The Lion and The Dove
by deenzjeans
Summary: Anastasia Steele is a refined young woman, sheltered by both her parents and her mother's wealth. She meets Christian Grey at an event where his brazen and forward attitude differs from how she is generally spoken to. Her interest begins there along with his and we watch her journey of sexual awakening.
1. Chapter 1: Masks

_A new story. I'm uploading two chapters to give you a better look into the story. Enjoy and let me know what you think. _

Chapter 1: Masks

Ana sat in the limo beside Kate, staring out of the window failing to really appreciate any view outside of it. Her mind settled restlessly on her usual anxiety before a night out with Kate and her family, but she eased at the thought of it being a fundraiser of sorts. Of course, her hands lay gracefully in her lap with her head poised and her shoulders relaxed back. The general stance of an elegant young woman undoubtedly would impress her mother and step-father as they had disbursed enough money to create her as such. The idea bothered her but had truly helped her out of her shell. She found her fingers tapping nervously on her lap, something she had refrained from doing for years. Her nails, perfectly manicured, with the neutral shade of light pink, danced against the black chiffon of her dress. As always, her thoughts led to her past as she battled with the idea that her mother bought her the dress. They had spent so much money on her, trying to keep her, but as soon as she turned 18, she split to Washington to be closer to her father. He was the anchor that held her close to reality when everything seemed so far from it. Her mother and step father constantly praised her for her beauty unaware that it's what triggered her abuse with her former stepfather. He had always viewed her as spoiled and hated when anyone would praise her. It's why she locked herself in her room for days during summer, reading, and yearning for knowledge so she could be taken seriously and then she just disappeared into the books. Her classic beauty defined by sky blue eyes and deep brown hair that suggested innocence but with a hint of makeup, gained the potential of raw sex appeal. She kept her makeup simple for the Coping Together Gala tonight hoping to draw little attention but expected some. Her dress revealed more than she hoped in the front but with long sleeves and understated makeup, she found a balance.

Kate placed her hand softly on Ana's to express they had arrived and Ana smirked at the contact. Because of her beauty and how soft spoken she usually was, everyone viewed her as fragile, like one touch could break her brittle self. She hated it and yet enjoyed the moment when she spoke, with all of her studied intelligence designed to gain that very expression. It's what drew her back to her father, their weekly conversations and their visits instilling strength and real praise into her giving her the confidence to deal with the people that surrounded her. He sheltered her also but in a different manner than her mother. He viewed her as intelligent and strong rather than just a pretty face. She stepped out of the limo and Kate immediately hooked her arm through hers as they walked around the back on a perfectly manicured lawn and a brick path. The pathway lit by bulbs, sparkling in the night, and guiding them easily to the large peaked tent. They entered behind Kate's parents and performed as they should, by politely introducing themselves and answering questions. The crowd spoke loud and excitedly and Kate handed Ana a champagne glass with a thought-you-might-need-this look. Ana smiled back graciously and then returned her attention to the Governor of Seattle, speaking outwardly of his power in the city most likely to impress either her or Kate. Power never intrigued Ana because it was a false security that could be easily lost. In fact, no man had ever truly intrigued her as she had never allowed herself to be at another person's mercy. She watched him closely, taking note of his posture and the tone of his voice, monitoring what his weaknesses and strengths were. It was her hobby: people watching, because it gave her the information she needed to gain the upper hand in their conversations.

"So Ana, what do you do?" The governor asked her without real curiosity but mannered speech.

"I am Commissioning Editor at SIP publishing. Speaking of, I caught your speech the other morning on fiscal policies for the city of Seattle. I quite enjoyed your tax policies for small businesses." She spoke with grace and confidence knowing her mother would approve of her behavior. Her father would approve of the topic content as he was Republican but she performed it as a distraction technique from her life. It bored the majority of people including her. She had grown up quite sheltered besides the abuse but even within that she managed to proceed into further solitary. It happened to be the biggest motivator for her mother to enroll her in etiquette classes just to gain some social skills. The Governor appeared shocked as everyone did when Ana spoke intelligently and she relished in the success. Her reputation and perception of a soft spoken kindhearted woman appeased and irritated her. It gave her a place within their worlds and set her apart from the usual spoiled debutantes that generally attended these events.

As she pretended to listen to the Governor's speech, her eyes scanned the room to study another attendee when she stopped at a table. A handsome man sat sullenly at the table but he drank, what she presumed was whiskey, with enough fervor to thirst her. He was a larger man with broad shoulders, copper hair that looked soft enough to enjoy running your fingers through, and a posture that screamed arrogance. His attention hardly directed to the blonde male sitting next to him, trying to give him the impression that he wanted him to vacate the table. She returned her attention back to the Kavanagh's and the Governor before being led to the table she had become so curious of. It shocked her when the man with the copper hair failed to stand in their presence as she had assumed that all of the men held the same etiquette and manners here but obviously not.

Christian sat next to his brother Elliot, telling him of the woman he had fucked the night before, and offering details of her appearance. This gala had become so fucking boring, especially after introductions, and he despised the time when he was between subs. The entire idea was depressing and he couldn't drink his whiskey fucking fast enough especially with Elliot's rambling.

"Mr. Grey, how's the business holding up?" He heard a deep voice bellow behind him and he rolled his eyes before standing and offering his attention.

"Mr. Kavanagh, how nice to see you again. Business is progressing as usual." He spoke kindly, although, he felt extremely annoyed inside before scanning the two female's beside him. One was a tall blonde woman, overstatedly sexy, and arrogant while the brunette next to her kept his attention. She looked so delicate within her revealing yet classy dress and her blue eyes shone with warmth at him. There was something about her that unsettled him but he figured it was her resemblance to his subs. She stood with her hands folded in front of her, standing with poise, and he studied her beautiful face. Her makeup enhanced her pouty lips and deep set eyes while her dress caused a shiver of arousal through him at the olive color of her skin. His eyes met hers and she kept the contact as confidently as he did, surprising him in the process and initiating him to submit first. _What the fuck Grey? _

"I'm so glad to hear. This is my daughter Kate and her roommate Ana." Mr. Kavanagh spoke assuredly to him and they both stepped forward to shake his hand. They were both trained for parties like this as he watched Kate shake his hand, too eagerly, but Ana shook it with conviction even though he felt like he might break her. His cock twitched at the sight of her but he shuffled to push the sensation away.

"Mr. Grey, what a pleasure to meet you. I am inspired by your work ethic and success at such a young age." Her soft voice teased his ears when he picked up on the assertive tone, a deadly mixture, he could listen to all night The dimples in her cheeks affected his erection more as he found himself assuming the same position as her; his hands clasped together in front.

"Thank you, Ana. I am unaware of your inspiration considering it leaves very little time to play." Christian let the last sentence linger some to see her reaction but he quickly became disappointed as she glanced from his hands to his face with an innocent smile. She was too damn innocent but when he looked into her eyes, all he saw was strength and something else. The conflicting descriptors left him confused and yet craving her because she appeared to be the perfect submissive for him physically. He figured with some training she would fare okay.

"As a large contributing factor to our economy, I would hope that play time is limited." Again, her fucking innocent smile that made those fucking perfect round cheeks plump and her blue eyes brighten left him with a hard on. She exuded intelligence which surprised him with her beauty. The women he knew that were as classically beautiful as she was didn't work hard to speak so freely because no one really listened; they just watched. They stood next to their husbands or held a glass of champagne with a posture worthy of admiration. Ana did the same but accompanied her confidence with knowledge of topics she didn't need to be concerned with. Kate grabbed Ana's arm and led her away leaving him feeling pissed and uncomfortable but he finished the conversation with Mr. Kavanagh anyway. As the speaker approached the stage, Christian returned to his table knowing the festivities were truly about to start. He watched his mother and father speak of the organizations' cause and goals before the speaker resumed his position and introduced the most entertaining part of the show

He had been watching Ana since she seated at the table not too far from him and he became surprised at how she observed members of the crowd. She studied them, her eyes narrowing intently at the smallest changes, and he couldn't help but adore her for it. An intelligent woman stuck in such a delicate yet fucking sexy body. Watching her, hopefully to gain a glance in return, led to failure as Kate whispered something into Ana's ear. She let out a sigh of frustration and then stood gracefully before leaving the table with a sign of acknowledgement to the rest of the table. _So fucking polite. _All he could think of was braiding that long brown hair and tying her body up. The difference between her small body and the ropes he would wrap her in turned him on more.

"It is now time for the popular event of auctioning a dance off. All proceeds will be given to the Coping Together foundation. All of the beautiful ladies will line up and then be introduced for bidding." Christian watched Ana walk toward the stage with pride but he could see in her eyes that she was annoyed with the entire thing. He was drawn to her and he struggled to decide whether or not it was because of her appearance, or the fact that she looked like she would easily submit. That idea slowly dissipated as he saw her stand on the stage, her head held high, and her shoulders turned back with her hands falling in graceful form. A refined woman participating in a ridiculous tradition.

One by one, the women stepped forward to be bid on and they then stepped down to join their respective new dates. His eyes glanced from Ana to his food and then back to her trying to maintain a casual appearance. She stepped forward in her black chiffon dress, her smile and eyes gazing to all sections of the tent as if she were in a pageant, and she stood in her general elegat posture in the middle of the stage.

"This is Anastasia Steele. She enjoys auditioning for The Bachelor season 105, long walks on the beach, and frolicking in meadows." The speaker lowered his voice at the last part, giving the crowd time to laugh. Her flushed cheeks sent him into a dizzying vision of her taking him in her mouth slowly and her cheeks rosy because of the energy she was exerting. His cock tingled in his pants when the spotlight hit her, highlighting the soft skin of her chest.

"$10,000" A man shouted behind him and he turned too late to find who did.

"$20,000" Another man shouted and Christian decided to wait to see the number rise. She was a pure beauty that looked as though she had emerged from two genetically perfect parents. The number loudly rose to one hundred and fifty thousand before he decided to participate.

"$300,000" Christian yelled and the entire room silenced at his bid. Even Ana snapped her head at him in shock before returning to her pleasant demeanor on stage. No one outbid him and he stood to claim his prize as she stepped down from the stage. She stopped at the booth because as she managed to receive the highest bid, it meant that she could choose the song they danced to. He waited patiently to the side as she spoke softly and smartly to the men controlling the sound system before meeting him and sitting at the table beside him.

"Thank you for your generous donation Mr. Grey. That was a very kind gesture." He glanced at her wondering if this was her usual repertoire or if she played it up for the event. Her smile was warm, her breathing even, and she looked comfortable in her skin giving him the impression that this was her normal demeanor.

"My pleasure Miss Steele." He seductively uttered back while he grazed her forearm and she pulled back confused.

"Will the couples please make your way to the dance floor?" The speaker announced and he held his hand out for Ana to hold and she placed her hand in his lightly with only her fingertips touching his palm. She made his breath hitch with the touch but she seemed unaffected and he walked her to the dance floor, pulling her close as they settled in their positions. They both seemed to know the hold of a dance as the close proximity didn't faze either of them. She felt so small and dainty within his embrace, like the breeze could take her away if he let go. Christian squeezed his hand around her thin waist causing her to look at him with discomposure for a second before she resumed to her expression of false enjoyment. At Last by Etta James came through the speakers and he already approved of her taste in music.

"Do I excite you Miss Steele?" He whispered seductively into her ear beginning his pursuit of a new sub.

"Excuse me Mr. Grey?" She broke from her elegant composure and looked at him with discomfort. They continued to dance as if their bodies were both on autopilot. A hidden emotion glared at him before she looked away with a smile.

"When I grab your waist, do you wish for my hand to go lower?" He watched her struggle to keep her composure and she refused to look at him when she spoke with her plastered on smile.

"Mr. Grey, this is highly inappropriate." Her voice maintained that warm quality but also gained a stern certainty to it. As the song finished, she pulled away quickly and gave him the same rehearsed smile she was giving others while clearing her throat.

"Thank you for the dance Mr. Grey. I shall hope you regain some etiquette for the night." He watched her walk away calmly and he wanted her more now only to strip her of her façade in his playroom. It became a challenge for him.

Ana couldn't believe the nerve of Christian Grey, that because he has money, he can act so forward. Truthfully, she did feel a sensation when he spoke to her in that manner but his arrogance annoyed her. As she approached the garden to gather her thoughts and her composure, she stopped when an older gentleman began to talk to her. Habitually, she listened and spoke when the appropriate time presented itself. She was quickly becoming exhausted with the scene and wished to find Kate so she could leave. Another glass of champagne was handed to her and she took small sips before wishing the older gentleman a good night. She exhaled deeply before leaning against the brick wall that gave her the view of the vast manicured lawn of the Grey's.

"Are you always this composed?" She heard the familiar voice that she had hoped to escape from. Christian approached from behind her and stood with his hand at her lower back.

"Yes, I am." She spoke quietly, confused with her bodies response to his touch and voice. Her body began to heat at the deep and intense quality of his voice and she felt her cheeks flush as he moved his hand lower. Most men didn't speak to her this directly as they viewed her almost like a child or a breakable treasure that deserved only the most kind words. This most likely was because the men she surrounded herself knew appropriate topics to converse with. She had read about these kinds of exchanges in one of her many books but had never felt it personally with anyone. It felt all too new and overwhelming, scaring her because of how unfamiliar it was. She had become too sheltered, even with Kate's stories, they were only words, secondary sources of information that she could never connect with but now she kind of understood. Being a virgin still and only experiencing anything sexual from books and T.V gave her a skewed view of the world and being sent to an all-girls catholic school growing up didn't help either.

"I know I affect you. I can feel how turned on you are." His lips inched closer to her ears and his breathe on her neck gave her a needy ache deep within her making her still and drop her champagne glass as she felt his tongue on her lobe. The sound of the glass shattering woke her from her Christian induced erotic state and she stepped back suddenly.

"I'm so sorry." She rambled as she bent to clean up her mess but Christian's arm grabbed hers.

"We have staff for that Ana." He brought her back up with ease and she felt oddly confident with the way he stared at her.

"No one has looked or spoken to me the way you do." She found herself speaking out loud and he became confused with her admission.

"Ana, you're beautiful. Plenty of men look at you the way I do." His deep voice massaging her ears with the sensuality of the tone.

"No, they look at me like I'm made of glass and you view me as something different." She couldn't explain the way he made her feel because she lacked the experience or descriptors to do so. He stepped closer and pulled her aside for the staff to attend to her mess and his head came close again. Her heart began to race with his close contact and she could smell the Clive Christian scent he wore. _What is happening? _She thought to herself with dizzying feeling.

"It's because _I _see you Ana." He spoke quietly but the statement was filled with so much more feeling than she anticipated.

"Ana! Are you okay?" Kate's familiar voice echoed behind her and she pulled away from Christian to greet her friend.

"Yes, I'm fine. I am feeling tired, so I think I will have the driver take me home." She knew Kate preferred to stay which was fine because Ana enjoyed being alone.

"Okay, well I'll see you when I get home then." She spoke excitedly and Ana could tell she had met someone because she kept staring at the tent with anticipation.

"Okay, enjoy yourself. I'll speak to you in the morning." She turned and began her walk to the front of her house, breathing a sigh of relief when Christian became distracted by another guest. The driver had yet to pull up so she waited patiently appreciating the breeze and starry night.

"I will never tire of the way you present yourself." She turned her head to see Christian approaching from the brick pathway and she prayed the car would emerge soon.

"I shall take that as a compliment. My mother would relish this moment. Thank you." She breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of her limo advancing up the driveway.

"So, your mother trained you then?" He asked her curiously and she stepped forward as the limo pulled up before her.

"She paid others to train me. I am the end result of a great deal of teaching." She refused to look at him when she spoke even though it contradicted every social bone in her body and she waited for the driver to open her door but the driver who stepped out was a stranger.

"I'll be escorting you home." His arrogance consumed the entire sentence but for some reason it became less bothersome. She enjoyed his brazen attitude as she finally felt somewhat normal. _Refuse Ana. Refuse. Refuse. Refuse. _

"Okay, thank you." Her quick acceptance shocked herself but when she looked at him, she could immediately feel he hated to be challenged and she wanted to spend more time with him anyway. Those feelings he was causing within her were addicting. She climbed in and settled with her hands lying delicately on her lap.

"You can relax Ana." He looked at her entertained and she couldn't quite comprehend what that entailed. He shuffled closer to kneel on the limo floor before her and she sat up straighter in confusion. His arms touched her shoulders and pushed gently down on them giving her relief from her rigid posture. He then placed his fingers on her cheeks, grazing them gently and she could only watch his intent expression with curiosity. It felt soothing, intimate, and that ache returned making her squirm a little in her gown. His lips met hers softly and he shocked her entire body when his tongue crept through her lips and massaged hers. Her hand gripped the door tightly as she struggled with the new sensations of his soft wet lips against hers and the warmth of his tongue. She felt an overwhelming urge to lift her hips but he pulled away leaving his face inches from hers.

"You intrigue me Anastasia Steele." His voice almost at a low growl and an even more desperate ache ran through her.

"I don't mean to." She spoke quietly and breathlessly while his expression grew even more amused.

"I know you don't. It arouses me more." Appalled, she began her nervous habit of looking down at her hands as they rubbed together. Her breathing grew ragged and she closed her eyes. No book had ever described a man like him or the way he made her feel.


	2. Chapter 2: Compromises

_Search Deenz Fanfiction on Facebook for updates on progress of all stories. Enjoy. _

Chapter 2: Compromises

"Ana, are you okay? You're holding on to the door for dear life." Christian watched Ana drop her head and close her eyes as she took deep breaths to calm herself.

"I'm fine. That was a somewhat overwhelming experience." Confused, Christian pulled away and sat next to her wondering what she meant by experience and overwhelming. The way she gripped the door made him think she felt terrified as her knuckles were white and her hold had yet to give.

"Ana, relax. Please." He ordered becoming fucking annoyed with how uptight she was. She looked at her hand and let go with a look of confusion as if she hadn't noticed it herself. Her fingers curled and then extended and she returned them gracefully to her lap.

"I'm sorry for my behavior." Her quiet soft spoken voice barely filled the space between them for him to hear with her chin resting on her shoulder and her eyes meeting his only for a second. He knew her intent wasn't seduction which made the act even more sexual for him. He wanted to take her as his sub right there but he lacked both the contract and NDA to pursue the idea.

"Are you always this dutiful?" The question made her wince some before she let her stare return to the window.

"Are you always this forward?" It was spoken like a true question even though he knew its intent was a retort to his.

"Yes. I am." He watched her breathing slow and he couldn't quite gather a clear description of her personality. She obviously was controlled, intelligent, and soft spoken. He presumed that people treated her as such, gentle with her, but that's not at all what he wanted. The way her hands lay in her lap so gracefully made him imagine them on his cock the same way. When she looks up from those hooded lashes, he imagined them below his waist as she took him in her mouth and for once he would like to see her undone. He wanted her under him, her hair and makeup in disarray, her skin within his dark restraints, and he needed to hear her scream lacking all control. _Fuck. _He was hard and he pulled at his pants to try and cover himself some.

"Join me at my apartment for a drink." His voice was deep and full of arousal but it didn't seem to faze her.

"No Thank you. I would prefer to be taken home." His fists clenched in frustration at her. She wouldn't even look at him as she talked. Her voice and posture stoic with her stare focused on the buildings they were now passing. The ride became more awkward than he could have ever imagined. He at least relied on the assumption that she would keep her etiquette and indulge him in conversation. As they pulled up to her building, he climbed out to open her door; giving Taylor a look that said he would prefer to do so himself. He opened her door and she placed her hand gently in his before climbing out. Her eyes looked up from under her heavy eye lashes and he almost growled at the scene but resorted to gritted teeth.

"Thank you for escorting me home. It has been a pleasure." Her kind smile warmed him, making his chest feel something he had never felt. _Are these fucking butterflies? _Her small hands touched his shoulders as she came forward to kiss his cheek. He imagined she had been taught to leave a man this way. Before he knew it, he turned his head and kissed her again. Her small frame melted into his as he drew her energy from her with his lips. After a couple seconds she kissed him back, her hands still flat on his shoulders and he wanted to make her clench those fingers in pleasurable bliss. He pulled her closer so she could feel his erection and she immediately stilled when she did. Her hands finally clenched his jacket but not in the way he wanted. She pushed away from him, her breathing rapid and her hand on her chest as she looked terrified.

"I should be going." She muttered hastily before disappearing into the building. Her pace was rapid as she made her way to the elevator and he waited for her to turn and look at him but she never did.

_Breathe Ana. Breathe. Breathe. _She closed her eyes, feeling dizzy with her rapid and heavy breathing. _He is not him. You are safe. It is over. Deep breaths._ As she climbed into the elevator her body relaxed some. Even the noise of the passing floors didn't seem to bother her tonight and as soon as it opened she grew excited to get to her bedroom. She opened their apartment door loving the floor to ceiling window that overlooked some of Seattle. Her heart still racing, made her pace to her bedroom hurriedly and as soon as she entered it and closed her door she relaxed fully. Her body always reacted this way when she entered her bedroom. It became the only place she could be herself where she lacked the need to smile constantly, and she could enjoy her privacy. Her dress fell to the floor easily and she threw on her nightgown or oversized t-shirt pretty much. It always felt so wonderful against her skin and freeing. She hung her gown up, brushed her teeth, and climbed into bed with her book _Emma_. She lived vicariously through her before she slept always knowing she was born in the wrong era. Tonight, though, the book didn't engross her as it usually did. Her long manicured fingers touched her lips softly as she recalled Christian's kiss. _He probably thinks I'm foolish after tonight. You are foolish. _She shook her head at her behavior, disappointed that she was such horrid company even if he was brazen and vulgar. _You enjoyed it. _She did enjoy the way he spoke to her because no one else had since _him. _For some odd and undetermined reason, she trusted him not to hurt her. She could see it in his eyes that he didn't want to hurt her. _He wanted you. _She shook her head at the idea not because she couldn't believe it but because she didn't want to.

"_No one will ever want you. You are a burden to your mother and I. People will forever treat you like the weak little girl you are." _

His words rang loud and true in her mind as past memories flooded her. The memories weren't the worst part it was that she believed him because it was true. Everyone treated her differently and yet she continued to thrive with the identity. She played the part so well and became co-dependent on it. Attempting to move on from her self-deprecating behavior, she brought her fingers to her lips again. As she closed her eyes, she remembered his kiss; intense and so real. He became a lingering energy within her reminding her of his alpha and sexual tendencies. _God, his erection. _Her breathing hitched as she closed her eyes and remembered his embrace. His erection digging into her, terrifying her in the moment, but now she could appreciate the carnality of it. No one had ever wanted her like that, so strongly he almost craved her. It scared her and yet awoke her from the black and white haze she felt herself living in. He behaved differently than all the men within their circle of elite. She wondered if he had ditched the classes undoubtedly given to each of Grace's children. Grace was a woman of wonderful stature and etiquette, everything her mother had paid money for Ana to become. She closed her eyes knowing that her mind would stray elsewhere while she read particularly straying to thoughts of Christian. _He just wants sex Ana and in case you have forgotten, you're a virgin. _She struggled with the thoughts because he obviously did possess more knowledge than her in the sex department. That kiss of his was intoxicating especially in the limo and his large fingers grazing her cheeks brought back that neediness she felt earlier. She almost felt desperate enough to want him again, touching her skin and looking at her with the intensity of a stallion.

_Fuck. _Christian beat his sheets frustratingly as he struggled to sleep. His mind consumed with images of Ana and fucking her senseless. The odd thing was that he fucked her in his bed and not the playroom. He tried to imagine her in the playroom on the spanking bench but it almost felt dirty to put her there. She would hate it. He could tell she would most likely want vanilla but why even within the realms of his imagination that he couldn't pretend to have her in the playroom surprised him. It felt easier to imagine her tangled within his sheets, her naked body on display as it should be, and her finally released of all show. _What the fuck Grey? _He gritted his teeth in frustration at her, himself, the entire fucking night. _Just imagine her, ass up on your lap and your hand ready to make her bare ass pink._ He found that idea easier but then struggled because he wasn't spanking her out of punishment but for her pleasure. Before he could stop, the scene continued its reel. She thanked him of course and her kind eyes, her always warm eyes, stared at him with appreciation before kissing him. He wanted to fight it but it felt good, his body rippled with pleasure at her soft touch. His dick was hard and he gripped it as Ana kissed him deeper. The naughtiness paired with her innocence almost made him come as he imagined her riding him. She loved feeling him inside her as she threw her head back, biting her lower lip hard, and her brown hair hitting her back softly as she rode him. He growled and gripped harder, feeling his dick get thicker between his hands. She laughed freely as he flipped her over and he couldn't help but imagine brushing her hair out of her face. He wanted to watch her come, those blue eyes glazed, and he needed to hear her scream. He thrust harder into her, loving the feel of her small body beneath him and fucking her hard. His breathing was rapid now and his strokes were hard and fast. She screamed in pleasure, her graceful fingers digging into his back and that was his undoing.

"Fuckkkk." He came all over himself, his hand, and he rode it out with slower strokes. He went to the bathroom and cleaned himself off and returned to his bed. It got her out of his system as he was finally able to calm down enough to drift off.

Christian had only thought of Ana once as he remembered how he was able to finally sleep last night. He sat in the back of his luxurious Bentley irritated that he had agreed to attend this Charity forum. It was a meeting for a charity dedicated to lessening Gang Violence in Seattle. They held a monthly forum that they all gathered at to discuss new and generally worthless ways to help with Seattle's gang problem. He fucking hated the majority of people and he hadn't attended in six months but his mother begged him today. Some of the board members were unimpressed with his lack of participation. _Fucking douchebags. _They sure did enjoy his money though. They pulled up to a colonial home belonging to the Drapers. He owned the largest Grease Recycling business and Factory in Washington. His wife had fake tits, a fake face, and even worse personality but she enjoyed it that way. He was greeted with a glass of champagne before making his way through the large grand entrance into the dining room where everyone was mingling. He found his mother who was speaking casually to another couple of women. There were only three men on the board and both were enamored by someone. He couldn't quite see through them nor did he care. Mrs. Draper hugged him a little too excitedly and he did the small talk shit with her before making his way to his mother. She patted his forearm in approval of his presence and he smiled at the two women she was talking to, acknowledging them.

"Christian?" Oh, that sweet soft voice, hit his ears with such smooth frequency, he could listen to it all day.

"Ana?" He replied shocked, turning to see her perfectly put together. Her brown hair hung in loose curls framing her delicate face and she wore a boat neck sleeveless dress with geometric patterns.

"I'm so glad you are finally joining us for a forum." Those fucking eyes. Her white irises sprinkled with the most hypnotic blue pierced him with warmth.

"I had no idea you had joined the board." He replied finally realizing she enamored the other gentlemen. If she was his sub, he would punish her for not asking permission to speak to them but she wasn't, unfortunately.

"I joined three months ago. I feel very strongly about Gang Violence in Seattle." Her speech eloquent and her posture the usual graceful stance. It took work to stand like that and sit that way. He remembered his sister Mia complaining of how uncomfortable it was but Ana made it look effortless. He wanted to continue their conversation but Mrs. Draper ordered all of the board members to sit so they could discuss. She walked over the other side of the table sitting next to Mr. Draper who pulled her chair out for her. He looked at her with appreciation almost as if she were a fine art and Christian figured he had been subjected to good conversation over the past three months of these forums. As he sat next to his mother he wondered why she had never tried to set them up before. _Probably because they think you're gay. _The conversation started with everyone discussing the progress of the planning for the Stop Gang Violence Gala. Christian faded their voices out as he sat bored but looked entertained. It was a practiced technique developed after attending shit like this but they were a sensitive group to please. They didn't just want your money; they wanted your attention like little fucking children.

"Now, Ana has some wonderful ideas that I do believe we should all hear." Christian sat forward and watched her pat Mr. Draper's arm as a form of appreciation.

"Thank you. Now, I know we have all been discussing various ways to lessen Gang Violence as it does exist as our purpose here. One way that I do believe we can accomplish this task is by offering literacy centers or free tutoring at one of our many community centers. I suggest this because I do believe that Gang's do prey on those who lack formal education because they know they have limited choices of income. They provide this ideal that they can earn money and respect knowing that these people are the perfect prey because they can't find this elsewhere. If we educate those who have dropped out of high school which are the majority of new recruits then we can possibly provide them with options other than joining a gang for income or self-respect. We can help them attain their GED's so they are eligible for real employment and college. This can also provide intrinsic pride of accomplishment. Pending your approval and thoughts on this idea, I can come up with a plan to help implement this." She spoke with such quiet strength but forward confidence in her idea. He sat their shocked after she sat and waited for opinions. Everyone else felt the same way as they let the moment sit with them for a moment.

"I find that idea to be brilliant Miss Steele. If you would like some help with the plan, I wouldn't mind offering any resources or any expertise I can give." He found himself blurting out in response and her cheeks formed more with her smile.

"Thank you Mr. Grey." She nodded towards him and then everyone else gave their two cents. They were all happy with one good idea that they ended the meeting there feeling satisfied with the progress.

"Ana, would you like to join me for dinner?" He asked her as she made her way towards him probably to tell him good-bye. He expected her to say hell no especially after last night, but what the fuck.

"That sounds very nice. I'll tell my driver of my plans and I'll meet you out front." She placed her hand on his back before walking around him and heading outside. He felt like a teenager when he felt overly excited at her acceptance. _Man up Grey. _He took a deep breath and turned to see his mother shaking with excitement.

"Christian!" Her voice higher pitched than usual.

"Mother, its business. You're making me feel like a child." She rolled her eyes at him and he walked out to see Ana waiting for him by Taylor. As he approached, Taylor opened the door for her and she slid in with her usual poise and he climbed in next to her just as graceful. He thought that confidence and growing up in some wealth gave you that elegant way of performing things. It didn't surprise him to see her in the same position she had been the night before. Her ankles crossed, hands in her lap, and her back straight. She was different today, more comfortable with him and it made sense after he kissed her and she felt his fucking hard on. It was a twenty minute drive to the restaurant which he let her tell him the finer details of her plan. She spoke with great interest, confidence, and warmth; although, he was mainly fixated on the way her mouth moved. Most women could sense when a man was insanely attracted to them either by the prolonged staring or the pull but she didn't. He wondered if she saw herself as attractive but her confidence had to mean she did.

He climbed out of the Bentley and opened her door giving Taylor a break for the night. She stopped and waited for him to rejoin her side before entering the restaurant. He picked Pink Door for their live entertainment and the cozy feel. The chandeliers gave a romantic feel while still feeling casual and relaxed. Taylor was the one that suggested it as he had taken Gail here on numerous occasions. It wouldn't have been his first choice but between the usual places he frequents and this he felt she would feel more comfortable here. They were seated at their table and he ordered their best bottle of wine.

"I have never been here before. What a beautiful place." The chatter was loud and excited which he watched her smile at the atmosphere like a child at Disneyland. She was fucking beautiful.

"I actually have never been here either." She returned her smile to him and he couldn't help but match it. Her excitement was infectious as he had never witnessed her so relaxed before.

"Now, that we're alone. I should apologize for my behavior last night. Your forwardness took me by surprise. Most people tip toe around me but I find you're honesty quite refreshing." He wasn't fucking expecting that. He figured she would judge him for it, be disgusted by his behavior, but he never imagined she would enjoy it. "I am a virgin Mr. Grey and inexperienced sexually which is why your advances last night were somewhat overwhelming." _What the fuck. _

"Fuck." He blurted out and she straightened more in her chair.

"I was half way expecting a reaction like that. If you would like to end dinner early, I would hold no ill-feelings against you." He sat back registering what she just told him. _A fucking virgin. Fuck Grey. _He knew she was innocent but he never figured that innocent. This was it for them. They were no longer ever going to be able to work. He could never offer a BDSM experience for her first time and fuck him if he was going to do vanilla regardless of how much he enjoyed it when he imagined it with her.

"I'm not ashamed of this Mr. Grey." She spoke again and he finally returned to their reality.

"Oh no. I'm sorry. I'm shocked but please don't feel like I'm judging." _Of course you have no room to fucking judge. You're a sexual sadist and a dominant. _He shook his head and saw she had become uncomfortable.

"Of course, we can finish dinner." He reassured her. They both sat there aware that this had ended for them before it began. She could see it in his face and he could completely feel it. It did remove some of the pressure for the dinner as now they were obviously just friends. He had never had a dinner with another woman that wasn't in pursuit of sex considering there was only one other time he ever had to pursue a sub. Elena provided him with his subs although she was lacking currently.

"May I ask?" He prompted as she looked up at him after taking a sip of wine.

"Oh, why I remain a virgin?" He nodded and she took another sip of wine.

"I would like to state that I generally do not discuss topics like this during dinner." He couldn't help but smile at her attempts to recover some etiquette. "I grew up engrossed in books and I attended an all-girls catholic school. My expectations were extremely high considering both of these and though they have relaxed some, I just truly have never found someone that affects me that way. It might seem unrealistic or crazy to some but not to me."

_I fucking affected you that way. I could feel it. _"I understand that." He did considering his first time was rough and he was restrained with Elena. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy it but he had always wondered what his sex life would be now if it had been vanilla. After two bottles of wine, he wondered if she usually drank this much. Their conversation was fluid and comfortable. She physically relaxed in front of him, her speech becoming less practiced, and he felt the same. It wasn't as if they had to impress each other anymore knowing that they were going home tonight just as friends. He watched her as she watched the entertainment, her chin resting on her knuckles and her eyes appreciating the music. She looked happy and content allowing him to now decipher between the smiles she gave during events and how he saw her now. He had stripped her of some of the weight that kept her confined. It saddened him some that she wasn't his but he was too damaged for her. He never wanted to imagine her hurt and he knew if he pursued her that's where she would be left. She made a comment about feeling tired so he requested the check as he had been trying to extend the night for as long as he could.

They both climbed back into the Bentley except this time as she straightened it was almost as if she relaxed in defeat. She let her head fall back against the head rest and she smiled at him. Her blue eyes admiring him which made him feel uncomfortable and powerful at the same time.

"Do you ever get tired of being in this world?" She asked him and he looked at her confused. He could sense the growing effects of the wine by how uninhibited she was.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm tired." She looked at him again as if she was coming to realizations she hated. "I'm tired of smiling constantly. I'm tired of monitoring what I say and I'm so tired of being scared of myself."

"Why do you do it?" He asked and she shrugged with a scoff before her blue eyes met his with strength unlike any other.

"Because I'm scared of what would happen if I didn't." It was in that moment he understood the strong pull between them was that they both connected with something vital in each other. He understood how she felt because he felt the same way about his lifestyle. He was tired of his subs, they no longer pleasured him in ways he needed them to. His frustration quit releasing with his weekends and he still had yet to sleep a full six hours. The idea of doing away with it though scared the shit out of him. He didn't care that she was a fucking virgin, all he knew was that he wanted to explore her completely. He cupped her chin before pulling her face to his and kissing her deeply enjoying the unfamiliar senses she had awoken in him.


	3. Chapter 3: Misplaced Feelings

_Thank you all for your wonderful reviews! I never expected such kind words! I post pictures of outfits and hairstyles on my face book from my stories if you're interested. Search Deenz Fanfiction on Facebook to add. Enjoy and as always let me know what you think. _

Chapter 3: Misplaced Feelings

Ana's body reacted with fervor when he kissed her. She kissed him back, allowing his tongue to glide into hers. Her body responded with a surprising natural response of matching the movements of his tongue. Maybe it was the wine or an innate technique every human possessed but she enjoyed it. A throb began at her sex as his energy overwhelmed hers and he kissed her harder. Small moans emanated from her throat as she became lost in the sensations. His wet lips at hers, his tongue massaging hers, and the neediness she felt to feel his touch more. Overtaken in the moment, she inched closer to him feeling his large hand on her thigh which sent shivers through her. The pleasure became addicting and the excitement of it all heightened every sense she had. His scent became stronger, his breathing became louder, and every touch rattled her to her core. He pulled away for a moment obviously enjoying the effect he had on her.

"Ana, how far have you gone with a man?" He asked and her fingers fidgeted nervously.

"I've kissed someone before." She whispered embarrassed by her lack of really any experience but god bless him he didn't skip a beat.

"Do you like it when I kiss you here?" His deep voice vibrating her nerves as he kissed softly at her neck. She closed her eyes, swallowing loudly in response. It tickled yet made her sex roar with intensity.

"Yes." She whispered out and her body relaxed back into the seat allowing him complete access to her. He enveloped her in a trance with his lips, something that she figured he could do to anyone.

"And here?" He kissed the other side of her neck but added the sensation of his tongue gliding against her skin.

"I very much enjoy it there." She spoke quietly, her breathing now quite rapid, and her posture not at all ladylike. He laughed at her response before kissing her neck again and leaving trails of wet spots as he traveled back to the other side. She gripped the door harder but this time in pleasure and not because she felt scared. For some reason that she couldn't describe, she felt safe with him like he would protect her with everything he had. It went against every coping mechanism she had created for herself and yet it felt more freeing than terrifying. The car came to a stop and she heard a door open; suddenly being reconnected with reality.

"Oh Lord." She pulled away realizing that Taylor had been witness to their kissing and her admission. Feeling mortified, she quickly opened her door almost running into Taylor as she climbed out.

"Ana, stop." She heard Christian command as his hand grabbed her waist and pulled her close to him.

"Don't ever humiliate me like that!" She yelled out and she pushed away from him but he held on tighter. The truths being she was more upset with herself than him for letting him cloud her like that. Immediately feeling regret for yelling at him which was completely out of character for her, she recognized her part in it.

"Ana, I will have you." The statement filled with complete confidence and she looked up to see him gazing at her intently.

"Not tonight." Her posture straightened and she rolled her shoulders back falling into her default stance.

Trying to push him away already frustrated him as he watched the transition from the woman he craved to the woman she sported for appearances.

"Don't act this way with me. I enjoy you when you're relaxed and kiss me like you did in there." His lips hooked hers as his hand cupped the back of her head and pushed her closer. She allowed herself to indulge for a couple of seconds before pulling away and walking towards her door. She sensed his disappointment but that scene in the car showed her just how dangerous his expertise was. The walk to the elevator felt longer than usual as she wondered if he was watching her. Easing her curiosity, she turned to see him still standing on the curb eyeing her with a protective gaze. A smile emerged before she could stop it and she quickly turned back towards the elevator to regain some if any poise. The elevator became almost too quiet as she tried to calm herself from her most erotic moment to date when her phone went off. Her screen displayed that an unknown number texted her and she unlocked her phone to view it.

_This is my number. Save it. Dinner tomorrow to discuss your suggestions from the forum earlier. I'll pick you up at 6:30. _

Excitement surged through her and then confusion. Were men always this demanding during pursuit? She lacked experience but she had a feeling he was more dominant than most men although his money could easily contribute to it. Granted, all of the men in she had grown up with treated her like a porcelain doll and they were all wealthy.

"Where have you been Anastasia Steele?" Kate's voice echoed throughout their loft and she placed her purse on the counter before joining her by the couch.

"Well, that must have been some forum." Finally, glancing up, Ana noticed the very excited expression of her best friend.

"What do you mean?" She replied confused when Kate began to laugh at her and shake her head.

"Your lipstick is somewhat smeared. A passionate group of people you all must be." She giggled more before patting the space next to her. "Anything you would like to tell me?"

Ana wanted to go to her room but she needed a second opinion on everything and advice so she sat. For once, Ana was the one with stories to tell.

"I engaged in some kissing with someone." Kate's grin quickly turned to a head cock accompanied by a head shake.

"Cut the etiquette shit and tell me what happened." She demanded.

"Christian Grey escorted me home last night. He kissed me and when he pulled me close I could feel his um." Ana hated to say the word so she resorted to pointing; feeling utterly childish.

"Hard on?" Kate questioned amusingly.

"Yes. Well, so then today I saw him again at the forum which is crazy because I had been told he never attends and he hadn't for six months. He invites me to dinner in which after I tell him I'm a virgin, I was sure that we agreed on the fact that it wasn't going any farther. The conversation was easy after that and I drank more wine than I usually do because he was good company. He kissed me again in the car but it was much more intense. I don't know what to do Kate. He wants to have sex." Kate screamed loudly making Ana slide back in surprise.

"You have no fucking idea how long I have been waiting for this day." She squirmed eagerly on the other end of the couch.

"Kate, you know how I feel about that word." She sighed frustratingly.

"So are you going to have sex with him?" Ana could tell it wasn't really a question but more of a suggestion.

"Of course not." An automatic reaction and she quieted to think about it more. "I mean, I can't say with complete certainty that it would never happen but it's definitely not happening soon if I can help it. It's just when he kisses me, I disappear for a moment into a trance which for example, his driver was witness to our situation in the car. It was mortifying when I finally came to my senses." Sensing that Kate was restraining from laughing, she glared at her harder to make sure she didn't.

"Look, it's not as if you can or would even want to plan this out. Just see where this goes and don't let him pressure you." _That's it? _Ana needed a firm plan of action.

"He's just much more experienced than I am." She sighed quietly.

"Doesn't take much Ana." Kate retorted quickly.

"I know. It's just I wish I possessed more knowledge of sexual things." Ana had never been very confident with talking about sex but compared to the prior discussions that she's had with Kate, this seemed miniscule.

"What would you like to know? I can show you!" Kate jumped off the couch and as soon as Ana saw her round the corner with a cucumber in hand, she stood and headed hastily towards her room.

"Kate, No!" She yelled as Kate followed her. "Good Lord."

"Ana, quit being a prude!" She began to laugh hysterically.

"Not Funny!" She yelled as she closed her bedroom door. Her routine filled days were suddenly filled with Christian Grey, making out, and anxiety about the entire situation. She used her nighttime routine to distract her until she climbed into her bed staring at her phone. Battling with the idea of canceling, revising, or attending their plans tomorrow, she turned her phone off and on as she pondered.

_Say no or say yes but that you would prefer to at a restaurant. You should call. Texts are too informal. _Her heart began to race at the idea of calling him and she despised the out of control feeling. It was moments like these that reminded her of her age. 23 years old and she suddenly felt like it. Finally regaining the years of etiquette and grace she had worked hard to attain, she pushed the call button on her phone.

Christian sat in his study going through the pictures from the Gala focusing on any that Ana appeared in. His whiskey and ice clinked in his glass as he clicked through numerous pictures. _What the fuck are you doing Grey? She's a fucking virgin and just because you fell for the I'm so tired act, you know she depends on it just as you do yours. _It's the same thought he had been thinking all night. How in the hell would he be able to keep her because he couldn't fucking stand the idea of her being with someone else. It enraged him. He wanted her virginity yet he couldn't imagine himself actually having vanilla sex. Ringing loudly, he grabbed his phone to be surprised at Ana's name as the caller ID. His chest had that same tickled feeling that could either give him anxiety or an orgasm. He wasn't sure yet which way to go.

"Christian Grey." He answered with the usual deep and commanding tone.

"Hi." Her soft voice danced through his phone and lingered at his ears. "I wanted to discuss tomorrow evenings plans and I find text messaging too informal which is the reason for this call."

He sighed in frustration. "Ana. Relax. It's just dinner and I promise to be on my best behavior." He thought he sounded pretty damn convincing. She took an audible deep breath and he listened amused.

"Okay but I would really like to be home by 9 at the latest and can we change the location to a restaurant?" A victorious grin graced his face as he relaxed back in his chair. Christian had prepared his answer knowing she would try to move it elsewhere.

"The menu has been set and my housekeeper Gail is very excited to cook for someone other than myself." He insisted and heard her sigh with defeat.

"Oh. Well, of course, let's eat there then. You can pick me up from my office building." She finally answered frustratingly giving Christian exactly what he wanted. He could sense she was about to end the call but he wanted to talk to her more.

"Okay. What are you doing Ana?" Seductively speaking the words, he waited for her response.

"I'm lying in bed." Smirking deviously, he couldn't help but think of all the things he would want to do to her. She stated it as a fact unknowingly allowing him an opportunity to have some fun with her.

"I wish I was beside you." Two days of knowing her and he already imagined her tensing. "Don't tense. Just listen."

"I kiss you just like I did in the car tonight. My tongue is massaging yours as your body is pressed against mine." He heard her breathing hitch.

"Christian. No." A breathy voice left her and he undid his pants as he loved the sound of his name leave her that way.

"Shhh. Just listen baby." He gave her seconds of silence to decide whether to hang up or keep listening and the fact that the timer on the conversation continued, so did he.

"Ana, I want you to touch yourself. You know where. You can feel it. Have you touched yourself before?" He waited in silence again besides the sound of her breaths growing rapid.

"Yes. "

"Do it for me Ana. Now." He demanded and he could tell she obeyed by the change in her breathing.

Ana relished the commanding tone of his voice as he ordered her to touch herself. He had the ability to rescue her from her thoughts, memories, and rigid control to not only make her feel good but also free. She wasn't a stranger to masturbating as it had been her only form of an orgasm for years and had only discovered it when she overheard a classmate talking about it in High School. It was rare when she did it. This felt all too intimate but his voice did naughty things to her. It helped that they had their phones as a barrier but the way he controlled the entire thing turned her on more. It gave her a break from how controlled she always was. Her fingers inched under her panties and she touched her sex, rubbing it gently as she listened to his voice. She figured if anything she could lie and pretend she only listened to him.

"Are you touching yourself?" He questioned almost at a growl and she wondered if he was doing the same.

"Yes." She whispered letting him take every ounce of doubt she felt about doing it because she could hear the ecstasy in his voice and she knew he was touching himself too.

"Good. Close your eyes. Imagine my lips on your neck kissing you the way I did earlier." It was too easy as she placed her other hand at her neck feeling where he had kissed her. Heat flooded her body as she recalled it so vividly.

"My tongue moves farther down your neck and to your chest where I take your nipple into my mouth and suck gently." Her fingers moved faster as the vision of being at Christian's mercy sent crippling waves of pleasure through her.

Christian stroked faster as he listened to Ana's small moans. Never in a million years did he think he would be having phone sex with someone he hadn't fucked yet. He would have to take it slow with her and not only for her but for him. He needed to get used to the idea of having vanilla sex. This would be a first for them both.

"I suck harder and nip at them with my teeth. Do you enjoy that?" His grip tightened as he waited for her answer.

"Very much." She was breathless now and whimpering for him making him stroke even faster.

"I drag my tongue lower, lingering at your bellybutton and then continuing down until I reach your thighs. My lips and tongue kiss the inside of your thighs before I replace your fingers with my mouth." He could hear her breathing hard now with soft cries and he was so ready to come.

"You taste so good Ana. Feel my wet tongue and my warm breath on you, licking faster. Grab my hair Ana." He could tell she was close by the way her breathing rapidly increased. His breathing responded the same way and he could feel his dick grow thicker within his grip aching for a release.

"Ana. Say my name when you come. I want to hear you. Come now." He demanded.

"Christiannnn." She cried before he heard the sounds become muffled as if she buried her head into her pillow.

"That's it baby. Fuck, Ana." Hearing his name escape her mouth so pleasurably was his undoing and he came all over his suit and his hand. He sat in pleasure and began to scold himself for his current position. Ana had him in an office chair jacking off to phone sex and yet it felt much more erotic than any of his experiences with his subs. Knowing what it took for her to open herself up fucking terrified him. _She'll want more and not as in sex. They always do and try saying no to her now. Fuck Grey. This is bad. _

Ana kept the phone at her ear as her orgasm paralyzed her and she buried her face into her pillow to stifle her moans. She could hear him growling into the phone and she knew he was now having his orgasm. Riding out hers became harder as his pleasure increased hers. _Oh my god. _Her chest heavy with her breaths and her eyes clenched shut to withstand the best orgasm she had ever had. _Imagine what he could do if he were really here. _Oh, she craved him, his presence, and his touch but knew better than to pursue the idea now. As she waited for his breathing to slow, she returned to her calm self now aware of just how inexperienced she was.

"Thank you." She voiced quietly.

"For what?" He uttered breathlessly.

"For being so patient with me." She uttered kindly and with appreciation.

"Ana, this is new for me too." He gruffed and she couldn't quite understand the change in his mood so she decided to end the conversation. There was no point in prolonging something uncomfortable now.

"Okay, I have to go. Thank you and please inform me of any changes in our plans for tomorrow." She hung up before he could respond leaving him with her autopilot Ana of formality. She stood from her bed, changed her panties, and washed her hands all the while questioning whether or not he understood how serious this was for her. Returning to her bed and grabbing her book; she put it back down now unable to read it. For once, her life was much more entertaining than the books she was reading and she didn't need it for an escape tonight. She closed her eyes knowing that tomorrow she could question his intentions but tonight she would allow what happened to soothe her.

The sound of a text woke her up and she rolled over to see she had only been asleep for a half hour.

_Thank you for your trust. I think it might be misplaced. _

She frowned tiredly at the text wishing he would have called. She knew he was trying to push her away already just as she had tried earlier so she remembered his words. The fact that it had taken him half an hour to text showed he had put great thought into it.

_Don't act this way with me. I enjoy you when you're confident. Good night. _


	4. Chapter 4: Connected

_Thank you to everyone who has responded to this story! Enjoy! _

Chapter 4: Connected

Ana woke energized and refreshed at 5:30 in the morning absolutely ready to face the day. She had slept better last night than she had in months. Climbing out of bed and stretching, she couldn't pinpoint the exciting feeling she had. She stood in front of the mirror feeling, well different maybe even somewhat sexy. Her hair disarrayed, her eyes bright, and she looked relaxed even felt it. She turned to admire her profile to see if maybe something had changed. No. Nothing. Still Ana. She shrugged her shoulders and started her shower before making way to her closet to find an outfit. _Something fitted, _she thought as she walked into her closet. Something that she was never undecided on was clothing and jewelry. Going through her dresses, she stopped at the perfect one. One that was appropriate for work and with a little added flair to her makeup she could play it up a bit. She ran her fingers down the front of the tan Burberry dress and tugged a little at the bow in front; her favorite decoration of the dress. Her favorite black pumps for work were in their usual spot on the shelf and she brought both of them to her bed and laid them flat. The droplets of water hit her skin with relief as she remembered with ease what happened last night. His sudden change in attitude shook her a bit but it intrigued her more than anything. She didn't know how she didn't realize before: his arrogance. After years of people watching, studying those around her with the same wealth she had and seeing the difference between arrogance and confidence. Arrogance she had learned was a mask usually so thick that what lay beneath it would shock anyone who hadn't noticed. The rest of her shower she wondered what potentially laid underneath Christian's.

She threw on her lace thong and her la perla bra. For a virgin, she probably had the sexiest undergarments of anyone but she would only have the best and she learned quickly that her tastes were for anything feminine. It was the only piece of clothing she could truly have complete control over. Everything else she wore for work or events. She dried her hair and inserted her large rollers finally getting her make-up out. Her foundation and contouring were always the same and never changed. She generally would throw on some mascara, blush, and lipstick and be done but those smoky dark blue shadows were teasing her from her makeup bag. Her makeup artist had spent days teaching her how to apply make-up when she was fifteen; another class her mother requested she attend. She tapped her fingers nervously on the countertop debating whether to attempt the eye shadow or not. Feeling bold, she took the eye shadow and applied it, keeping it simple but of course it enhanced her blue eyes making them wider, more appealing. Her face had a way of letting a little makeup transform her from innocent to indelicate. This was out of norm for her. Finally realizing the differences in her morning routine, she became nervous over analyzing the entire thing before her phone went off. She hurried over, hoping it to be Christian but feeling semi disappointed that it was just a work email. Sighing at the time she applied her mascara forgoing eyeliner so she didn't seem even more suggestive and threw on her dress and shoes. Taking the rollers out and applying hairspray only took a minute and she was finally walking out the door.

"Woah." She heard Kate say from the kitchen as she walked past. Falling into her default stance because she was no longer in the safe haven of her bedroom, she offered Kate a look of acknowledgement. "Your make-up is different." She replied to her look of annoyance.

"I felt bold today." She replied before leaving the apartment already regretting her decision. Hoping that no one else would comment, she met their driver at the front of the building and climbed into the Town Car.

Christian sat in his Bentley annoyed, exhausted, and wishing he had cancelled with Ana. He couldn't sleep at all and maybe got an hour in before giving up and playing the piano. Fucking ridiculous day at work didn't help either. He rubbed his temples exerting enough pressure to try and pop his fucking head. It was all because of her. The racing thoughts and anxiety he felt about doing anything sexual that didn't involve his playroom was fucking with his mind. If Gail hadn't looked like she was floating on cloud nine this morning, he would have definitely cancelled. Pulling up outside of her building, he watched the door for her. He had texted about five minutes back so it shouldn't take long. He saw her emerge and he hung his head in defeat. Rejecting her and the idea of being with her was getting increasingly fucking harder. Her tan dress hugged her body and the way she walked confidently in those pumps would have him at his knees if he were standing out there. There was something different about her not more confident but she looked more aware of her body and the way it moved. She was stopped by an older woman and as always she stood in her normal refined manner offering complete attention to who she was speaking to. When she approached the car more he noticed her makeup. Her eyes were brighter today with her dark shadow and his chest felt like it might explode. Taylor opened the door for her as he watched her smooth legs glide in first with her body following suit. She placed her purse on the floor and looked at him; grimacing a little as she did.

"Hi. Are you feeling okay? We can postpone dinner." She could have been telling him she wanted him to fuck her with a flogger with how sensual her eyes looked tonight.

"Uh. Yeah. I'm fine. A very long day." She settled back into the seat and he watched her decide between her rigid posture and a relaxed one. To his dismay she chose the former. He couldn't settle his thoughts enough to offer good conversation and she sat like a fucking stoic mannequin staring out of the window. He wondered if last night would have this effect. Fuck him, he was bad company tonight. He should have definitely cancelled. Thankful for the phone calls he was receiving, he answered them all hoping to kill the time until they arrived to Escala. Between the both of them, she seemed to be the more confident one in the car.

As they walked out of the elevator into the inviting aromas of Gail's cooking, he saw Ana smile brightly. They approached the kitchen where Gail was standing and he introduced her.

"Gail, this is Ana. Ana, Gail." Ana held her hand out and Gail surprised them both by taking her into an embrace.

"It is so nice to meet you." He would have felt bad if it weren't funny to see Ana caught off guard.

"As you. Dinner smells absolutely delicious. You look as though you have truly outdone yourself." She complemented Gail and he watched Gail's cheeks blush.

"Well, if you want I can bring the appetizer into the living room along with your drinks."

"Actually Gail, I'm going to show Ana the library first if you want to bring them there." Gail nodded at him and he took Ana's purse from her. The fucking thing weighed enough and he wondered how that small body of hers carried it around. God damn it, he was tired. When he turned around to lead her, he had to stop at how excited she looked. Her eyes were bright with intense passion adding yet another image for him to jerk off to later. Taking a deep breath and walking the very thin line of sanity, he placed his hand at her lower back and led her to the library. Opening the door, he knew he would forever hold the memory of bringing her in here. Her eyes widened and her breathing stopped for seconds.

"Christian!" She had her manicured hand at her chest in surprise. Breaking away from him she stepped to the wall of books and ran her fingers down the spines eyeing them with admiration. "This is magnificent and the books, they are beautiful." She uttered breathlessly looking around the room in awe and he felt the exact same way about his view. He watched her eyes dart over the covers of the books and he knew he had bought rare and exquisite books but the way she looked at them you would think God handwrote each one.

"I could curl up in here forever." She commented as she continued her walk around the room stopping at the only thing he really ever used in the room.

"What's this?" She asked and he walked over and touched the screen.

"This has the largest music selection ever along with one of the best sound systems money could buy integrated throughout this room." She stilled a little at how close he was standing and she quickly moved away from him walking towards the books again.

"Do you have a favorite song?" He asked wanting to know more about her and wanting to fill the silence.

"I do. I don't know if you would like it." She spoke before turning around and seeing that he still stood with a questioning look. "It's Trent Dabbs, Turn Our Eyes Away."

He quickly typed in the artist and song name as she resumed pulling out books and sighing in admiration. Finding it, he hit play expecting it to be something about flowers and shit. The piano started with a breathy male voice following soon after. He stopped and listened to the lyrics while he watched her from across the room.

_I'm a broken soul, I'm an open book._

_With many torn out pages._

_And I walk through fire, but I thirst for truth._

_For what I've never tasted._

_And it calls to me again._

_The comfort of the sin._

_Turn our eyes away, turn our eyes away._

_From this path we've taken, washing clean our faces._

_Turn our eyes away, turn our eyes away._

_Leaning on the hope that, one day, even we._

_Oh, one day, even we will be saved._

_I got a war inside, with a flag in hand._

_I'll wait to cry surrender._

_While the pride in me, is fighting who I am._

_Why is it that I linger?_

_I guess every man decides to take or save a life._

He stood shocked at the lyrics that someone as sheltered and innocent as her could connect to a song like this. And did she ever connect. He saw her, eyes closed, and for the first time he saw pain; intense pain on her face. _Fuckkkkk me, _he whined not knowing how he would ever be able to sleep again. She hid something beneath all that etiquette and innocence something dark and painful and it all began to make sense.

Ana felt Christian's breath on her neck as his presence brought her out of the song she had grown accustomed to getting lost in. His arms came around her waist, taking the book from her hands, and returning it to the shelf in front of them. Her heart sank at how vulnerable she probably looked but within this room and the song, she didn't care. His fingers grazed her neck as he hooked her hair and exposed her neck to him. Reacting to the heat of his breath, she angled her head giving him approval. Her legs quivered with the heat of the moment and her breathing became shaky as his lips met her skin. It was more than hormones, pheromones, and any other chemical instigator. They connected within that moment as she could feel his need for touch. This song did it to her too. He drew her closer to him, his kisses growing with intensity and her heart raced at the same speed she nervously tapped her fingers with. It felt more intimate than sexual which only enhanced her feelings, scaring her. It was too early to feel anything this intense for someone. He kissed up her neck and jaw, turning her head towards him, and rendering her thoughts useless. She turned to see his eyes pained and confused. God, he looked exhausted. Her hands grabbed his face shakily and for the first time she kissed him. He didn't respond initially but she continued against her better judgment. She, for some reason, knew he needed this to know that she wanted him. As she pushed her tongue through he finally awoke from the same painful place she had been in. He pushed her up against the shelves, kissing her taking her lips from her and her tongue. His hands roamed wondrously all over her body and the heat that surged through her almost brought her to the floor. She could only grab his shoulders as his large body covered her with every molecule of air filled with dominance. She had to clench her thighs together at how strong the urge was to grind against him. Trance. She was here again, in the clouds, her nerves bubbling closer to the surface to feel more of him.

"Here are some seared scallops and your champagne." Gail's kind voice stopped them immediately as Christians forehead landed on her chest breathlessly.

"Thank you Gail." She spoke back calmly who was now quickly trying to escape the library. Christian pushed away from her and she took a deep breath finally able to now that her lips were free from his. He walked over and grabbed the champagne as she sat in one of the chairs giving her legs the rest they needed. Being handed the glass of champagne she took a quick swig hoping it would bring her back down but it didn't. Her body was on fire with an intense ache at her sex. Christian sat against the couch looking even worse than before and she wished he would just sleep.

"I'm sorry." He grumbled and he took one of the scallops into his mouth. What she would give to replace that scallop. Shaken by the uncharacteristic thought but they kept coming at her. She wanted to sit on the couch with him, take his face in her hands and kiss him again but instead she waited to see if his aggressive behavior would emerge again.

"It's okay. Would you like to go lie down before dinner? I don't mind waiting in here and I'm sure Gail wouldn't mind if we ate later."

"No. I'm fine." Well, obviously his angry tone said otherwise but she knew not to press the issue further. Truly, she shouldn't have mentioned anything at all if she were acting like a lady at all. She took a scallop and ate it noticing the smile of approval from him as she did. A knock on the door had them both looking at it confused.

"Dinner's ready." Gail's voice said nervously before they heard her footsteps and Ana couldn't help but let a small laugh out. Christian stood slowly and as before kept his hand at her lower back to lead her out. It was a protective motion she had learned from the times she watched men do the same leading a woman through a crowd. They both sat at the table as Gail presented them with broiled salmon on top of a quinoa salad. It smelled as delicious as it looked. She ate with her usual etiquette and her usual posture as he offered no room for conversation. He almost looked too exhausted to even think let alone engage in a discussion so she sat quietly and entertained herself throughout the entire dinner. As they finished, she was thankful they didn't have desert. Despite knowing that she should never clear her plate, she ate to help pass the time and silence until all that was left were tiny remnants of Quinoa.

"I should probably be escorted home." She didn't want to upset him more by bringing his exhaustion up again.

"No. We still have to discuss your ideas." He snapped at her and the words of her etiquette teacher, _always allow a man's anger to roll off your body like butter on toast because it's most likely not about you_, helped her stay. She took out the folder from her tote and joined him in the living room. His taste was somewhat cold when it came to décor. Mostly white walls with scattered beautiful art showcasing the paintings but even those paintings seemed pained. She began to talk about the community service hours they could offer to teaching students at the universities for tutoring at the community centers. His breathing slowed and his eyes blinked slower as she continued. Not wanting to stop and give him the impression he was being rude, she kept talking. It only took five minutes before he was fast asleep and she gathered her papers back into the folder. Staring at him as he slept left her with her thoughts again; the ones that were telling her she proceeded into deep waters failing to find her footing along the way. She stood and walked over to him knowing that the snoring meant she could help him without him waking. Her hands grabbed his shoulders, admiring the thick hard broadness of them, and she guided him down slowly, pulling a cushion under his head as she did. He was much heavier than she expected but dead weight wasn't something she was familiar with. Her fingers grazed his face before she could stop herself. His smooth skin teased hers and she moved up to run her hands through his hair; the copper color shining between her fingers. She brushed the hair off his forehead and kissed him softly. Taking a deep breath and moving away she covered him with a throw that hung loosely on the couch. She grabbed her things and stared at him once more, drinking in the image of him sleeping and she headed for the elevator.

Sitting in bed finally feeling comfortable in a nightgown and her luscious duvet covering her, she took out some of the design covers of books to go over and read some of the new typescripts of her authors. She wasn't tired tonight and taking her mind off Christian with work seemed appropriate. Her phone began to ring and she smiled at Christian's name appearing on her screen.

"Hello." She answered calmly even though her nerves felt like dancing fireworks.

"Hi, I'm sorry I fell asleep. Mind if I come over?" He asked and he still didn't sound rested which she quickly decided she didn't want to deal with.

"I don't think so. It's getting pretty late." She replied with certainty.

"I'm here already."


	5. Chapter 5: A Little Added Color

_Enjoy! Thank you for all of your wonderful reviews! There's a present at the end. :)_

Chapter 5: A Little Added Color

_Why even ask then? _She thought when she heard Kate's voice through the phone. _What in the world? _

Her whole body tensed as she realized he was in their apartment now. Struggling to move gracefully, and not completely disorder all of her work on the bed, her hands were trying to gather all of the papers quickly. She wasn't put together at all: no makeup, a short nightgown, and no one besides Kate and her parents had ever seen her this way. Racing, her heart felt like it was going to beat right out of her chest. Her head snapped towards the door when she saw the door handle move and Kate open it. Quickly and with faster reflexes than she even knew existed, she threw her blanket over her and hid. She recognized that it was childish but she wasn't ready for him to see her naked yet, and not in the physical sense.

"Ana, What are you doing?" His deep and irritated voice asked her.

"Christian, you can't be in here. Please wait outside." Her voice was shaky and she felt butterflies to the millionth degree; the ones that make you completely uncomfortable with how overwhelming they feel.

"Why?" He snapped. _Why even come if you're going to be testy?_

"I'm not in appropriate attire and" He cut her off.

"Jesus Ana." His sigh was loud and frustrated. "I'm sure you look beautiful." Her lips pursed as she tried not to smile at the comment.

"What are you doing here?" She became confused as she could hear him the ruffled sounds of his clothes.

"I'm sleeping here." Her breathing stopped, and not as in hitched, it stopped. She heard a zipper and she flew up from under the covers. When she did he looked at her amused as if something was funny about her appearance.

"No! Doesn't that require an invitation?" She snapped at him unable to believe he thought it would work.

"You kissing me on my forehead weren't an invitation?" She felt about an inch tall and then she saw herself in the mirror. Scratch that. A millimeter tall. Her hair looked like someone zapped her with about 1000 volts and she understood his amused reaction now.

"You were supposed to be asleep?" She shot back as she tried to calm her hair with her fingers.

"I saw it on the camera." He replied and he continued to undress. "Ana, I won't touch you. I just need to sleep and this is the only way that I can. You can have innocent Christian."

"Oxymoron!" She commented back as he gave her a surprised smirk.

"Did you just make a joke?" Great, he was now mocking her before intruding on her personal space. They didn't teach you how to handle this in etiquette class. Oh, but he looked so good when he smiled. Baring all teeth and the crinkle at his eyes told her it was genuine and definitely arousing.

"Believe or not I can contribute some humorous statements to a conversation." He shook his head.

"And she's back." A side comment and she brought her focus back to the situation at hand and not the fact that he had just taken off his shirt. She has seen men sans shirts before but if God had created a perfect ratio of shoulders, chest, and hips; he would be it. She felt lightheaded and even once pinched her thigh to make sure she hadn't fallen asleep while reading some typescripts.

"Christian, why would you only be able to sleep here?" She questioned while staring at his body in awe. _I want to touch him. _She was a child to an elevator button where some hidden and intense craving made her almost move from her spot.

"Ana, I need to know you won't be with anyone else. You are mine." He bellowed and her head cocked a little with concern.

"Is this what has been occupying your mind? I mean why you can't sleep?" She watched him sit on the edge of her bed and at this point she would give in just so he would get some rest. Logically, she should allow him to stay because she does like to help in any way possible. The thousands of people he employed rely on him which in turn makes it now her problem. _There is a way to justify any action, _she snapped at herself.

"Yes." God, he looked like he was about to collapse and in probably the weakest moment of her life she pulled the covers back and patted the space. He looked at her with a grin so wide and infectious she couldn't help but match it.

"Christian, I won't be with anyone else. I couldn't handle another person in the mix. You're enough for right now." It was true. She hadn't been with anyone seriously ever and again she waded into deep waters by pursuing a billionaire. Why couldn't she start small white a doctor or a congressman? He climbed in and she never thought she could appreciate having a king-sized bed more as he pulled the sheet and comforter up to under his arm and he faced her. Feeling uncomfortable, she busied herself with clearing the papers and putting them neatly back into her tote. What was she doing? They had a guest room that he could use but she liked having him close. She rubbed her fingers together nervously before turning the light off and lying down. Her heart raced at full speed and it filled the silence of her ears as she stared off into the darkness of her room. At one time, her heart raced out of fear, body paralyzing fear with her mother's second marriage. Her stepfather had seemed so perfect from the very beginning. He had paid special attention to her, buying her American girl dolls like the company had declared bankruptcy and spoiling her mother with attention and money. They were inseparable the first year and her mother had never worn a brighter smile than when she was with him. Ana could remember the first time he hit her. It took three years for him to grow hateful of her, almost disgusted although he only showed it when they were alone. Out in public and in front of his mother she was her favorite girl. She had always convinced herself it was the stressors of work but after six months of his abuse and replaying his abusive statements she realized he despised her. He enjoyed taking out whatever aggression he had on her. Trying not to think about him more, she closed her eyes but scenes from the abuse started hitting her at full speed. With the already intense anxiety she felt about having Christian in her bed, it didn't surprise her that her mind took full advantage. He would punch her in places that were easily covered, hit her with whatever he had close usually in her scalp, or he would sneak into her room at night and torture her. He never raped her but he stayed long enough and lay close enough to force her to almost die with anticipation. Always at 3 in the morning he would get up and leave, letting her cry for the rest of the night. There were days she felt like she might collapse from exhaustion at school. She couldn't notify anyone. He always told her that if it wasn't her it was her mother and she knew. She knew her mother would go deep into depression, never leave if it was her, but she would leave Ana as she would wither away under his control. There were times that she initiated the abuse with him when he was deep in anger because she was afraid he might take it out on her mother.

_See what you made me do you selfish bitch. You pushed me. You made me do this. Who would believe the spoiled princess? The one sitting on that pretty fucking throne living in my house spending my fucking money._

She hated his language the most. The way it would roll of his tongue disgusted her, because that was the worst part. He verbally abused her all the time. It was easier for him to serve. Snide comments, names, and threats anytime she passed him, he would whisper into her ear. Tears never came anymore. She had become too detached from it all and she never cried after they left him. Truly, she couldn't remember the last time she had cried. Years probably.

"Ana." Christian's cavernous voice seemed so far away. "You're shaking. Are you okay?"

She opened her eyes, returning to her reality and those memories left her feeling vulnerable and exposed. Needing something and finally having someone next to her, she moved towards him and pulled his arm over her waist. She couldn't turn to look at him. She had a suspicion that if anyone could revive her tears, it would most likely be him.

"Are you okay?" He asked again before she nodded. Her voice would be too suggestive of sadness. His warmth and well-built body up against hers cured her doubts of safety. The way he held her and tucked his hand underneath her completely enveloping her in an embrace calmed her. Protected. She felt protected. She closed her eyes and focused on feeling his chest rise and fall before allowing it to lull her to sleep.

Christian woke from his deep sleep, a cycle of sleep he hadn't been able to reach for fucking ever. His lids felt heavy but his dick was throbbing uncomfortably enough to wake him up. Reaching down to offer some relief by shifting his erection, his fingers ran across smooth skin and then an almost rough feeling fabric. He ran against it again before realizing it was Ana's lace panties. _Fucking shoot me. _He lifted the blanket a little to see her nightgown had rode up exposing some of her stomach and lace fucking panties. Her long legs disappearing underneath the comforters but it was all he needed to see. Moving closer to her he began by lightly leaving small pecks on her neck knowing it was a safe zone they had already visited. She flinched a bit before relaxing again. Her face angelic as she slept and he moved even closer before letting his tongue slide up her neck. It woke her up slowly and to his surprise she angled her head away giving him better access. He began again at her collarbone this time, his tongue licking lightly with each kiss and her mouth made the best god damn sounds he had ever heard. Throbbing harder now, his dick wouldn't last long if she did anything with it. Fuck, he wanted her more than he had ever wanted anything. Shifting so that he now hovered over her, he lowered himself down to test how she would respond to feeling how hard he craved her. She stilled with tension before he kissed her to bring her out of it. Her soft lips tasting so sweet and when she allowed his tongue to slip in, he couldn't help but shiver with excitement.

"Is this okay?" He whispered breaking the seal of their lips and she raised her hands to his cheeks.

"Fine. No sex though." A twinge of disappointment hit him but he had expected it. He knew it wouldn't be happening tonight.

"I know. We'll take it slow. I'm going to give you what you came to the other night. Do you remember?" She swallowed loudly before answering.

"Yes." Her whisper was barely audible but he continued anyway. Not wanting to overwhelm her, he started off slowly. Taking her lips and building her arousal by increasing the intensity in small increments. Fuck, her body was soft and she smelled like pears and fresh flowers. Her hands moved to his cheeks as she began to respond with force driving his hands to her stomach. Her belly quivered at the touch and his dick grew at how sensitive she was to his movements and hands. Soft fingers grazed his back now, exploring his body, and tickling his skin. She would be the death of him. Her scent, soft skin, and the warmth she emitted. Sure, she had pain but the kindness in her eyes that existed always made her perfect to him.

Ana couldn't get enough of his soft lips taking her with everything she had. It felt like he was pulling every ounce of arousal hidden within her body to the surface. His large hands at her stomach didn't help either. They were teasing every nerve she had and they began to roam north. Inching closer to her breasts, she started to tense. It would be the first time anyone had ever touched her sensually.

"Relax Ana." He whispered and then he kissed her again more savagely this time. As he did, he grabbed her breasts, squeezing them lightly while taking his thumb and rubbing her nipples. Her whole body surged with heat and she squirmed beneath him overwhelmed by the sensations. His fingers were soft but his actions rough and as much as she wanted to hate it, she couldn't. The pain just felt right and paired with his kiss made her feel wet at her sex.

"Damn it Ana. Take this off." He growled to her while pulling at her nightgown and she raised some to aide in his mission. She would bare anything to keep him right where he was, so close to her. _Well, besides my hymen, _she thought to herself before giggling. God, this wasn't her. Was it?

"What's so funny?" He pulled back and asked her looking confused.

"I thought of something funny. Keep going." She ordered and he smirked as if it surprised him more than it surprised her. Attacking her mouth again, she let her hands touch his shoulders, admiring the thick and hard feel of his muscles. His back was the same and she relished being able to place her hands completely at his hips feeling that same hard feel of his strength underneath. He screamed just carnal pleasure with everything he had. It was so different, lightening during a storm where she only heard thunder. Inch by inch, she felt an intense daze blanketing her rendering her useless of self-doubt. It was absolutely terrifying and yet extremely exciting all bottled into this one experience. Small whimpers sounded as he kissed her chest flicking his tongue as he did. He was getting so close to her breasts and small fragments of his warm breath would hit them and she would writhe with anticipation. Her body became its own as she kept trying to move herself up to feel his lips on her nipples. She needed it. A sharp hiss at her attempts left him as he finally gave her what she wanted. Wet flicks of his tongue as he sucked on them had her quivering.

"You like that baby?" He managed to ask breathlessly between breasts. She couldn't get a word out, just air and he indulged her other nipple in his erotic expertise. _Oh. My. God. _She bit her lower lip hard to restrain from seeming even more in bliss. She wanted to keep some power.

"Don't Ana. I want to hear you." She moaned at the statement as his kisses moved lower. He licked down her stomach nipping at her skin with his teeth. Her back arched with each nip, a response she didn't have to think about. She couldn't think about anything. Her mind was an empty space while her body took every sensation with pleasure. Her heart was pounding against her rib cage like a trapped animal and as his erection brushed against her thigh she couldn't tell if she were going to pass out from the fear or orgasm from the excitement.

"You are full of surprises Ana." His voice, animalistic, hit her sex with wild passion. She looked down to see him pulling at her lace thong before ripping it. She could have stroked at the sight and then she started feeling self-conscious so she closed her thighs nervously.

"No, Ana. Never feel embarrassed around me." His large hands gripped the inside of her thighs and lowered them down. She noted his restraint as he did making her think he wanted to slam them down against her bed. His warm breath on her sex weakened her as she melted into the bed completely at his mercy. His lips touched the inside of her thighs as his soft tongue moved with them. She had a vague thought that this would be an appropriate time to use the f-word if she had the courage to do so.

The first time she felt his tongue on her sex, she shook in surprise. The sensation was hot, a roaring intensity that almost paralyzed her. He kept going, licking her slowly at first before increasing his speed. She felt his tongue enter her before he pulled back up.

"God Ana. You taste so fucking good." Thank God it was dark because her cheeks blushed brighter than a ripe tomato. He didn't give her long to feel mortified by attending to her again. She wanted to touch his hair, grab it actually but she didn't know what he would think. It was all becoming too intimate. He was too close down there.

"Ana. Quit thinking." He growled and how he knew she was coming out of his trance surprised her. His hands grabbed hers as he continued to lick even faster pushing her boundaries even further. Placing her hands at his head to feel his soft luscious locks, she knew he was giving her permission. She clenched fistfuls of hair banishing every thought that dared try entering her mind. It was her and him. Her body roared with heat and his deep growls weren't helping. Moaning softly and she held her breath to withstand some of the overwhelming need to crawl up her walls. She was so close as he licked her faster and ending it with one thrust of his tongue into her.

"Christiannnn," She screamed as it felt like her energy were being pulled completely out of her body but hovering above her leaving her suspended in time. He had given her complete and freeing relaxation even as her body contracted violently. Nothing. She thought and saw nothing but felt and witnessed everything. Her eyes clenched shut but she saw sparks. Finally catching her breath, she lay weakly on her bed. Tranquility.

Christian crawled back up to lay besides her enjoying his view of her post orgasm state. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes closed with a beaming grin and when she opened her eyes to see him staring at her. She giggled nervously. God fucking damn it, she was the sweetest thing he had ever seen _and _tasted. Yup, he was at her mercy fucking completely. She curled up on her side where he gathered her close not caring that she was touching his chest. It was something he would have to give up to be with her anyway. He couldn't give her vanilla sex with limitations. It just didn't seem right and as if she would hurt him. Her touch anywhere on his body was gentle. His dick was straining against the fabric of his boxer briefs begging for a release. Eyeing her bathroom, he wondered if he should take care of it himself but he heard her whisper.

"Let me help you." It wasn't confident but he didn't expect it from her that way either.

"Ana, you don't have to." He replied reassuringly.

"I know but I want to. You look pained." Her voice a soft breeze hit him in all the right places except one. He was about to reassure her not to when she sat up in the bed and pulled at his boxer briefs.

"Direct me. I have no idea what I'm doing so you're going to have to tell me what to do." There was that confidence and strength he was first drawn to. Lifting his hips to help her pull his underwear off, her eyes grew wide when his dick flung free. It stroked his ego some. He heard her clear her throat before looking at him for guidance. Her doe eyed blue eyes staring at him while she bit at her lip nervously. He was about to ask if she had any lube before realizing how fucking ridiculous that question was. He damn well couldn't ask her to spit. As he wondered how to begin, he felt her warm mouth cover him some before pulling back up quickly.

"Fuck, Ana." He threw his head back. "Do you _need_ guidance?" He asked teasingly before she looked at him still nervous.

"That felt good then? Kate once told me what she did and you looked nervous to direct me. So, I did it." She rambled all in nerves. It was then he realized she did better with instruction and orders satisfying his dominant in him.

"Ana, do that again. Go as far down as you can before you feel uncomfortable." He wanted her to coat his dick with her wetness. She did go down moving her tongue not nearly enough but it did the job.

"Now, take both hands and grip it." He helped by taking both of her hands placing them on him. He surged at the touch making her still a little. As he showed her how to move her hands, his head fell back at how fucking fantastic it felt. She moved with the speed he left her at, the tug of her hands making his dick pulse harder. He wasn't going to last long, not now that it was finally her touching him.

"Jesus" He hissed and he looked up to watch her. She was smiling at him and her speed had increased.

"I like seeing you this way." She commented and the singe of arousal that was in it almost had him exploding right there. Her strokes were faster now and she watched excitedly as he grew closer. Fucking A, she was beautiful. Her hands were beautiful especially on his cock, and the way she bit her lip every time he twitched with pleasure made him want to fuck her right then. His thoughts were racing, well; the curse words of pleasure were racing throughout his head. Those delicate fingers doing such a fucking damn good job were making him growl louder.

"Ana, take me in your mouth." She did as he asked not going very far down as she did but it did the job. His cock was aching and he knew it wouldn't take long. He showed her how to keep stroking at his base while she took the top part of him in his mouth. She was a damn quick learner. There was no need to tell her to use her tongue, the damn thing whipped around his dick like a hummingbird's wings.

"Ana, I'm going to come. You might want to take me out of your mouth." She did as he directed but continued her strokes like the damn angel she was. Fisting the sheets, he came with a deep growl one that continued throughout his entire orgasm. It was different; more intense. It was the first time he had ever questioned whether emotions really did play a part in sex. She stroked slower and he looked down to see her hands covered with him. She was staring at it all in admiration, proud of herself for what she had given him. Climbing off the bed gracefully, she hurried to her bathroom where he heard the water running. Letting his head fall back against the pillow, he breathed easier with a much needed calm flooding his body. A warm wet washcloth graced his skin as she cleaned him, making him shake when she touched his cock again. She watched intently as she wiped his skin, so focused and yet so gentle with him. Throwing the washcloth in her laundry basket, she climbed back into bed finding her nightgown.

"No. You better get used to being naked with me." He took the nightgown and threw it on the floor. "Come here." She scooted closer to him and then melted into him as he spooned her.

Inhaling the coconut smell of her hair, he couldn't help but kiss her neck. "Thank you." He whispered into her ear recognizing it was the first time he had responded that way to an orgasm.

"I like making you feel good." She replied back sweetly before completely relaxing into him. He cherished this moment, the first moment that she had ever let herself go and relax for him. Only him. He heard her scoff as he looked over to see her eyes closed but the most content smile to grace a woman's face.

"What are you smiling about?" He asked before returning to nuzzling her neck.

"Right now; your scent, your touch, and your embrace remind me of an open field. Prairie grass moves with the wind and everything is as it should be on a sunny day."

"I take it that it's a good thing?" He questioned.

"It's the best thing. That open field is where I go when I want to escape. It's where I feel completely safe."

* * *

**Snippet for Chapter 6 of The Lion and The Dove  
**

**"So, I made Pan seared shrimp with ravioli and a vodka cream sauce. Don't eat it if you don't like it. I don't mind ordering a pizza." He gave her a dramatized shock look before trying it. The cream sauce melted his taste buds with its delicious taste. She took a bite after she saw that he enjoyed it and she relaxed even more.**

**"I had no idea you could cook?"**

**"I don't know if I should be offended or…" She said jokingly and he finally realized the meaning of her statement this morning. Her whole demeanor changed in this room which he could understand. Your bedroom was supposed to be your safe haven. "Kate can't cook so that left me. I also spent a lot of time at home growing up and being bored so I would just test recipes." Another piece of information given; one that he couldn't find on her background check. She hadn't stopped smiling since they sat down; little smirks, large grins that bared all her teeth, and ones accompanied by small laughs. Joining in her enjoyment he relaxed more after finishing his food. He rested his head on a propped elbow as he admired her little quirks. When she got excited, she bared all teeth and nipped her lower lip. When she became embarrassed she dropped her head into both hands and shook her head. It was the cutest fucking thing he had ever seen. What the fuck was happening to him? When he watched women, it was to note what made them aroused, which one of his ticks they responded to, and when their breathing hitched. He was watching her to see what made her relax, what humor she laughed at, and how her eyes creased when she truly smiled with ease. The scent of coconut grew stronger as she inched closer or it could be that they had already started the second bottle of wine.**

...


	6. Chapter 6: A Little Bit Stronger

_Enjoy! Thank you all for your wonderful responses. :)_

Chapter 6: A Little Bit Stronger

Blur. Dazed and feeling surprisingly rested, Christian rolled over to find Ana already up. Fuck, he hadn't slept that good in years. He could vaguely hear her soft voice suddenly sounding irritated from the bathroom. She was talking to someone. He decided to use the time to relax before seeing her. He couldn't help but listen to the conversation.

"Daddy, I put the schedule and the medication list on the refrigerator and I put another copy by your bed. Don't make me come down there and force feed you your medication myself. Also, have you been following the diet plan I put together for you? This is your heart. You can't be joking with this."

It sounded exactly like her; a mothering yet stern presence that when coming out of her little body and with her sweet blue eyes- it felt surreal. He smiled feeling bad for her father with her as an overbearing daughter but he understood her need for control especially around those you cared about. He had an entire security team specifically for her with two always outside her building and on watch.

"I know I'm crabby. I'm sorry. It's just I slept in and you know how well I deal with a change in routine. Anyway, I'll have Wanda pick up your groceries this morning and also pre make your meals so you won't have to worry about it."

He heard her sigh with frustration and he almost got up to sneak a peek at her. In his mind he pictured her with her hand on her hip and brow furrowed. He hadn't ever seen her angry before.

"Daddy, it's my money not his. I made sound choices in investments that have paid off already."

Fuck, she was different; normal to his world but different. An enigma. He remembered her oxymoron comment that surprised him. She was always direct and even in humor she possessed that quality. Sighing again in defeat, he smirked knowing that she had met her match with her father but he knew in the end Ana would get her way. Who the fuck could say no to her?

"Fine. You can make the meals but Wanda will do the shopping. Don't even think that I won't be checking up on you though." She giggled in response to whatever her father said. It was an unbound and a liberated giggle like the one he had heard last night. He so damn wished he knew what had made her do that so he could take note and use it. To hear something so rarely used made it singular and superior to any other laugh he had ever heard.

"Okay, well the day I start cursing like you will be the day that they add beer to the food pyramid. I'll have a field day with it as I'm sure you will. I have to run. I love you lots." He had never heard her so relaxed and although he knew it wasn't complete uninhibited speech for her, he still was jealous. Hearing her brushing her teeth, he decided it was time to climb out of bed. Her room was what he expected from her. He hoped that she decorated it personally because then it would give him some insight. The room itself was enormous with exposed brick decorating the entire wall her bed sat against. Her king-sized bed sat against the brick, with a curved fabric headboard and even it didn't shrink the room. A beautiful vintage chandelier hung above her white ruffled comforter and grey throw. Everything seemed vintage, even the stand at the end of her bed and the bookshelves along the walls. It didn't surprise him. From what he knew of her, this seemed right.

"Oh, you're up. I would've woken you but you looked so peaceful and I figured you're a billionaire and your own boss. Who's going to fire you?" She shrugged her shoulders and spoke sheepishly relieving him of her prim self.

"Come here." He ordered and she looked at the clock above him before walking over. Dressed in a mustard yellow dress that hit slightly above the knee and a thin brown belt cinching her waist, she glided over less rigid than she usually walked. It was more age appropriate than anything he had seen her in being she was only 23. She took a risk today. Stopping in front of him, he couldn't help but admire her all done up and ready for work. Hell, even he wanted to fucking apply for a position at the company just to see her. Maybe he would buy it? Grabbing her waist, he pulled her swiftly so that she was straddling him; her dress riding up as she did. Trying to control her smile became amusing to watch; it was really fucking adorable though. "I like you this relaxed with me. I want more." He spoke lowly as he traced the jaw of her face with his finger. "Dinner tonight?" He asked as she sat up straight and her blue eyes looked down upon him with enjoyment.

"Fine but let's do it here, in my room." Damn, direct didn't cut it. Knowing this wasn't about her wanting sex already, he gave her a questioning look. He could certainly fucking hope he was wrong though. "This is the easiest place I can relax. I'll cook and you just head over when you're done with work." He was stroking her thighs now, the creamy olive skin so soft to the touch.

"Deal." He replied and Ana lowered her lips to his, running her hands through his hair as she did. It was soft and sensual. His dick stood to attention hastily at that. He expected her to flinch, jump, or just stop kissing but she didn't. He could feel her smile in the midst of their kiss and a growl emanated from him. "Ana, don't start something unless you plan to finish it." She climbed off quickly, grinning like a patron at a wedding.

"I'm sorry. We're for sure taking care of that tonight though. I promise. Use my shower or anything else you need." She was hastily pacing around the room, grabbing her tote, and applying her lipstick at the same time. Direct and innocent; a surprising and different combination that as always, she achieved so effortlessly. Walking quickly, as amusing as it was, in her high heels she kissed him once more as he grabbed her ass and squeezed it under her dress.

"Christian!" She gasped feigning disapproval but her enjoyment was there. He could fucking see it as the corner of her lips turned up. In admiration he watched as she exited her door. Each day, she had become less stiff and more relaxed with him. This morning had to be the best he's had, well ever. Heading into her bathroom he examined it for more clues. Everything neatly organized even her bathroom had a French vintage feel to it. The towels grey with ivory damask designs. As he turned the shower on, he saw all her toiletries neatly stacked, still wet from her shower this morning. He couldn't help but think of fucking her in there, her small ass against the white subway tile. His dick was throbbing now and seeing the panties he ripped off the night before in her garbage can did him in. He had one goal for the shower and it wasn't to get clean.

Ana sat in her office feeling frustrated with the way her co-workers had been treating her since she got promoted. Of course, it had been a surprise to her because she had only been working at SIP for a year. She was qualified for the position and if she were to be honest, her work was superior to others. As they spent all their time going out to nightclubs after work and showing up the next morning hungover, she was doing all of her work and then some. They all had liked her as a fellow editor; reading chapters alongside them. As soon as she was promoted, they all turned on her. Looks filled with disdain and although, she knew it was envy, it hurt nonetheless. The past three months had been all about establishing some authority and it wasn't going too well. In all reality, the entire thing had hit a breaking point. She wished she owned the same emanating dominance Christian did. She was sure he never had this problem. Now, she had to discipline someone and she struggled with it. Robin walked into her office casually not caring for the reason she called her in.

"Ana." She said coldly as she sat in the chair across from her. Robin was 23 and was given confidence to disobey Ana from the fellow editors who also despised her increase in rank.

"Robin. All of your chapters have been late this week." She began out confidently. _There's a polite way to do everything. _She reminded herself as Robin sat arrogantly and didn't seem too interested in what she had to say.

"This will be your second disciplinary write-up due to less than satisfactory work." She commented keeping it as formal and professional as possible but Ana began to feel enraged at how dismissive Robin was acting towards her. She scoffed at Ana's statement. Everyone always looked at her like a doormat and she has never been one. Saying no was easy no matter how many times you had to reiterate the reply for it to register but this, Robin. It was angering.

"What little bird got you this job princess?" Robin spat back spitefully, angry that someone like Ana was in the position to discipline her. She knew her innocent look and soft spoken voice gave the impression that she would let comments like that roll over her. Usually she did because the way she learnt to handle instigators was to ignore and not let their mission of riling you up be accomplished. Not this time. Not after last night. She didn't gain the confidence to put herself out there naked for a man after 23 years to deal with petty drama like this.

"You're fired for insubordination. Your comment is the third and final disciplinary write-up. Please pack your things and leave. If you plan to cause a scene, I will not hesitate to call security." She sat in her usual prim form but made sure her stare was intense. It shocked her how easy it was for Robin to cower and begin to cry.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. Please. I love this job." Small pains of guilt began within her but she knew she couldn't take it back. This was her job now.

"Please pack your things." And as quickly as she had turned into a crying mess, she quickly turned into a raging angry woman.

"Fuck you then and fuck this place. Putting you in charge!" She began yelling and Ana calmly picked up her phone and requested security. Her heart was pounding. As much as she looked confident, she did hate confrontation. Too many times they spiraled out of control easily. It reminded her of Tom's angry moments. Still cursing, security managed to knock calmly and enter before Robin saw her options.

"I'm fucking fine. I'll grab my things just don't touch me." She yelled and Ana watched them walk out of her office. She stood and closed the door before settling back in her chair. She finally let herself feel the effects of the confrontation. Her heart racing and her breathing became rapid. Feeling overwhelmed she picked up her phone and dialed.

"Hello." His booming voice answered in what she could only describe as boss mode.

"Hi." She spoke warmly although her voice was shaky.

"Hey." He relaxed and his voice warmed. "Are you okay?"

"I just fired someone. I've never done it before. I feel horrible." Her hands were still shaking and not from the guilt but from the still remaining energy of Robin's anger.

"Ana, I'm sure they deserved it. I'm proud of you." His words instantly released a weight of tension. She needed to hear some reassurance for her decision. Usually, she would call Kate but for some reason she found herself dialing him.

"Thank you." She said as a grand exhale escaped her.

"You're welcome." She imagined him smirking as he said that. "I am in the middle of a meeting. I'll see you tonight." Shocked and feeling intrusive she could only offer a mhm before hanging up. Why would he answer in the middle of a meeting? She didn't have time to ponder the reasons before her phone began to ring. Elise informed her it was her salon that she had a hair appointment with the next day.

"Hello."

"Ana?" A deceptively warm and high pitched voice asked.

"Yes."

"Hi, it's Elena Lincoln. I own Esclava. I know we haven't met since you joined as a client. I wanted to call and remind you personally of your appointment tomorrow at 4."

"Oh. What a pleasure to meet you. Thank you for your reminder." Ana's body began to calm completely from the scene as she melted back into her chair.

"I also called for another reason. I wanted to know if you would be interested in dinner tomorrow night. I'm interested in joining the board for Stop Gang Violence."

"Of course. I actually have no plans for dinner and we're always looking for interested members." She spoke excitedly. They needed people who actually cared for the cause and not the attention.

"Well, I'll be at the salon tomorrow. We can leave from there."

"Perfect. Thank you again for calling." Her feelings eased from the confrontation earlier and into excitement over the dinner.

"What a sweetheart you are. Just so sweet." Elena replied in almost an uncomfortable tone but Ana brushed it off blaming it on the aftermath of Robin's termination.

"Thank you. I will speak to you tomorrow." She hung up feeling exhausted already after all the conflicting emotions. Getting back to work, she completed all the necessary paperwork for firing Robin, and made sure to organize a meeting before everyone left to address the scene. Hopefully, one good outcome would be that they now would at least see her as an authority figure.

All of the editors sat in front of her in the conference room. Half looked nervous and the other half looked bored. Today would be the day that she would stop and put them all in line. She had spoken in front of groups larger than this before and they needed to hear it. Channeling some of Christian's dominance, her stance became stronger and she prepared to sound as serious as she could.

"Robin was fired today because of insubordination. Now, I know many of you lack the respect of my position here because of my age or because of the fact that it only took a year for me to reach this position. Well, I am here because my work was turned in on time, I have never been late to work, and because I helped many of you with your editing. What _you_ have been proving for the past three months is that they made the correct decision. The work that has been turned in for the past couple months has been subpar along with your attitudes. I don't think all of you understand how many applications this company receives for your positions each day, especially with this economy. Please get your chapters to me on time, please show up to work on time, and please respect my position here so you can all retain your jobs to support yourselves." She smiled kindly at the end and left the conference room feeling like she might just pass out.

Cracking his fingers to release some of the tension provided from work, Christian opened the door to Ana's building and the doorman quickly let him in. He was excited for tonight, the anticipation of what she would cook, and eating it with her relaxed, thrilled him. He knocked on her door already able to smell the scent of her cooking. His mouth watered at the scent and then at her as she opened her door. She stood in skinny jeans, a loose t-shirt that bared her shoulder, and bare feet. He could have fucking pinned her to the floor right there. Her hair pulled back into a ponytail and a small strip of sweat above her lips.

"Hi. Come in. You can head on into my room. I just have to grab some wine glasses." If he were blind, he would be able to find his way just from the scent of the food. The aroma was thick with an Italian scent. Fuck, he was hungry. Opening her door, he was graced with a blanket on the floor. Candles lit the room and pillows surrounded the food. What looked like shrimp and ravioli made his mouth water more. He dropped his jacket on the end of her bed and loosened his tie when he heard a smooth voice singing from her computer. He was so fucking out of his element. She appeared in the doorway sensing his discomfort.

"I did too much didn't I? I'm sorry. I have never done this before and I" She hung her head releasing a deep breath with it.

"No, it's fine. No one has ever done this for me before." Her shoulders picked back up as she winced at him.

"Are you sure?" She asked him and he hated to see her tense.

"I'm sure. Let's eat." He sat down on the floor against the pillows where she sat with her legs crossed but her shoulders relaxed. Some stray curled strands fell to frame her face as she handed him his glass of wine. She was exquisitely beautiful and seeing her so unwound aroused him.

"So, I made Pan seared shrimp with ravioli and a vodka cream sauce. Don't eat it if you don't like it. I don't mind ordering a pizza." He gave her a disapproving look before trying it. The cream sauce melted his taste buds with its delicious taste. She took a bite after she saw that he enjoyed it and she relaxed even more.

"I had no idea you could cook?"

"I don't know if I should be offended or…" She said jokingly and he finally realized the meaning of her statement this morning. Her whole demeanor changed in this room which he could understand. Your bedroom was supposed to be your safe haven. "Kate can't cook so that left me. I also spent a lot of time at home growing up and being bored so I would just test recipes." Another piece of information was given; one that he couldn't find on her background check. She hadn't stopped smiling since they sat down; little smirks, large grins that bared all her teeth, and ones accompanied by small laughs. Joining in her enjoyment he relaxed more after finishing his food. He rested his head on a propped elbow as he admired her little quirks. When she got excited, she bared all teeth and nipped her lower lip. When she became embarrassed she dropped her head into both hands and shook her head. It was the cutest fucking thing he had ever seen. What the fuck was happening to him? When he watched women, it was to note what made them aroused, which one of his ticks they responded to, and when their breathing hitched. He was watching her to see what made her relax, what humor she laughed at, and how her eyes creased when she truly smiled with ease. The scent of coconut grew stronger as she inched closer or it could be that they had already started the second bottle of wine.

"Why did you answer my phone call today? You were in a meeting." She asked cocking her head and looking all too curious as her eyes narrowed some. He took a breath hoping it didn't make him seem too desperate.

"I don't want to miss a thing with you. I always wonder if a missed call would be the one where you decided to bare all for me. It's not happening ever." He made her nervous, he could tell by the way she smiled yet bit at the inside of her lip

"Okay, I know this is going to sound like a strange request." She started off nervously and wrestled her fingers together. He returned her same expression of narrowed eyes and a cocked head feeling really fucking curious now. "Um, can I touch your body? Like just explore. I know I was able to last night but I just want to feel you." The last three words were whispers by the time she got them out. _Fuck. _Obviously feeling embarrassed, because he noted, she dropped her head into her hands and whined a little. He guessed being a virgin; she had probably never explored a man's body. The satisfaction he gained each time he thought of being her first everything even surprised him. At first, it scared the shit out of him. Just plain terrified him but after a whole night spent debating the entire fucking thing, he realized he wanted to be her first. He knew taking his shirt off would lead to an uncomfortable moment when she saw the fucked up damage of his past. Fuck his past, he was hopefully staring at his future. He had also yet to address the playroom issue but he was going to prolong it for as long as he fucking could. Taking his shirt off, she watched him trying to hide her excitement, her lips pursing and her toes curling and uncurling with intense speed.

"Come here." He prompted her and she crawled closer to him, her ponytail hanging loosely and he could see her tits as her shirt hung from her. Fuck his scars, what was he going to do about his hard dick now? He grabbed her hips and threw her on him. It was easy for as light as she was. Her legs straddled him and her delicate hands caught herself on his chest.

"Sit like that as you touch me. I'm hard already." This time she bit her lower lip visibly at him and watched him amusingly.

Oh Lord, that smile could make her undress for him right there. A boyish yet devious smile made every cell in her body flood with endorphins. They beamed within her.

"I like this song." He commented releasing her from her stare.

"Oh, it's Amos Lee. Arms of a Woman. Fitting huh?" She threw a shoulder as she smiled at him. Beginning at his fingers, she traced them curiously. She had never been so intimate with a man's body before and for some reason she had an aching need to just explore. His forearm was probably the size of her thigh which she found strangely the most arousing body part on him. The vein protruding in a dominant way as if just that feature signified his strength. She also had no other male to compare this information to. He watched her fingers as she touched the ridge of his biceps. His skin was hard and his muscles weren't overwhelmingly big but large enough for her to pity the person that ever met his fists. His breathing and erection hitched with each graze and touch. It was arousing but more intimate for her as she enjoyed the heat of his skin and taking her time to just admire him in all his glory.

Looking at his chest though completely changed her mood. Her fingers traced the small white scarred skin spots that etched his skin. Tears. For the first time in years she felt tears form. Her chest tightened and a dark pit formed in her stomach. Looking back up at his face, his eyes were clenched shut now and his face painted with pain. He had allowed her to see him this way, trusting her to explore his body he so obviously felt hurt about. Wanting to soothe him some, she grabbed his hand with hers as they shook horribly. She lifted his hand to the back of her ear, taking his finger along the scar she had from Tom. He opened his eyes confused and now hers were clenched shut. God, her hands were shaking and her breath now feeling heavier. She moved it to the scar on her scalp which she was thankful for her thick hair being able to cover it easily. He tensed when he felt the two inch scar and she inhaled sharply as he did. She kept moving his hand when he stopped her.

"Ana, who the fuck did that to you?" He yelled, his voice reverberating throughout her bedroom, a sound wave that could lead bats to hell.

"It doesn't matter. He doesn't matter." She whispered out on the verge of having a mental breakdown. Her hands were shaking even worse now and those butterflies that caused her severe discomfort returned.

"I want his fucking name!" He yelled again, sliding out from under her and standing to pace. His fists were clenched shut and the vein that she admired on his forearm now terrified her. She remembered when Tom's would do that. The sound of her blood pulsed loudly in her ears as she seemed to become dizzy under the anxiety.

"Don't get angry please. It's a trigger." She replied keeping her eyes at his. She needed to stand up to him, to make sure that he understood what an irrational reaction could do to her. He held her stare daring her to break contact but she wouldn't. She'd been in this situation too many times with an infuriated man and she vowed to never do it again. He finally broke contact and began his pace around her room. What began as a way to explore more of him gave her more than she was ready to handle but they were here and it was time to see their strength or lack thereof.

* * *

**Snippet for Chapter 7 of The Lion and The Dove**

"Sorry, I was looking for a distraction and obviously couldn't find one." She spoke softly as she gathered them and returned them to the shelves. He sat on the bed watching her as she had a place for each specific book. They weren't categorized alphabetically but he knew there was some form of organization to it. She climbed onto her bed and crawled closer to him sitting Indian style next to his waist. Her fingers gently came up under his palms and moved them to her thighs where she let them lay. He hissed when he felt the ice first touch his hands and he watched her wince as she did.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"It's fine."

"No, about pressuring you to let me touch you. If I would have known, I would have never pushed that upon you."


	7. Chapter 7: Middle Ground

_Lemony goodness for the next three chapters for sure. Thank you all for the wonderful reviews. You guys are amazing. _

Chapter 7: Middle Ground

She watched him pace furiously across her room wearing the hardwood with permanent damage if his feet were attached to nails. After a couple of minutes she watched him walk out of her room. Feeling slightly irritated even infuriated, she slammed their empty dishes together needing to release some frustration somehow. She couldn't believe he had left although his rage was evident and she did relax some with his absence. Still, she had opened herself up to him more than she had with anyone even her parents and he leaves her proving her doubting thoughts right. Three days obviously was not long enough to know someone and decide to let your guard down. As soon as she heard their apartment door close, she knew he was leaving for the night. Picking up the dishes, she debated whether or not to smash them but how mature is that response. _Who cares? _She cared or at least Christian might if he decided to return or Kate. They would seriously doubt her maturity or etiquette if she did. Allowing the thoughts to simmer furiously she carried them into the kitchen knowing that the idea would just have to be thought and not acted upon. As she rinsed the dishes, watching the last remnants of their night fall off the plate, she began to replay the last minutes before he left. His anger was justified in a protective manner and he could relate to her pain. Those cigarette burns weren't applied out of love. At first she felt he became insensitive by not calming down for her but who was she to control how he reacted. She knew she was too controlling of the people around her although living in intended ignorant bliss helped with daily living. In all honesty, she wondered if she was just jealous that he could feel that type of anger or that he had the ability to portray any emotions he felt. She bottled it all in all the time. It still didn't change the fact that he left her sitting on the blanket in her room that she took time to prepare for their dinner. She deserved the same effort on his part that she was putting in. Grabbing her phone, she texted him wanting to give him time to calm down but also the suggestion that he better return.

_You have an hour to calm down and then you need to come back so we can speak rationally about this. If you don't return, I am done. _

Immediately after she pushed the send button, she felt the need to Google if there was any possible way to get a text message back. _He needs to know he can't run. _This was a deal breaker especially after tonight. She catered to his requests, relaxing for him, and although he opened up for her by allowing her to touch him even though he hated it -it still didn't give him permission to leave her overanalyzing and stressing the entire night over his feelings. She kept going between the fact that she was no longer beautiful to him with her scars to the fact that his challenge was complete seeing her bared enough and he was now done. Lord, she didn't know. The entire relationship or opposite sex thing was new to her. She was strangely drawn to her phone, turning it on even though no alerts had initiated her actions. Even though she hadn't taken her eyes off of her phone she wondered if he had texted and it just failed to inform her. It only took a half hour to convince her that he wasn't coming back and then forty five minutes to attempt to convince herself he had never existed. A scattered pile of books lay on her bed as she had opened each one to see if any could keep her interest even for just a couple of seconds. None had.

"Fuck. Motherfucker." He grinded his teeth and clenched his fists probably cutting off some of his blood flow. Who the fuck would ever hurt her like that? God, he remembered her shaky hands. They could have vibrated an entire fucking room. His breathing was heavy and his eyes were closed. That same fucking image of her pained face kept sitting in the forefront. Her eyes were shut tighter than his when she touched his scars.

"Welch. I want any and all information on any male that has been associated with Ana Steele and all of her medical records. Don't ask questions. Just do it." He bellowed through the phone easing some frustration of feeling out of control. He would find the fucker who hurt her and fucking bury him. Who could hurt someone who lived to only please other people? Sure, he god damn wished she wouldn't be so quick to appease everyone but who in the world could she piss off that much? That scar on her scalp, 2 inches. He knew that her medical records might show even worse abuse. He shouldn't have left her but he had yet to learn how to control his rage and he didn't feel like scaring her. Like, she would fucking want him back now. He just became the person she feared. They were done.

"Take me home." He growled at Taylor pissed at himself for leaving her on her bedroom floor like one of his subs after he was finished with them. Her face said it all as he left. Fuck it, she didn't need his shit; not his temper and most definitely not for him to take her virginity. Why had he ever allowed himself to think he could? Funny that this was how all of his relationships, if you could even call them that, end. The other person always wanting more and he would end it although this actually felt like a loss. He actually cared about what happened to her feelings but not enough to go back. She probably hated him by now or associated him with the bastard that hurt her.

"FUCK!" He needed a god damn sub. He felt like his muscles might tear from his restraint. Hearing an alert from his phone, he picked up to see Ana's name with a text message. Expecting to see her pissed about leaving, he became surprised at the message.

_You have an hour to calm down and then you need to come back so we can speak rationally about this. If you don't return, I am done._

She knew he needed his space but she also needed him to return. He was damn near certain that she was done already. Fuck, he would've been. As Taylor pulled into the parking garage of Escala, he knew he needed to rid some of his anger and frustration.

The gym in his condo wasn't all that large because he preferred a private trainer at the gym more than his home. He had changed into some shorts and faced the punching bag that hung heavily from the ceiling. No tape or gloves protected his hands. He needed to feel the pain completely let it clear his mind. Hitting the punching bag the first time rid the most frustration. The pain distracted him from his thoughts while just the impact rammed pounds of anger into the bag making it swing on its hook. His breathing constricting his chest, he hit again and again making each one count. The pain of his knuckles not yet registering, he hit harder. Grunts of anger bellowed throughout the room as he remembered her wounded face and body, the feel of her scars. After a while, he hit because of his pain and his wounds. The hate he felt for his mother and her stupid fucking pimp left him breathless on the floor. His forearms rested on his knees as he sat and finally felt free of his anger, for tonight anyway. All he could think of was getting back to Ana and making sure she knew she was still beautiful that her scars and her pain didn't change how he felt about her. He needed to hear it from her too.

Knocking on her door left him standing there all in nerves. No one had ever made him feel this way, standing like a schmuck ready to apologize. Maybe, it's what he needed to learn, how to compromise. Ana opened the door in her nightgown already as she offered him a weak smile. Her hair draped her shoulders in waves from the indents of her ponytail. She looked at his hands and winced.

"Punching bag." He reassured her that he hadn't just beat up some douchebag on the street.

"Oh. Well, go in on my bed and I'll get some ice. We can talk there." She replied kindly almost in defeat as he walked straight to her room. The smell of her room already making him relax and it surprised him that her room had become a safe haven for him too. He understood her security with it now. Books covered her bed, there had to be about thirty of them. Some English literature, some books on religions, higher power thinking, and business. She always managed to surprise him. He had showered and changed into sweats to be more comfortable and hopefully to encourage spending the night again. She came up behind him and sighed at the books.

"Sorry, I was looking for a distraction and obviously couldn't find one." She spoke softly as she gathered them and returned them to the shelves. He sat on the bed watching her as she had a place for each specific book. They weren't categorized alphabetically but he knew there was some form of organization to it. She climbed onto her bed and crawled closer to him sitting Indian style next to his waist. Her fingers gently came up under his palms and moved them to her thighs where she let them lay. He hissed when he felt the ice first touch his hand and he watched her wince as she did.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"It's fine."

"No, about pressuring you to let me touch you. If I would have known, I would have never pushed that upon you."

"Ana, I allowed you because I trust you. I'm sorry for walking out on you, it's just I didn't want to scare you with how angry I felt."

"I understand. I'm grateful you didn't stay in that moment because of your anger but I do have to say something." She looked up from his hand and took a deep breath. He prepared himself to listen to a good-bye already. "As long as you tell me that you are returning, I'll never be upset with you. Nothing can be accomplished during a conversation when either of us is that upset. I understand this now. It's just if you want possession of my body and my virginity then I need to know that you'll respect it and understand that there will be feelings involved on my part. I need to know you are ready for those which is why I have yet to sleep with you. I'm not doing it to get it out of the way not after waiting this long."

He loved hearing her speak so passionately and seeing tears form in her eyes softened him more.

"I know you'll have feelings. I completely understand that." He winced again as she applied ice to his other hand. "I don't understand mine. I have never felt this way about anyone before." She looked up surprised and her brow furrowed in the cute way he enjoyed.

"Wait. You have never been in a relationship before?" She asked disbelievingly and he wondered if now would be the time to tell her about his submissives but he kept his mouth shut. They only needed one huge traumatizing situation for the night.

"No." He couldn't look at her as he replied just at his hands that sat on her thighs and her delicate fingers holding the ice to them. "Ana, why would you want me? I was an ass when I first met you." He felt her straddle him and he gazed up to see her stormy blue eyes looking at him with full confidence. Her hands lifted his chin to look at her that conflicted with the soft touch of her fingers.

"I like you because you saw me that first night. Most people don't care to know what's underneath the woman I show them but you not only saw that there was more but you have fought to know more. I want you because you are intelligent, strong, and inspiring. I'm seeing more of myself because you remind me that there is more." Her eyes stayed fixated on his as he couldn't think of more fitting words to say to her. She put her forehead against his and he closed his eyes appreciating the feel of her nose pressed against his. For something so innocent it felt so intimate.

"You're still beautiful to me." He whispered and he felt a weight of tension release from her as her shoulders dropped and she exhaled deeply.

"You're still beautiful and strong to me." She whispered back giving him exactly what he needed to hear in that moment. His tension released as he kept his eyes closed and in that moment she felt like home. It wasn't a logical thought but it was the feelings he feels when he sees his family, his family home, and the boathouse he used to play in as a child. She was that entirety wrapped in one and more. She pulled away meeting his gaze first before dropping them to his chest.

"He was my mother's second husband. You are the only person who knows." He could see her try to hold back the tears as her lips tensed and she began the sniffling that came before it. She stared at her hands and spun one of the rings around her finger nervously.

"Your parents don't even know?" He asked shocked and she shook her head, managing a no that emerged as a whisper more than anything. This was the first time she had ever told anyone and what a weight that must be to carry all alone. This gave her statement of feeling tired a whole new meaning. Fuck, if the guy wasn't dead yet, he would be after he was fucking done with him. Her breathing had become rapid as her eyes were clenched so tightly probably trying to keep her tears at bay. He ran his hand up the nape of her neck and into her hair where he guided her down to his chest and she began to sob. Her arms began to try and push away from him but he kept his hold making sure she knew he was there for the good, bad, and the ugly. Giving in, she melted more into his embrace. He could still feel her restraint as she sobbed but he knew that she wouldn't rid all of her weight tonight. Shaking, her chest seemed to rock them both and all he could think about was her strength. Her small hands fisted his shirt until her knuckles were white as she cried. He took his hand from her hair afraid he might brush the scar and upset her more. Moving his fingers to her back, he grazed softly up and down until her breathing slowed and her cries became whimpers. She rose up and sat next to him again reapplying the ice to his fingers.

"I'm sorry." She sniffled and he cupped her chin.

"You needed that." Her only response was a weak smile before she returned her gaze to his hand. "Ana, where is your stepfather now?"

"He's in Prison. He was caught embezzling money from the company he worked for. It's why my mother left him." Her voice was quiet but stern as she ran her finger over the top of his wrist.

"And she never knew?" She shook her head.

"No. He was very good about keeping it a secret as was I. He also threatened that if it wasn't me it would be her."

"You felt like you were protecting her then by not saying anything?" Slowly but surely, it was beginning to make some sense.

"Yes and it gave it a purpose." _What fucking purpose is there for abuse?_

"What do you mean a purpose?"

"Like, when you ask Why God? I always relied upon the reason being I was protecting her. It made it somewhat bearable."

"Oh. How old were you?"

"12." He could tell by how short her voice was and her answers that she was done talking about it. It didn't matter now. He would be able to gather the details from what Welch would find and he knew they would talk about it again.

"Ready to sleep?" He asked seeing her shoulders drop with relief.

"Only if you're staying." He smiled at her as she climbed under the blankets and she turned off her lamp. Damn it, his fingers hurt but he wrapped them around her waist anyway. He nuzzled into her neck loving the mix of scents between the coconut of her hair and the blooming flowery fragrance of her skin. Drifting off to sleep became easy as she was safe, in his arms, and his.

"Ana, honey. I love your eye shadow. You look fierce." She smiled at him; her plump cheeks looking even bigger today after crying last night. It had taken her longer than usual to apply her makeup and hide the puffiness of her eyes.

"Thanks Jared." She replied watching him trim the ends of her hair. God, she was exhausted and she still had to sit through a dinner with Elena. It wasn't her fault though that she felt irritated so she would offer her the best Ana she could with the resources of energy and sleep she had. Christian had to wake her up this morning as she pushed the snooze button on her phone twice. He had turned the shower on and made her coffee before leaving and heading back to his apartment.

"What are you smiling about Ana? Or should I say who?" She heard Jared ask as she saw his curious stare through the mirror.

"Christian Grey, I presume." A woman's voice; one that she recognized vaguely from yesterday came from behind her. She was beautiful. Short platinum blonde hair with piercing blue eyes, ones that actually look like they could pierce someone and she would enjoy the draw of blood. An alpha female if Ana had ever seen one.

"How did you know?" She questioned confused.

"There are pictures of you both online of him kissing you my dear and I'm friends with Grace. She's very excited." _Ohhhhhh. _Well, so much for an interested board member. She was here on behalf of Grace to gather information.

"Oh. I hadn't realized." Elena sat next to her in the empty chair and swiveled it to face her. They had to maintain eye contact through the mirror because Ana couldn't move her head.

"Well, I'm sure you're used to it. I made reservations at Café Champagne for tonight. Will Christian be joining us?" _No, you are alone to interrogate me. _

"He has a business dinner tonight. I'm very excited for Café Champagne. I've heard their food is delicious."

They continued their conversation where Elena talked about visiting France and it then quickly moved to her business. Ana felt relieved that it didn't seem to touch her personal life yet but she figured dinner is where Elena would wait to indulge. She was an interesting character to watch speak. Her voice sounded warm but her posture said otherwise and she kept leading each question and sentence within their conversation. It could be narcissism or just trying to establish dominance early on before their dinner. She seemed like that kind of woman, one that had to prove her strength. It made sense with her short pixie cut hair that highlighted her eyes. Those eyes hinted force of a thousand raging bulls. Jared unhooked the cape from her neck and she followed him to the desk to pay. Elena had disappeared into the back before reappearing and she had changed from her all black ensemble to a grey cap sleeved dress that fit her body like a glove.

"Ready for dinner?"

* * *

**Snippet for Chapter 8 of The Lion and The Dove**

"Sir, Ana's security have identified Elena Lincoln as Ana's guest at dinner." Taylor whispered before stepping back to his position. He became paralyzed for a moment in fear over what Elena could possibly be doing at dinner with her.

"I'm sorry Gentlemen but it seems a personal matter requiring my immediate attention has surfaced. Ros will finish the meeting and the meal is of course on me. Order the whole menu if you're bored." He wore his charming grin; the one that could get him damn near anything he wanted. Their eyes widened at his offer and they shook his hand excitedly. His expression turned deadly as soon as he turned around and even Taylor dropped his eyes to the ground before following him out. The path was clear and he must've been exuding terror because one look at him and people moved. Taylor opened the door to the Bentley ad he climbed in where he quickly dialed Ana. Three times it went to fucking voice-mail before he realized that she would have it on silent and put away. It's the fucking polite thing to do at a dinner. Thank God, Elena lacked that kind of etiquette.


	8. Chapter 8: Dinner

_I'm giving two chapters. I would have preferred three because I think it would help provide clarity into both Christian and Ana's development. Enjoy these. My hope is that the characters are relatable especially in the next chapter. As always let me know what you think. You can find me on facebook. Search Deenz Fanfiction if you would like to discuss storylines or character dynamics. I'm always open to suggestions or criticism. _

Chapter 8: The Lion's Den

"So, are you and Christian dating?" Elena asked as she sipped her wine, it was odd that it didn't emerge as a true question as the scoff after it seemed to be counterproductive.

"Yes, I'm his girlfriend." Ana replied to notice the lingering appalled expression that she was now sporting. Is that really all it took to cause a crack in her solid, very blonde, foundation? "You seem surprised?" She spoke sweetly feeling somewhat amused.

"I have just never heard of him having a girlfriend." Sipping more of her wine, she looked at Ana confused almost like she was trying to decipher what it was about Ana that made her different. Ana would have liked the answer to that question also. The line that made Ana think she generally wore an irritated expression stood out against her tan skin between her eyebrows.

"Please don't take this offensively but we are not here to discuss the charity are we?" Sitting back in her chair, Elena offered a smile that answered for her. Ana nodded before taking swift sip of her wine. "I assume you are here on behalf of Grace. I should begin our dinner in telling you that I'm a private person and I won't answer any questions for Christian." Elena's grin grew wider but she seemed somewhat taken aback by Ana's forwardness. It didn't surprise Ana as she knew from the moment they met that Elena needed to be the one dominating the conversation. Her step father was the same way. Somehow and almost always the conversation would lead back to them so you sat there and catered to them because truly there was just no way around it.

"We are curious of the woman who seems to have beguiled our Christian." _Our? Very close friends with Grace then. _

"He is quite beguiling himself." She responded hoping to keep the conversation on him and not her.

"Well, tell me about you." _Fail. _She ran through several rehearsed responses to find one she felt was telling enough to ease curious minds. It was everything anyone could read about her online. Her and Kate were followed because of their fashion and also had given a couple interviews to bloggers who found their friendship interesting for some reason. Kate was Seattle's party girl while Ana was Seattle's sweetheart.

"Well, I am 23. I graduated from Washington State University with a degree in English Literature. I work as Commissioning Editor at SIP publishing but what I would really love to do is open vintage small bookstores throughout Seattle." It was factual and had a small personal admission that she didn't mind sharing.

"You sound absolutely sweet and perfect." Elena spoke kindly but it was clearly laced with a condescending tone. Ana chuckled in response, not really sure why the mood had changed so quickly.

Christian sat with the Owners of several chain Gyms throughout the U.S who were looking to sell. He hated this shit, as it was all for appearances. The numbers and anything else he needed could be fucking emailed but no. He is always forced to do dinners and all he could think about was Ana. She would thrive at a dinner like this; distract and charm them with her smile and knowledge of damn near everything. Fuck, she fit so well with him and his world. His mother loves her and had made it her damn day job to call him twenty times today to schedule a dinner. He wondered how well her dinner was going. Probably, the same as his as he imagined her speaking passionately about Gang Violence to the woman who most likely didn't care and was doing it to climb the social ladder. He had to smirk at the thought before being tapped on the shoulder by Taylor. Inching his head back, Taylor leaned down.

"Sir, Ana's security has identified Elena Lincoln as Ana's guest at dinner." Taylor whispered before stepping back to his position. He became paralyzed for a moment in fear over what Elena could possibly be doing at dinner with her.

"I'm sorry Gentlemen but it seems a personal matter requiring my immediate attention has surfaced. Ros will finish the meeting and the meal is of course on me. Order the whole menu if you're bored." He wore his charming grin; the one that could get him damn near anything he wanted. Their eyes widened at his offer and they shook his hand excitedly. His expression turned deadly as soon as he turned around and even Taylor dropped his eyes to the ground before following him out. The path was clear and he must've been exuding terror because one look at him and people moved. Taylor opened the door to the Bentley and he climbed in where he quickly dialed Ana. Three times it went to fucking voice-mail before he realized that she would have it on silent and put away. It's the fucking polite thing to do at a dinner. Thank God, Elena lacked that kind of etiquette.

_What the fuck are you doing Elena?_

He texted her as his leg tapped nervously against the floor. All Elena had to do was fucking inform him that she wanted to meet Ana and he would've set it up; of course, he also would've been present. Elena was the closest thing he had to a friend and even though he suspected she wanted their arrangement back sometimes, he still enjoyed her company. He could talk openly about anything with her but it also didn't change the fact she turned fucking evil when she felt threatened.

_Relax, we're just getting to know each other. I suppose you're almost here?_

Fuck, she knew him too well. Pulling up outside of a small French restaurant, he entered immediately noticing Ana. She was smiling at Elena but he could tell it was the one she reserved for everyone besides him and the other people she cared about. Her posture sat straight with her hands gracefully covering her napkin in her lap. God Damn it, she's beautiful her hair formed large blown out curls on her shoulders and he could see her sweet dimples from where he stood. Changing his expression from deadly to enjoyment, he walked over in dominant fashion not taking his eyes off of Ana. It took a couple seconds before her eyes met his. Her brow furrowed in confusion before smiling back. He reached the table seeing Elena wearing a knowing and expectant look.

"Hi, what are you doing here?" Ana's soft and breathy voice asked him and he had yet to think of a reason.

"Oh, Grace outed me didn't she?" Elena drawled at him, narrowing her eyes in seductive fashion. He let out a small laugh to go along with it.

"Actually, I do need to speak to you privately for a minute. It's an issue with the salons." He told Elena as they both looked at Ana to gather her opinion.

"Oh, it's fine." He hated lying to her but she wasn't ready to be involved in this part of his life yet. "Will you be joining us? She asked and he could see a hint of desperation that suggested she hoped he would.

"Yes, Can you order another bottle of wine?" There was her authentic smile. He leaned down and kissed her temple inhaling the new scent that draped her hair. "You look beautiful baby." He told her as her eyes met his and he swore that her eyes color brightened from the stormy blue to a sky blue for a quick second.

Elena turned as soon as he turned away from Ana and he noted her clenched fists. Yes, she was threatened. They both sat at the bar where she spoke first.

"Very much your type and I would pay big money to see her loosened up in that playroom of yours." The sheer tone of sarcasm pissed him off even more.

"Shut the fuck up Elena." He ordered and she snapped her mouth shut.

"Relax, I just wanted to meet your new submissive." He cringed at the idea of Ana being his submissive. It never felt right and now it felt just sickening. If he had a true Dom and Sub relationship with his pasts subs, it might make sense but they were his way to relieve frustration and anger. Deep down and with many years of therapy he also knew it was a form of punishing his mother.

"She's my girlfriend not my submissive." He shot back and he could sense the hurt that Elena felt from him telling her that.

"Yes, I know. She told me." His chest constricted with excitement that Ana claimed him. "Makes sense. She seems too weak to handle full submission." He rolled his eyes at her. She always had to get the last word in and God forbid she was kind for no reason. That is what he loved about Ana.

"Don't talk about her like that. I really fucking like her Elena and I would like you both to get along. She doesn't know anything about my playroom or the submissives yet so if you could just allow me to tell her when I'm ready." She inhaled sharply before staring at him, feeling irritated.

"She must be a fucking Goddess in the sheets." Her tongue sharp and rough let that one roll right out as if she practiced handing out insults. He turned away and she fucking picked up the scent like a bloodhound. She began to laugh a maniacal one that made him cringe.

"You have slept with her right?" He didn't turn to her but kept his gaze focused on the bottles of liquor that lined the shelves in front of him. "Fuck, Christian. I do not see this ending well at all." Her voice had softened some. They had a dysfunctional and poisonous attachment to each other. They connected though because of it, able to really bare all of their horrible ways when they were together. He had been 15 when she got ahold of him teaching him alternative ways to express his anger and frustration. Somehow even though it had been years since they had been intimate, he needed her and not for his subs but just the presence of someone worse than him. It made him feel better.

"We better get back. Fucking play nice." He snapped at her as they both returned to the table. Ana's sweet face smiled at them both as they sat.

"I ordered another bottle of wine. You can eat some of my dinner. I most likely won't eat all of it." He grinned at her but felt guilty for lying to her, putting her in a dinner that had a far more manipulative hand than she realized.

"Thank you." He replied before taking a large gulp of his wine.

"Ana, how do you feel about submissive women?" Elena's voice matched with her devilish smile had his glare deep with anger. Ana just let her forehead wrinkle in confusion before regaining a stoic expression.

"I believe that we all have submissive and dominant tendencies that emerge in different situations in various ways. A smart person will judge a situation and offer accordingly." He knew that last line hadn't meant to escape her filter. It had seeped from her mind by mistake but she covered it well. Control. She had enough control to do just that. He also couldn't help but relish in the shocked and disappointed expression that Elena wore.

"What do you mean offer accordingly?" Elena questioned with a smile but he could tell even Ana knew that she was looking for a rise out of her. He wondered what she thought of her reasons for acting this way.

"Well, when you are presented with someone you can generally tell from the beginning if they are looking for a true exchange of information, an ear to vent to, or if it's personal. Depending on the reason and how invested you feel then your behavior should follow accordingly." It wasn't forwardly threatening but he knew Ana's intent was to establish her position against Elena. He didn't think he could feel any prouder than her in that moment. She had just informed Elena that she was in control of their entire conversation and not her showcasing her hidden and quiet strength.

Elena had reluctantly settled for the rest of dinner and he had never felt more relieved once he and Ana were in the car.

"Well, that was interesting." She commented before smiling at him.

"Yes. She's one of a kind." He replied unable to shake the guilt he was feeling.

"Hopefully she only says kind things about me to your mother. She was testing me too. I'm not sure why though." He looked at her confused before she turned and saw his expression.

"That was the reason for dinner, to gather information for your mother." She acted as if the intent was clear as day.

"Ohh. Yes. Obviously." She curled into him making him feel worse. Her default setting for stressful situations was control and his was sex. As soon as they got back to her apartment and inside her room, he pinned her against the door. She seemed shocked but turned on and he kissed her hoping to ease some of his guilt. Even though it was misplaced, she trusted him to undress her. His practiced hands unzipping her dress and she climbed out of it confidently as he pulled her mouth back to his. He was desperate for her, desperate to pleasure her, and desperate to make her come. It was all he could give to her right now. Her soft moans made him uncomfortably hard in his pants but he deserved it. He unhooked her bra and took her nipple into his mouth; he sucked furiously until she began to whimper. Taking the other nipple into his mouth and doing the same thing, he couldn't get enough of her fucking sounds. He picked her up and laid her on the bed all while he tongued her mouth with savagery. Once he pulled away, she looked at him with a hint of confusion.

"Everything okay?" She asked searching his eyes to see what was plaguing him. He couldn't let her stare for too long, she was intuitive enough to recognize when he was distant so he closed it with his kiss. He didn't give her time to ask again before he let his fingers trail down her stomach and under her panties. She stilled for a good thirty seconds before she relaxed again. He slid his fingers down between the folds that enclosed her sweetest spots and he noticed how wet she was already. A moan escaped her as he ran his palm against her clit, her hips moving slightly in response. Fuck, he was hard. He trailed sensual kisses down her neck and stomach before taking her clit into his mouth. She was too far gone to stop him now but the fact that she trusted him to respect her wishes made the guilt worse which made his need to give her an orgasm more desperate. Moving her hips closer to the edge of the bed, he licked faster, pulling the folds away, allowing himself more access. She began to push him away when he placed his hand on her stomach to still her.

"Ana, don't move. Everything will be fine." She looked at him with those blue eyes, breathless, and she nodded before putting her head back down.

He took her in his mouth again, enjoying the feel of her stomach contracting and her breathing hitching.

"Ohh my god." He heard her whimper as he sucked on her clit now. Applying more pressure to her stomach to keep her still because she kept trying to crawl up the bed, he brought his fingers to her opening. Dipping one in, she arched her back. She was so fucking tight. Easing one finger in he stopped with his tongue to lessen the intensity. Coating his finger with her excitement, he pulled it back out and ran his fingers up and down her sex. She quivered in response and he smirked finally gaining some reward from it. He came back up and took her mouth with his, needing to feel her hands on him. She ran her fingers through his hair as she pulled him closer and then gently grazed her fingers over his shoulders and arms. Taking two of his fingers, he slid them deep inside, keeping his thrusts gentle yet offering a grueling rhythm. Finding her soft spot he massaged it at the end of each thrust causing her to stir beneath him.

"Ana, look at me. Ride it out." He only needed to successfully push her over it once so she knew the pleasure that came from it. She kept her stare at his. He needed to see her come and hear her. It was the most beautiful sight, the overwhelmed expression on her face but she listened and trusted him. Brown strands of hair in her face, sweat emerging on her forehead and the fact that he was her first. No one else had ever known her like this and he would forever remember each time he took her somewhere new. She had begun to hold her breath now as her desire grew and he could tell by the way she contracted around his fingers that she was close. Very close. Once her chest began to shake, he leaned in and kissed her. Her fear was evident so he gave her permission to let go.

"Ana, come. Come now." He whispered into her ear where she cried out and turned her head away from him. He prolonged her orgasm, keeping the strokes of his fingers long and slow. She nuzzled her head into his neck where her sweet groans met his skin with warm breath. Her whole body started to shake beneath him and he wrapped his arm around her waist while he opened up her bed. He hooked the tips of his shoe over the heel of the other and took each one off before holding her in an embrace.

"Are you okay?" He asked her as she finally pulled her head away from him and looked up at him.

"I'm perfect. Thank you." It's exactly what he needed to hear to ease his guilt, and when her hand reached the zipper of his pants, it was exactly what he needed to ease his stress.


	9. Chapter 9: A Common Mistake

Chapter 9: A Common Mistake

_One Month Later…_

One month. She couldn't believe it. One month of knowing Christian, kissing him, touching him, and not having sex with him. It's not as if they weren't doing _anything. _She closed her eyes briefly remembering the feel of his fingers inside her as they showered together that morning. Opening them quickly and reminding herself that she was in a restaurant, she took a sip of her water. Pressure to have sex hadn't been too horrible due to her period and his week-long business trip to New York. He had only been back for two days which they spent as much of it in her bed. Every time they were close to having sex he would stop and wait for her to initiate. She wanted to but something kept holding her back; something she had yet to recognize. She would always pleasure him, listening to his commands, and relishing his sounds of pleasure. Looking up, she saw him approach; his energy exciting her already. He wore his beautiful gray tailored suit that fit in all the right places. His expression looked weary but it picked up some as he got closer.

"Hey baby." He said exasperatingly, failing to kiss her as he usually did when he greeted her.

"Hi. Everything okay?" She asked biting the inner part of her lip nervously.

"Just a long day at work." His tone lacking emotion and he stared at his menu. For some reason she felt the overwhelming need to hear him tell her his foul mood wasn't because they hadn't had sex yet. She would eventually. These insecurities had been racing through her mind, tiring her since he left for New York.

"Okay. Do you want to do dinner tonight at my apartment? I'll cook." Her voice sounded a little too desperate for her taste but at this point she needed to hear anything of emotional value escape his lips.

"I can't. I have a lot of work to do at home tonight. Sorry." He put his menu down and ordered a whiskey on the rocks. They had never been this disconnected and she had never felt so insecure.

"Christian. Ana. What a surprise!" Ana turned to see Elena and a young brown-haired, blue-eyed, woman.

"Elena. It's so nice to see you again." Ana stood and kissed her cheek before redirecting her attention to the young woman beside her. They had to be around the same age. "Hi, I'm Ana." The young woman didn't respond at first; she just kept her eyes on the floor.

"You can introduce yourself." Elena spoke sternly and the young woman lifted her gaze.

"Leila. It's nice to meet you." Ana shook her hand before sitting back down at their table. Christian stared at the young woman in admiration as she returned her gaze to the floor. The action actually made him smile. He could show emotion for a stranger but not her. She suddenly felt enraged because she wanted to cry and then she wanted to punish him for reducing her to it.

"I'll walk you both out." He shot her a quick smile that only infuriated her more. Seriously, she felt the tears forming and she texted Kate to meet at their apartment. She knew she was running but he deserved to eat alone and she needed to leave before she broke down in the middle of the restaurant. Leaving money to make it seem more formal, she snuck out of a different exit where she hailed a cab.

_Work Emergency_

She texted him unable to type anything else because she was afraid of the potential outburst.

_What the hell Ana? You could have at least said good-bye. _

She scoffed at his reply. As if he would've noticed her. She couldn't text him back, she just prayed her tears would hold until their apartment. _So much for a nice lunch. _

Walking into their apartment, she sat her purse on the counter.

"Okay, what is the emergen…Jesus Ana. Are you okay?" Kate quickly changed her tone and expression when she saw her. Some tears had managed to escape, falling down her cheeks like raindrops on a windowpane.

"I'm losing him." She managed to get out shakily as she struggled to maintain composed. Kate cocked her head offering her an empathetic look where her bottom lip rose as her brow furrowed.

"Oh, Ana. Let's sit down." She ushered them over to the couch. As soon as her thighs met the cushions, the dam broke. She couldn't look at Kate. She felt too embarrassed.

"Ana, this isn't you babe." She spoke warmly as her manicured fingers brushed the spots above her cheeks, catching her tears.

"I know. It's disappointing."

"No, not at all disappointing. I'm just worried about you. This is the first time I have ever seen you cry." For some reason that statement made her sob harder.

"I'm having sex with Christian tonight. I'm afraid I'll lose him if I don't." She stammered out feeling even worse as she finally confessed how insecure she was feeling.

"Ana, no. I know girls who have done it for that reason, hell even I did it for that reason. It's not worth it. I promise you. What happened?" Her talking was erratic making Ana realize she felt just as panicked about it as she did.

"He was detached at lunch and then this girl who looked similar to me came up. You should've seen the way he looked at her." She started crying harder again. God, what happened to her? "He could have any girl he wants. He could have her and I'm sure she would sleep with him." She felt Kate's arms embrace her and pull her close.

"I think you need to let yourself recover first and then decide. Now, when you're so emotional wouldn't be the best time to make such a huge decision. This is your first love Ana. I remember feeling this way and the feelings are intoxicating. It's best to make big decisions when you're not high off it. " Logically what Kate was saying made sense but she hadn't come for advice. She really just needed to vent.

"I have a feeling you're going to do it anyway. We all do. I just had to offer my opinion first." Out of nowhere, Ana began to laugh as she pulled away. "Now, it's going to hurt. I don't know how big he is but foreplay helps. I know you've done that. I've heard you." She smirked at her and Ana buried her head in her hands feeling mortified. "You're going to bleed. Sometimes on the sheets or afterwards so prepare yourself. It's rare to have an orgasm the first time although I swear it's because we're generally doing it for the same reason you are. Another reason you should probably not see him tonight." Ana dropped her stare to her hands. It's hard to pinpoint the exact moment she became weakened by him. Maybe the first time she had cried in years? Or that first time he spent the night? Maybe that time in his library? Although, she knew it was gradual. Not one moment defined her right now. She knew the problem belonged to her, meddled within all of her sexual insecurities. Ana couldn't speak anymore. Anything she had to say would sound just as ridiculous to someone else as it did to her. See, she knew her idea was irrational and an emotional reaction to him at the restaurant but within all of her logic stood a small but very strong voice that kept narrating a scene of Christian and Leila together. The thought of his hands on her; the way he would pleasure her made her feel physically ill. It physically hurt to think of him with someone else. She gathered her legs against her chest and rested her chin on her knees.

"Does intent really matter if the result is the same?" She whispered out and Kate looked at her with a sense of understanding.

"Yes Ana. Trust me, intent matters." Kate replied before staring out of their floor to ceiling windows with an expression of reliving a painful memory.

Christian sat in his office feeling beyond fucking frustrated with business and Ana. Elena's fucking manipulative bitch self didn't help at the restaurant. It had taken all of his restraint not to bitch her out until they reached the sidewalk and as much as she wanted to stand there and claim they had just come for a nice lunch, he still didn't give a shit; dangling a fresh submissive in front of him like he was a damn addict. The guilt of hiding it all from her was getting to him too and he could tell she could sense it. It wasn't bad enough that he had most of the U.S wealthiest throwing a bitch fit over the new tax-hikes on the 1 percent. What he didn't understand was why they didn't just throw more money at the congressmen on their payroll. No, like the elitist shits they were, they had to start planning the pick for the next election begging for his participation. He had managed to always stay out of the politics but it got increasingly harder as he became more successful.

"Sir, Ana is on her way up." Taking a deep breath, he knew he would have to apologize for his awful mood at the restaurant earlier. He was fairly certain that it was the reason she left. He could hear her heels against his floors as she came into view in the doorway. Still wearing her dark tan high waisted pants and a chambray shirt, she embodied the perfect mixture of youth and professionalism. It also helped that the pants showcased her perfect waist and ass. Her expression said otherwise. It looked as though, a battle was raging within her as she stared at him.

"Are you okay?" He asked snapping her out of her thoughts. She didn't answer but simply marched over to him and placed her purse on the desk. Sitting up straighter in his chair, he received the shock of a lifetime. Her lips met his with force as her fingers ran through his hair, pulling him closer. She had straddled him in his chair making him erect and ready for her hands and mouth. He tangled his hand into her hair and the other at her ass squeezing it and smacking it. A gust of warm air hit the wet ring around his mouth as she groaned. Something was different and he had expected her to be pissed not ready to take him on his desk. She leaned forward and nipped at his ear lope.

"Ana." He growled because she knew what it did to him.

"I'm ready." She whispered back and it was all he needed to hear. Picking her up, she wrapped her legs around him as he carried her to his bedroom. God damn, she was desperate for him, her kisses were frantic but he figured they would be during her first time. The fear and excitement did the same thing to him. Their tongues danced wildly together as he laid her on his bed. He had never expected to take her on his bed for the first time but always imagined it on her bed where she felt safe. She pulled her shirt off and he couldn't help but smirk at her.

"Ana, there's no need to rush." She didn't listen and simply pulled his head to hers shocking the shit out of him. Maybe he should be irritated with her more often? He undid her belt and unzipped her pants pulling them off with ease. She angled her neck away and he kissed her soft skin; traveling to her breasts slowly hoping to ease things down a little. He let his tongue lick both of her nipples the way he had found she liked it causing her to make sweet sounds with her supple mouth. Farther down, he left a trail of wet kisses on her skin, the light making it glisten, and he ripped her panties away. Taking her clit in his mouth she threaded her fingers into his hair, pulling as he tongued faster. He was going to bring her close and then make her come with him inside her. They both needed it. She arched as he slid his fingers into her not as wet as he thought she would be but again it was her first time. He thrust his fingers into her nice and deep massaging her g-spot as he did. It made the pull on his hair tighter and he almost came from the excitement and pulled his mouth away and came up to kiss her as she undid the buttons of his shirt and he slid his jacket off. As she neared the last button, he had already had his pants off and his cock ready. He had never taken a woman's virginity before and he guessed how detached she seemed was normal. He slid his hand under her and picked her up tangling them up in his sheets as he kissed her. God, she smelled so fucking good when the scent of all that hair hit him. Trying not to lose the moment, he gracefully pulled out a condom and lubricant from his end table. He had placed condoms in there weeks ago just in case and well the lubricant was for his visions of this. She kissed him as he put on the condom letting her pull him down on her chest. Her hands held his head to hers with strength not allowing him to pull away and her legs began to shake as he ran his erection between her folds. She quivered as he slid against her clit and he inserted the tip in slowly until he couldn't go any farther and he pulled back out. Her legs began to shake even faster as she hissed in pain as he entered her again.

"Stop." She spoke quietly and he pulled away to see tears were falling down the sides of her face.

"Ana, I'm going to be as gentle as you need baby." He cupped her chin and she began to sob harder.

"No, I'm doing this for all the wrong reasons." She cried to him and he completely backed away from her.

"What? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"I'm so sorry." She shook her head as she pulled the sheet up to cover herself leaving him completely naked besides the condom.

"What the fuck do you mean by all the wrong reasons?" He could feel the build of his anger forming inside him getting close to making him fucking unreachable.

"I just felt so insecure and the way you looked at that girl today. I thought this would be the only way to keep you happy with me." Blubbering, she was fucking blubbering.

"What the fuck made you think I wasn't happy with you?" He yelled as he climbed off and began to put his clothes back on. Now his hands were shaking but it wasn't out of fear and she cowered more into his bed.

"I don't know." She shook her head as she held the sheet in a death grip. Fucking great, he was scaring her.

"Fuck this." He picked up his shirt and jacket before storming out. Either he would scare her or yell at her more if he stayed and he didn't care to do either. Dialing Elena's number as he arrived in the elevator was like second nature; a thought he put no effort into.

Ana sat shaking horribly in Christian's bed feeling completely broken. At least she still had her virginity. Looking like a sorry mess, she climbed out of the bed and put her clothes back on. Not a shred of dignity besides the ounce that remained from stopping him clothed her and she didn't care to manage her tears. She would have their driver John take her home and she could relax there. What a terrible and foolish person she was but what an even moronic idea it was to think that he would forgive her for what she did. Standing in the elevator she put her sunglasses on only allowing the constant swiping motion under her eyes to be the indicator that she might be upset.

"Back to the apartment, please John." She managed to get out and he looked at her worryingly before opening her door.

"Yes Ma'am." As she slid into the Town Car, she let her head fall back and she wished there was a way to stop the stupid tears from falling. She had never felt so hurt before even with Tom. He had never made her feel so broken but Christian was able to manage what he couldn't do in a year down to a month. _You are better than this. Breathe Ana. Just breathe. _Even her inner voice was strained but she took deep breaths, in and out, in and out. Her chest shook as she tried to keep herself from crying. As they pulled up outside of her building, she had semi-recovered.

"Ana, everything okay?" She heard Kate's voice call from the couch. Ana kept her hands gripped to the countertop hoping that turning around wouldn't make her break down. She just stared at the countertop, the mirrored pieces etched into their gray quartz. Kate's hand rubbed her back gently as she stood next to her.

"I couldn't do it. He was there and then I just couldn't do it feeling like I was going to cry the entire time." Her voice was strained on the verge of breaking and Kate just pulled her closer.

"Ana, it's okay. If it makes you feel better, I think you made the right decision." It didn't. She didn't know when she would feel okay about what just happened.

"Can we just not talk about it right now?" She looked at Kate who just nodded in agreement and she led her to the couch. "I'm going to change first." She wanted to lounge in comfy clothes and forget about the day. Changing into her oversized t-shirt and joining Kate on the couch under a blanket, she finally felt somewhat comfortable.

"I bought lots of chocolate and we can order some sushi if you want." Ana smiled weakly at Kate. She took it upon herself to call for food and Ana stared at the screen while _The Devil Wears Prada_ played. It was all just white noise with changing lights as she fell more into her own thoughts. What an embarrassing display she put herself through today and for what? There was something else that was holding her back, maybe it was because she felt more open to him than he was to her? She still didn't know who hurt him or really anything about him besides what he liked in food, music, and art. Feeling the tears well again, she distracted herself with a random thought.

"Kate." She spoke softly to see her turn to her. They had worked through almost an entire bag of chocolate covered raisins. "You have never told me about your first time. I mean you have described in very vulgar detail your other encounters but never that one." She smiled before settling in more to the couch.

"Funny you ask?" Kate replied with a devious smile.

"Oh Lord." Ana replied smiling genuinely for the first time today.

"I lost my virginity to Elliot Grey." Ana nearly spit her wine out when she heard that.

"What?"

"Yeah, I know. Crazy huh. I grew up with the Grey's, I mean in the same circle and Elliot was _the _guy. Christian easily could have been but he was too busy brooding in the corner or up his mothers or Mrs. Lincoln's ass. We all used to joke and call her Mrs. Robinson." Ana's eyes widened before Kate realized what she had said.

"We were always kidding." Kate quipped but Ana seriously began to think about it. _No, actually that makes perfect sense. _Ana shook her head with the realization no longer feeling sad but only angry. The dinner that she thought was on Grace's behalf was her meeting the new girlfriend and Christian knew. Trying not to ruin Kate's moment she let the idea simmer as she waved Kate to continue.

"Anyway, I had always had a huge crush on him more like I thought I would marry him only because it made sense. Ya know but he never really noticed me. I really didn't grow into myself until senior year of high school and he was in college so we didn't see each other too much. Well, he came back for the Coping Together Gala that year and man did he give me attention. I thought it was the best thing in the world and he snuck me into the boathouse. I hadn't truly thought about sex all that much, surprising I know, but I truly hadn't before that. That night though, I thought this is my chance to get him. He was gentle enough but it wasn't at all what I had envisioned. He had been drinking a lot so anyway. I wish I would have waited not really for someone else but just waited until I knew what I was doing I guess. I don't know. Now, we acknowledge each other at parties but he acts like it never happened. It's not like they describe in books and movies Ana but it could be, for you." Ana immediately became saddened by her experience and it just reinforced her decision that she made earlier. She had seen Kate cry before over men but her expression was so much more sorrowful than all those other times.

"Those Grey men." She shook her head collecting her smile again before staring out of the window. This is where they were too similar. They both hated when the pain became visible. Ana decided not to push it further and she just reached over and held her hand.

"Jesus, Christian. The bottle isn't going anywhere." Elena snapped at him as they sat at the bar. He ordered the best bottle of whiskey they fucking had and he was halfway through the damn thing. "What happened? I warned you that she would hurt you. How many times do I have to remind you that love is for idiots?" Her voice stung his ears and he began to seriously question his decision to invite her. Picking up the shot glass shakily, he brought it to his mouth and threw his head back unable to really taste it anymore. It could have been fucking water for all he knew.

"Whatever." He threw his hand at her and it landed heavily onto the bar.

"What happened?" She questioned as she grabbed his hand. Pulling it out quickly, he shot a death glare at her. He wasn't that drunk to let her think he wanted their arrangement back. "You called me remember?" God, was her voice always this fucking annoying? He knew she wouldn't leave until he told her and honestly he really didn't give a shit anymore. He left Ana cowering in his bed naked and made her feel like shit for not letting him have sex with her.

"She's a virgin and she told me she was ready but in the middle of it she fucking changed her mind. Then I left her there like a fucking submissive, like I didn't give a shit." He clenched the bottle tighter because as soon as he said it, he knew he made a fucking mistake. Fuck, the room was spinning but he took another shot because he wanted to not think about any of it for a fucking while.

"Christian, I told you she would do this to you. This isn't your fault. If she truly cared about you, she would have submitted." He turned to her and for some damn reason he could finally see her. All of those years she made him submit, convincing him it was for his own fucking good and then tying him up like a fucking rag doll. He could never do that to Ana or fucking manipulate her into sex. It was just fucking wrong.

"Get the fuck away from me. I want you to fucking leave." She tried to place an arm on his shoulder and he shifted away from her almost falling off his bar stool.

"Christian!" She admonished and he pounded his hand onto the bar.

"Elena, get the fuck away from me." He couldn't even look at her now. The idea that she was even in the same room with him now made him fucking sick. He heard her heels clicking against the floor as she left him. He would need to go home soon but he wasn't ready and he wasn't going home to the bed he could only picture Ana crying in.

A pounding on their door woke both Ana and Kate from their positions on the couch. Empty sushi cases sat on their coffee table and the menu for Legends of The Fall played on their T.V. Ana got up first where she walked over and looked through the peephole. Christian's head hung as he looked like he might pass out. She quickly opened the door to see Taylor and Elliot holding him up.

"Is he okay…Oh my God." She could smell the liquor from where she stood where Elliot just rolled his eyes.

"Sorry, he wouldn't go anywhere else." Elliot spoke looking frustrated and exhausted. She looked at the clock. It was 2:30 in the morning. Kate came up behind her.

"Oh shit." Ana couldn't tell if that was in response to Christian or Elliot and the fact that they both were only wearing oversized t-shirts. At least they hit them both mid-thigh or this would be even more mortifying.

"Take him to my room." She ordered them and she turned to lead the way.

"I'll get some water and aspirin." Kate spoke as she walked into the kitchen.

Elliot and Taylor managed to get Christian on the bed and she began to take his shoes and jacket off. Pausing for a moment she looked at Elliot.

"Who was he with?" Elliot looked at her confused.

"He was alone when I got there." Taylor looked away and she knew that he knew but putting him in that position was unfair. He also would never tell her anyway. She knew though that if she mentioned Elena's name, he would probably give her a look that confirmed it. Kate came in from behind them and placed the aspirin and water on the end table. Ana watched Elliot watch her flatteringly and with intent eyes.

"Elliot, would you mind staying the night? I've never had to deal with a drunken man before." She spoke sweetly and with the best in distress tone she could offer. Kate swung around and gave Ana a curious look before she disappeared into her room.

"Sure. I mean he's probably going to be passed out the entire time or throwing up but I'll stay." He replied.

"Kate will take care of you. We have a guest room." She told him as he followed her out into the hall.

She began to undo his belt and then managed to pull his pants off although not very gracefully. He slept soundly as she began to unbutton his shirt. Hearing a vibrating noise, she climbed off the bed to find his phone in his jacket pocket. A text from Elena lit up on the screen.

_Let me know that you got home okay. You worried me at the bar. _

She placed the phone on her dresser and she truly did contemplate hitting him with something. It's not as though he would feel or remember it. Climbing in to her bed but staying as far away from his as possible, she stared at the wall preparing herself to face him in the morning.

* * *

**Snippet of Chapter 10 of The Lion and The Dove**

"I'm sorry if I have disappointed you. I know how much it means to you that I maintain a good reputation." She sniffled to her mother who gave her a disapproving look.

"Oh honey, we never wanted you this way. You put this pressure on yourself and you closed yourself off. I know you like to sit here and act like everyone treats you this way but you put that perception out there. You have been your own worst critic." Her mother sat there running her fingers through her hair while Ana's head lay in her lap.

**Authors Note:** I would like to start including the story line of Elliot and Kate but would like opinions first. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thank you for all of your wonderful responses.


	10. Chapter 10: Full Circle

_Thank you so much for your reviews! I'm so glad that there were readers who could relate to some of the situations and characters! The snippet I gave for this chapter will be in the next. This one became too long and I decided to seperate it at the point I felt would work well. Enjoy and as always let me know your thoughts. I included a small POV of Kate and Elliot to ease into their story and see what people think. _

Chapter 10: Full Circle

Kate put her hands on her hips as she looked at the mess she had to clean up and it made sense to wait until morning but having Elliot over, she wanted to give the impression she could keep her own damn apartment clean. For a seductress that she usually was, he made her nervous as shit.

"You two did damage huh?" She heard his voice as he rounded the corner. She began to pick up the empty sushi cases and the wine glasses.

"Rough night for everyone it seems." She commented back as she approached the kitchen. He followed behind her with the rest of the garbage from the living room surprising her. "You don't have to." She stood and shook her head at him.

"It's fine." His blonde curly hair falling messily into his face and she could just remember what it felt like having him kiss her. Holy shit, he was just eye candy and plain delicious.

"I can show you to the guest room." She kept her voice void of any emotion. Like he really cared what she had to say anyway or any of them. She heard the things they all said about her behind her back including him and his parents. _Oh, she sleeps around. Her poor father, what he must think of her partying ways. _Her father didn't give a shit. She was his best advertiser, the best seller for his business, and he loved her regardless. Sure, she could see him look at her with sadness sometimes but at least she was happy. _Keep lying to yourself. _He followed her up the stairs where the guest bed sat in the loft part above the kitchen. If it wasn't an open space where everyone could hear her have sex, she would have totally snagged this room. Her leg bounced nervously as she stood watching him pull back the comforters.

"Oh, sorry." She whispered out as he began to take off his clothes.

"Don't be. It's not as if you haven't seen it before." He flashed his grin that made her want to push him onto the bed in her usual aggressive fashion but she restrained herself. If anyone could hurt her, it would be him and there was no fucking way in hell she was going to allow that. Idolizing him for years to have him take her virginity and then never talk to her again. Still, she saw what she always saw, his overwhelming confidence and yet that serious glimmer in his eyes that showed his intensity, his struggle. His best friend had done enough damage a year later. She smiled at him before heading for the stairs.

"Kate. Can we talk about that night?" Her heart sank and she stared at what she imagined to be God laughing at her.

"I'm really tired and honestly there is not much to say. It was a long time ago." She couldn't turn around. Those blue eyes held more power over her than the beats and energy of a club.

"I do think I should say sorry." Well, that was a start. _Why didn't you call? Did you really just have to leave me and forget it ever happened? Do you really have to be a douchebag and judge me all the time? _She stopped herself before she became too angry to control the brain to mouth filter that kept her thoughts to herself.

"Like I said, it's fine." He sighed in what she could only sense as frustration and she walked down the stairs and into her room. There was no need to dig up old wounds although if things actually ever worked out between Ana and Christian; those wounds would be hitting her directly in the face.

Covering himself with the comforters, Elliot watched as Kate turned the lights off. He had so much he wanted to say to her, to apologize for. Really, he just felt the need to shake her. Going out to clubs, doing drugs, and fucking around seemed to be her current lifestyle from what he had looked up at least. It wasn't hard to find as it generally was the talk around Seattle. His group of friends, although most were now married, always loved to bring her up. What guy wouldn't? She was the sexiest person on the earth. If he could ever label anyone that, it would be her. Her eyes were the most hypnotizing blue and paired with her blonde hair and plump lips, she was the epitome of a pin-up doll. She knew it. Her makeup always played up her eyes and her lips; she wore clothes specifically to show off her curves. He wasn't going to lie and say he didn't jack off to pictures of her sometimes. Sensual and sexually suggestive pictures of her weren't hard to find. He hated the way she portrayed herself though because he specifically remembered her when she was a sophomore in high school. He was a freshman in college and he had returned to their private school for an alumni assembly. She had won the contest throughout the school for best speech in which she was asked to present at the assembly. Still somewhat awkward looking although her eyes still did their damage back then, she stood at the podium with full confidence. Her smile was bright and she just looked so damn happy. He remembered feeling jealous; his parents were always caught up with Christian and his shit. They worried about him becoming even more detached and then they worried when his anger seemed to calm. He couldn't even think of how may shrinks they tried to send him to. Elliot though succeeded in everything, in his classes, socially but even his successes couldn't draw the same attention the failures of his brother could. Still today, they continually worried about him. Kate, though, everyone noticed her back then and it wasn't for her looks it was because she was bright, intelligent, and extremely funny. Her speech was given on the responsibility of the growing media and how she was going be a journalist specifically dealing with politics.

"Politics intrigues me, it keeps my attention, and I am one who is not so easily entertained." He'll always remember the last line of her speech. It was true and perfect for her and now she was a blogger for fashion and nightlife in Seattle. Yep, sometimes he just wanted to shake the shit out of her.

"Fuck." Christian groaned as he opened his eyes. The bright lights stung forcing him to close them again.

"Here." He heard Ana's voice and he opened to see her holding a glass of water.

"What time is it?" He asked and his hand shook as he brought the glass to his mouth.

"It's 9 in the morning. Here's some aspirin. We were able to get you to take some when you got here last night so it's fine to take again." She held out her hand and he took the aspirin before he watched her stand from the bed. Heading into the bathroom, he heard the shower being turned on and she walked back out.

"You need to shower. I'll order breakfast and then we can sit and talk." She spoke sternly and he just realized that she was fully dressed and her hair was curled. It was then that he noticed the rigid Ana standing before him not the relaxed one he had grown so accustomed to. He slowly climbed out of the bed and headed into the bathroom where she had laid out some clothes for him. Taylor must have brought some by. Stepping onto the Carrera marble, he closed the glass door and stood underneath the water. He thought of the entire scene from the day before and then the scenes from the bar especially the ones when he finally realized the true evil of Elena Lincoln but even then he still couldn't think of himself as a victim. He was fucking strong god damn it. Rubbing his temples, he cleared his mind of her and focused on what he would have to say to her. Thank God there was one rational person in this relationship. People would seriously contemplate how he runs his business if they saw him now although the most successful were usually suffering. He climbed out and dried himself off, putting on his clothes, and then brushing his teeth with the toothbrush he had kept there. Ana sat in the tan claw-foot chair by her window with coffee when he came out. She pointed her hand to her bed where a tray sat for him with food and it smelled fucking delicious. The scent of sausage and something sweet, most likely pancakes, made his stomach growl with hunger. He sat on the bed and ate as she continued to look through her magazine. Her legs were crossed, her back sat straight and she refrained from looking at him until he finished. He felt like a child waiting for his punishment.

"Feel better?" She asked him nicely.

"Yes, Thank you." He replied noticing the quick change in expression.

"Good because you're going to need to be clear headed for this conversation." She smiled but her voice was cold and her eyes just glared at him. "I'm sorry about yesterday. Taking my insecurities out on you was unfair and it created an awful situation for us both. If you walked out because of anger I understand. Elena Lincoln is where we have a problem. I have a strong suspicion that you have lied to me about her. Now, I need you to tell me the truth about her and anything else that you have been hiding from me." Her hands lay gracefully in her lap and if he ever thought Elena scared him, he was wrong. The way Ana smiled at him after she spoke made him fear her more.

"Elena and I had a relationship when I was 15 until I was 21. I was an angry and uncontrollable teen and she used sex as a way to teach me how to control it." He saw her expression soften at his admission but he held his hand up to let her know there was more. There was nothing more to hide and what for? If his life didn't involve her, it would be empty regardless. "I was her submissive and she was my dominant. We were involved in the BDSM lifestyle and up until the night that I met you, as was I."

"She turned you into a submissive when you were fifteen and you have participated in that lifestyle since?" He nodded his head at her and she took a deep breath. "You do understand that any sexual contact with you when you were that age was wrong right? She is a pedophile and even if you don't believe it, legally she would be labeled as such."

"But honestly, I wouldn't be where I'm at if it wasn't for her? She taught me how to control my emotions and her husband used to hit her."

"Christian, don't ever use personal pain to justify hurting someone else. You don't see me using my abuse from Tom as an excuse to abuse someone else. Do you understand how that justification doesn't work?" She was breaking everything down one small bit at a time for him as if she understood that he was still attached to Elena.

"Yes."

"Okay. Also, let's just completely rid the justification of your current position being owed to her. You are where you are because you worked hard for it and because you are intelligent." She spoke softly that time and her voice had grown warmer as she looked at him searching to see if her thoughts were registering. The way she spoke, he could believe anything she said, and as he thought about it- it rang true. Besides her initial investment which he paid off ten-fold, he had worked his ass off to get where he was at.

"Okay, so on to this lifestyle. What did you do?" He looked down at the plate of food hating to have to tell her about it.

"I'm a dominant. I would take a submissive woman for the weekend. She would sign a contract that outlined my expectations, and anything she wouldn't do."

"Sexually?" She questioned and he nodded again at her.

"Everything was done with consent?"

"Yes, but I took my frustration and anger out on them." This he knew had become the reason he had failed to enjoy it for the past year. It was the realization that what he might be doing was wrong but letting go of the lifestyle had been his biggest fear up until now. Now, it was losing her.

"The way Elena did with you?"

"I guess so."

"Have you had a sub since we've been together?"

"God no, Ana." He felt her breathe a sigh of relief.

"You met her last night didn't you?" She gave him a knowing look.

"Yes, at the bar. Nothing happened between her and I but I did tell her about what happened yesterday." Fuck, she looked as though she was about to cry and he almost was on his knees ready to beg her to forgive him.

"Details?"

"No, Generals. We tried and it didn't work." She shook her head at him as she gazed out of the window. "I'm so sorry Ana. Walking out on you yesterday was a horrible decision. I never should have told her anything and I realized last night that what she did was wrong." She turned back to him offering him a weak smile.

"I'm really happy about that. I know you're sorry. I can see it and I know that in your right and sober mind you wouldn't have shared personal information about me. I need time to process this all. I'm not judging you and I don't hate you." She came closer to him on the bed and her hand stroked his cheek. "I just need time okay. I'm not leaving you but I think right now we should just be friends." He closed his eyes and leaned his head more into her hand. Never in a million years did he believe he would be at the mercy of another woman again. He didn't know if he could just be friends with her but the alternative of not having her around at all terrified him more.

"What about the benefit tonight?" He let her hand drop and he stood regaining some of his dominance in the situation.

"I'll be attending with Kate but we can sit together if you would like." He nodded before he walked over to her door. She had obviously made up her mind and he wasn't about to completely push her away with anger or frustration. Any anger he felt was misplaced anyways, he had just yet to figure out what or who exactly he was so angry at constantly. She followed him to the door and for a moment they both stood there struggling with the new dynamic. He bent down and kissed her cheek before opening her door, taking one last look as she smiled weakly at him, and he closed it feeling completely and utterly lost.

The click of the door shutting had her on her knees. Her body shook roughly as she sobbed into her hands. It was all she wanted to do since he told her about Elena and for once she felt severe hate for someone. Not even Tom gained this amount of a rise out of her but Elena did and she hated it. Taking advantage of an already broken boy and then for six years making him believe that was the only way to care for someone. It all began to make sense now. She had no room to talk. She thought the only way to love someone was to distance yourself so you didn't hurt them. Somehow, she had forgotten that with him. The whole morning revolved around ending it with him making him apologize and to see that it was genuine but all she got was an increased amount of overwhelming information. She couldn't leave him to her, clearly that's all he knew and she would never want to be grouped with Elena. The tears fell from her eyes and then to her hands onto her jeans where she watched the flow of her hurt stain her jeans with a dark spot and then eventually fade. She wished to believe that would be the same path her pain would follow. God, being friends with him was going to be more painful than anything but if the only person he felt he could call when he was upset was Elena then she was going to offer him the friendship he deserved. She lay back on her rug and stared at the ceiling wondering if the past month had been the worst or best thing to ever happen to her. She had a feeling she wouldn't know for years.

The flashing lights were beginning to give her a headache not to mention the stares she kept getting from the other attendee's for the Support the Arts benefit. Her cheeks had begun to hurt from the simulated smile she had been wearing but she did feel great in her dress. A perfect shade of light pink with rucched capped sleeves and the mid-thigh length in the front that turned into a full length gown as it rounded to the back gave her the perfect mixture of sexy and elegance. Kate had never worn a brighter smile than the one she wore when she saw her walk out of her bedroom. Maybe that's where the stares were coming from. Christian hadn't arrived yet and he hadn't texted so she figured he was on his way. She wished they could've talked before the event as she was being bombarded with questions about their relationship. As Kate slipped away for a moment to find her father, Ana made her way around the room to greet everyone when she seemed to notice that everyone was treating her differently. Some looked at her with pride, some looked at her with pity, and most of the men were staring at her like she was a prized piece of meat not the porcelain doll they usually eyed her with. The most unnerving part was the fact that none of them censored themselves around her anymore as they usually did, like she had finally grown ears worthy enough of their unaltered conversations. Elena stood across the room wearing a smug smile and Ana just smiled and waved. There was no need for her to gain any satisfaction tonight. After awkwardly finishing a conversation with Mr. and Mrs. Draper, she noticed Kate waving her over in panic. Keeping her pace unhurried and graceful, she walked over to Kate who immediately grabbed her wrist and dragged her into the bathroom. Finding the handicapped stall, she pulled them both in before locking the door.

"Kate, what is going on?" She looked like she was about to tell her that all the books in Seattle had been burned.

"Everyone knows Ana." Ana stood confused and Kate's heavily black lined eyes dropping her stare to her hands.

"Everyone knows what?" Kate twisted her hands together nervously before looking up at her again.

"They know about what happened with you and Christian last night, I mean as in you not being able to have sex with Christian and stopping him in the middle of it." Her chest immediately constricted as the information registered and she struggled to get a full breath in. Shaking erratically, her hands found her knees as she bent over to try and calm herself. Now was not the time to break down. _Breathe. Breathe. _God, none of it was working. Her dress felt suffocating, the room felt extremely warm, and the overwhelming butterflies returned almost bringing her to her knees.

"Ana. It's an anxiety attack. Bring your head down by your knees." Kate spoke calmly and Ana did as she said not caring that her hair was probably touching the bathroom floor. The blood pulsing in her ears drowned out any other noise. Her reputation that she had worked so hard for, the one that she had worked hard to keep was ruined. The air of their thoughts and judgments were strangling her completely. Kate kept her hand at Ana's back rubbing softly when they heard the sound of heels hitting the floor.

"That poor Christian. Who wouldn't know what to do with that? What a waste." Ana could feel Kate squeeze her hand harder and she looked up to shake her head. She didn't need a scene added to this.

"I know. I always knew she was a prude. She's not so perfect after all." They both began to snicker at their comments. Ana tried to pull Kate back but it was too late and she sank back into the corner of the stall as Kate flew out.

"Oh, fuck off both of you before I fuck your husbands. That's if I can get in there before your nanny Angela." And with one swift sweep, her anxiety left her and she began to laugh. The two woman offered sighs of disgust as they left the bathroom and Kate took one look at Ana before she began to laugh too.

"Why are you laughing?" Kate breathlessly got out in between their laughter that had them both sitting on the floor in the bathroom. The last place either of them ever thought they would find themselves. A freeing and deep laugh left her mouth as tears streamed down her face not in sadness but relief.

"I was hiding in a stall about to pass out because of the thoughts of them. They cheat on their husbands with their personal trainers and I'm the one who's being talked about." She began to laugh harder finally freeing herself of the suffocating drapery of etiquette she had been wearing for years. Kate laughed even harder as she scooted next to Ana and laid her head on her shoulder. Ana's dress fell around her exposing her legs as Kate's navy blue dress covered hers.

"I can't believe you said that to them." Kate chuckled.

"Ehhh, they all see me that way anyways." She waved her hand and Ana let her head rest on Kate's.

"Are you really okay?" She asked as they were finally calming down.

"Honestly, yes. It's so odd that I finally feel a huge weight has been lifted and it's because they no longer see me as perfect. This thick cloud of pressure has just evaporated. I always put them on this obscene pedestal and now I realize that I have given them more power than I ever should have. I feel free." She spoke with an eerie sense of calm as she stood and held her hand out to Kate. "C'mon, let's leave. I never really cared to come anyway." Kate's eyes widened as she grinned in excitement.

"Oh, hell yes." She hooked her arm through Ana's and they walked back out into the room where they made their way to the entrance when Christian walked in. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Elena approaching from the Grand ballroom.

"I'll meet you in the limo." She whispered to Kate who nodded her head and Ana walked over to Christian who wore the most miserable grim expression as he saw her approach. Grabbing his arm, she pulled him into the empty conference room to the side.

"Taylor, do not let her in here. Do you understand me?" He smiled at her briefly before his look became serious again.

"Yes, Ma'am."

She closed the door and turned to him as he sat in one of the chairs.

"Ana, I'm so sorry about Elena. It's all my fault." He started to ramble and she surprised him as she sat on his lap and took his face into her hands.

"I'm not mad. What keeps you attached to her?" He looked at her in confusion. "Do you keep Elena around because you know she'll never leave you?" He tried to push her away but she held his face with firm hands.

"Christian, look at me." She could see the anger at the accusation but this needed to happen. Her fingers stroked his cheeks softly as he finally began to calm down. "Can you feel that? The way that I touch you, the way that I look at you, and the way that I feel about you? Can you feel the difference? I care about you more than she ever will and I will never hurt you like she has. There have been people who have always genuinely cared about you, who will never give up or leave you. I just… I need you to open your eyes first though." She put her forehead against his as she let the words sink in. It was when she felt his tears fall onto her chest that she knew he had met his realization. Pulling him close, she let him collapse into her chest, relishing the feel of his stubble against her skin. She loved him and although they were just friends right now, she knew they would find their way back to each other eventually. They both just needed time to find themselves before they could find each other. As he pulled away she smiled at him.

"I'll deal with Elena. You no longer have to. Go and wait with Kate in the limo. I'll be out in a minute." She stepped off of him as he stood and he looked at her curiously.

"Where are we going?"

"We are going to spend time with the people who actually care about us and matter." She shrugged as he looked at the floor. Neither of them were fixed yet but as with anything, it would take time. Grabbing his hand, she led him out where Elena waited and god bless him he didn't even look at her. She let go as they approached the entrance and she made her way over to Taylor and Elena. Making sure that Christian had left, she nodded at Taylor who followed him out.

"What the fuck did you do to him now?" Elena hissed and for the first time Ana offered her a genuine smile.

"There is no reason to make a scene." She spoke with confidence. "Thank you for doing the predictable action of sharing that personal tidbit of information Christian gave you last night. In all sincerity, thank you."

"Excuse me?" Elena stepped back and eyed her trying to find what angle she was playing at. There was no angle; tonight had changed both her and Christian for the better.

"You hold no power over him anymore." Fear hit Elena's eyes for a couple of seconds before her anger appeared.

"He'll come back. He always comes back." She argued back looking weak and desperate.

"Not this time. Thank you for making it so easy to get him back. I'm sure inside you are so overwhelmed with happiness that you helped us both tonight." Ana stepped forward so that her lips could almost touch her ear. She held her shoulders high and raised her chin to show her confidence and strength. "He has everyone he needs now. You are no longer wanted or thought about. A small speck to begin with and you no longer exist." And with that, she left Elena standing alone with her insecurities, evil, and a failed plan. She received no satisfaction from starting the rumors which completely satisfied her.

Christian was waiting on the curb by the limo for her as she approached. Standing in true Christian fashion as he leaned against the window, he straightened as she neared him.

"Everything okay?" He questioned looking exhausted.

"I think so." She replied as they climbed into the limo.


	11. Chapter 11: No One Warns You

_Thank you so much for your reviews. They have been wonderful and have offered awesome insight that has made me rethink my chapters a little. You have all helped in developing my chapters better with your reviews! Enjoy._

Chapter 11: No One Warns You

"What did you say to her?" He questioned Ana as they climbed into the Limo. She placed her hand in his and squeezed as her pink glossed lips parted for a small smile.

"I told her that you no longer need her because you have me, your family, and your friends."

"Do I have you?" He never meant for it to sound so needy but he wanted her back. Looking at her now and seeing the boundless strength she possessed that surpassed any of his, he really fucking wanted her back.

"You do have me as a friend. I just don't think either of us in the position to offer anything more yet." He nodded in agreement but he wanted to attack her lips right there. That was his problem though wasn't it. He was too dependent on sex as a coping mechanism and she still cared more about everyone else but herself. As much as he saw a change in her, the fact that she took his problems on showed she still was dependent on her coping mechanism as well but since when did he become a fucking psychiatrist. "I want you to call me or your family if you need anything. Anytime and I'll be there. I'm here for the long run regardless of how we end up." He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close. As much as she struggled to decide whether or not to give him what he needed, she did finally relax into him. He didn't know if she knew his biggest fear was losing her but she did a damn good job at appeasing him.

"Let's go to the club." Kate squirmed excitedly in her seat. Ana knew that scene was where Kate would escape to at night and even though she had yet to figure out what she was escaping from, she knew it was something. Kate was an extremist with her emotions; extremely sad or extremely happy. Her control had gotten better but she was most dangerous when she appeared fine, like tonight. "You get lost in the music." Kate spoke again with her high pitched tone that let Ana know she was almost desperate to be there. There had been a lingering sadness in her eyes all day that bothered Ana. She knew Kate would escape tonight regardless but that just worried her more. Getting lost in music didn't sound too bad. She floated away with music all the time, generally sad music but she knew clubs didn't draw crowds to dance to John Mayer. Going back to her apartment didn't interest her either. She was still partially on her high from Elena and the bathroom scene. Looking at both Christian and Kate, she knew they all needed it.

"Okay." She spoke quietly to see Christian's head snap towards her and Kate's eyes widen. She rolled her eyes at the both of them. "Honestly, why ask if you had expected a certain answer." Kate's lips pursed as she tried not to laugh.

"I'm so excited." Kate told Tom the club name to which he didn't need to gather directions for.

"Are you sure?" Christian whispered into her ear and she nodded her head. _No, I'm not sure. _The idea of an environment that contained several uncontrollable factors terrified her. Alcohol, drugs, and other people looking for an escape seemed to hold the perfect recipe for disaster. Christian held her tighter as if he could sense her true feelings. "I'll be by your side the entire time and security will be there." He reassured her. This catered to his need for control too and she let him have it. After years of rigid control, it made breathing easier to give it up to someone she knew would protect her body if not her heart yet. It's not like she had a fear of clubs specifically, it was the large amount of uncontrollable people that scared her. She never knew when she would be able to trust strangers to control themselves or hold the same moral compass she had. Her fears had been proven right too many times. They pulled up to the side of a beautiful brick building that had an ear-bending thunderous set of music emanating from it. Kate climbed out first eagerly to be at her night home. It was the first time she had ever agreed to go. Before she could change her mind, Christian climbed out and offered his hand. She trusted him to protect her. He was a true alpha male in that he would protect anyone he felt possessive over. Even though, their status and dynamic had changed, they both knew she was still his. She placed her hand in his as they were greeted by the bouncer. The loud beats of the club almost shook her body as she stood on the steps. Christian had his hand firmly placed at her lower back as Kate joked with the monster of a man that guarded the door. She never thought she would ever meet a man larger than Christian but they did exist. He opened the door and she jumped a little at the noise. Christian's grip moved to her waist and grew tighter. Following Kate in, Christian kept close. Holy sensory overload, there seemed to be hundreds of lights and her ears were tickled by the noise. It was a beautiful club and they were being led to the private section. A small blue-lit bar was filled with busy bartenders and eager patrons with money held up by two fingers. She sat with Christian on a set of white modern sofas as Taylor disappeared into the crowd but she knew he was close. The protective energy of both Christian and Taylor clothed her with a sense of security. The V.I.P section was filled with some people she knew from other events. They were all the same age as her but she associated with their parents more than them. Her heart was racing, not all out of fear though. There was a certain energy entwined throughout the walls, music, and people that automatically excited her.

"Hey, what do you want to drink?" Kate bounced impatiently. Christian quickly ordered whiskey while Ana hesitated. She had really only ever drank wine or champagne.

"Whatever you're having." She replied only to have Kate shake her head at her.

"I don't drink here." Ana tried hard to hide her shock. All these years she had worried over Kate and her excessive need to frequent places like this and if her judgment wasn't hindered in any way then why some of the men?

"I'll surprise you." She yelled back. It was then that Ana realized you did specifically come here to escape. Lord knows you don't come here to converse. She stood and approached the loud roars of a crowd with Christian by her side. Looking over the balcony, she saw the crowd of people dancing. Their energy was erratic and hypnotizing; an odd combination. She turned to Christian who gazed at her with a smirk, his amusement peeking through with the many spotlights.

"Your innocence continues to astound me." He spoke loudly into her ear and she smiled brightly at him. Her body responded to the crowd and music with an excited vibration. They all wore freed expressions. Some dancers closed their eyes looking lost in a trance while others bright and excited moved with the energy that surrounded them.

Kate returned quickly with champagne which Ana breathed a sigh of relief to. Christian drank his whiskey like it was water while they all stared into the crowd. The music driving them all into a musical exodus and she wondered what that was like. Would she be in her open field of prairie when she danced? Would she even know how to dance to this music? The beat of the music became her though as she stood there. She couldn't explain it any other way. Her heartbeat matched the beat of the music and without thought, her body moved in similar rhythm.

"Ana, come dance with me!" Kate screamed before drinking the rest of her bottled water. She shook her head as an initial response.

"You'll enjoy it, I promise. We both need it after tonight." There was that sadness again in Kate's eyes begging for her participation.

"Only if you come with me." She yelled into Christian's ears and he shrugged his shoulders with a look of indifference. She knew this wasn't either of their scenes which was comical given their ages. Christian finished his whiskey and Ana finished her champagne before following Kate down the stairs where they entered the dance floor. The shift in energy just from the balcony to the dance floor was insane. It was hypnotic, fitful, and sexual as there were so many bodies moving with each other. It reminded her of a more modern setting of Dirty Dancing. Much more modern. Christian followed behind her with both arms wrapped around her shoulders. His hard body pressed against hers was the only reason she kept moving. She felt safe within his arms and his defiant and strong energy compared with Kate's had the crowd moving for them. It probably didn't help that they were all severely overdressed. She so desperately wished to tell some of the women that they should only bare one suggestive body part with an outfit. The quick change in song shifted the energy again. Kate's body was the first to move as she stopped in a somewhat open space in the middle. It became an even larger space to dance within as Christian's security surrounded them. With that added sense of safety, she relaxed some as she watched Kate move. Her eyes were closed as she swayed, bounced, and became lost yet still present. She suddenly felt embarrassed unable to push herself to potentially look like an idiot when she felt Christian move. A simple sway to the beat.

"Close your eyes." He ordered with his deep voice hovering just enough above the noise of the music for her to hear. She closed her eyes and that innate response to the music became much stronger. It became more intoxicating as the energy of the music and crowd flooded her every sense. She couldn't think about anything. It was as if the bass and music became her leading her movements. She could feel Christian's body against hers but in the sense that they were now one because of it. One body moving together and it was easy. Her mind finally freed from the fear of what the strangers surrounded her might think and she let the music take her body and mind for a little while. Yes, music was a getaway to freedom not just memories of pain.

After a couple of songs, Christian felt Ana relax completely into him and herself. Her body moved with new movements and he loved the feeling of having her so close and experiencing another first with her. Fuck, it was hot. He pulled away and removed his jacket giving it to one of the security team members. He didn't care that they had taken more space than they needed because of his security. He called in three teams to guard the building and Ana. If it was just him, he would have been fine with just Taylor but this was Ana. He would buy the entire club for her to dance in if that's what she wanted. It did help that they were early beating the crowd that didn't head out until midnight. To his surprise, she kept moving. Her skin glistened as sweat sat upon her pale skin and her eyes were closed. She had found a getaway within this craziness and it was the most beautiful thing he had ever witnessed. It wasn't the sensual movements of her hips or the way she bit her lip at certain beats of the songs. It was the content expression that graced her beautiful face that wasn't forced. She didn't think about it and she didn't judge the situation to offer it; it appeared naturally. This is how he had always wanted her, always craved her to be and she was dancing like an angelic being in her pink gown neglecting to care for the world around her. She opened her eyes and blew the strands of hair that had fallen into her face. He was at her mercy completely. He would breathe, eat, and sleep the way she wanted him to just to fucking keep her. He nodded towards the balcony hoping she would agree to go back. It was too fucking hot and the music had surpassed its enjoyable state. She gave him a look of relief as she followed him back up. Kate was entertaining another group of people before running over to them.

"Are you guys leaving?" Christian looked at Ana who nodded at Kate. _Oh Thank fuck. _Kate hugged her and offered a mocking look of pride as they pulled apart. Ana laughed and playfully swatted Kate's arm. The cool breeze from outside felt fucking revitalizing. Taylor opened the door to the car when Ana stopped him.

"My apartment isn't too far. I want to walk. The fresh air feels amazing." Her look of young reverie was enough for him to agree.

"Okay." Taylor closed the door and ordered another security team member to meet them at Ana's. They held hands like a high school couple on prom night wandering the busy streets of Seattle at 11:00 at night. They fucking looked like they were dressed for prom. He wouldn't know, he never attended that shit. The boisterous noises of the bars they were passing and other groups of people out searching for a good time. He had skipped those years just as she was doing.

"What did you think?" Her face lit up quickly.

"It was freeing not to think for a while. I mean, my god, the atmosphere is hypnotic. I guess that's what everyone our age is out doing huh." She nudged him with her shoulder playfully.

"I guess." He laughed back hating to ruin the mood. "I'm sorry about yesterday and Elena tonight." He hated the mood change but he hadn't apologized enough yet. Hell, he didn't know if he could ever apologize enough for it.

"I know. I'm still hurt but your reaction and calling her makes sense after you told me what she did to you. It we want to move forward separately and together, and then you need to cut her out of your life completely. This isn't out of jealousy, this is what I believe is best for you." He listened to her stern voice but the way she rested her head against his shoulder made it easier to swallow. She knew he still had feelings for Elena out of routine and security. He knew Elena would never leave him and would always support his use of subs. It's part of why he kept her around for so long despite hating her.

"Anything you want." He spoke slowly as they were nearing her building. Why couldn't they just walk all night? "My mother is friends with her though and she does travel in our circle." He reminded her to see her look up and sigh in frustration.

"I know. We'll figure it out." She said confidently and he believed her. His way of protecting her was more visible but her way of protecting him was a quiet one along with her strength. She knew he needed to know he was strong and so she never pushed him completely out of control. Her words never assumed he couldn't handle something and he really fucking appreciated that about her. He couldn't say it enough that she was perfect for him. Completely fucking perfect. "You know this is going to be hard for me too." She spoke again and he looked at her confused. She motioned towards the park bench outside of her building and they both sat. "Not being with you like I have been. I hate the idea of it too but we need this. We need to know each other and learn to trust each other without the pressure of sex and we need to get our ducks in a row before we start swimming." He chuckled at the last part as she began to laugh freely.

"I'm going to miss sleeping next to you." He grazed her arm trying to prolong their good-bye for the night.

"I know." Her blue eyes filled with sadness calmed him some. This was going to be hard for her too and it showed him she still cared. He knew he could kiss her right now, run his fingers down her neck like she enjoyed and probably charm his way upstairs but he restrained. She leaned in and kissed his cheek before standing.

"I'll call you tomorrow." And with that, she walked away disappearing into her building.

Elliot pulled into the alley by the V.I.P entrance in his black Range Rover. His mother was practically hysterical since Christian wouldn't answer her calls and he had ditched the event tonight. It had been a while since he had been to this club. Those days were nearing the end but not fast enough obviously as the bouncer smiled and let him in immediately. God damn the lights and music were on high alert tonight and he walked up the stairs to the private section. It was busy tonight with half naked girls walking around and suits staring at their asses as they walked by. He searched the room looking for a tall brooding man probably in the corner or at the bar. His eyes stopped when he noticed Kate sitting on the white sofas with some guy practically drooling on her fucking dress. _She's not yours. _Fuck, did she look good. She wasn't wearing her short little numbers he had usually seen her with as he figured it was the gown she had worn to the event. A body hugging blue that made her eyes stand out and her figure look fucking fantastic. It should be illegal to possess those kinds of curves. He unclenched his fists and he waved her over when she finally saw him. She grazed the cheek of the guy sitting next to her with her pointer finger before standing and nearing him. He walked down the stairs angry as shit and hoping she knew to follow him.

"Everything okay?" She asked him as she made it outside and they were standing in the alley.

"Do you know where Christian is? My parents are worried about him." She rolled her eyes before grabbing her phone and he could relate, it was exactly how he felt about the situation.

"He's either at my apartment with Ana or at his. They left about forty-five minutes ago." She turned to go back inside and he knew he should let her go in without saying anything but his bad mood had turned worse after seeing her in there.

"Don't go home with that fucking guy Kate, you're better than that." She turned around and narrowed her eyes at him as she stepped closer to him.

"It's none of your fucking business who I go home with." She snapped fast and hard as he could almost feel the disdain leave her mouth and strike his face.

"Well, it's everyone's fucking business when you're so blatant about it." A scoff of disgust left her as she stepped away from him.

"That's funny coming from Seattle's fucking playboy. Do you think I don't know that you've fucked almost all of my friends?" _Here we go. _She had no room to talk.

"You think I don't know you fucked my best friend Jared. He told me all about it." He was just as ready to hurt someone as she was. Another night spent worrying about Christian and his shit. He gritted his teeth looking at her but then her whole demeanor changed from anger to hurt. Within a split second it looked like she was on the verge of crying which if anyone knew Kate, they knew this was a damn rarity.

"You have no idea what went on that night." She whispered out before walking away and heading back into the club. Like hell, he had been given all of the details. Slamming the door to his Range Rover, he sped off to Christian's apartment.

Kate paused at the foot of the stairs, her hands were shaking, and she was on the verge of punching the wall. She wasn't going to cry. She was in control of her sexuality completely. The hazy memories of the morning after and how scared and confused she felt hit her like a ton of bricks. That was it. She needed to prove to herself and everyone else yet again that she chose when to have sex and who to have sex with. Walking up the stairs and clearing the floor quickly, she returned to Ryan's side.

"What's your name again?" She asked as his green eyes slowly turned to her, undressing her.

"Ryan." That was enough. She slid in next to him offering him a sensual smile as he placed his hand on her thigh. At least she had good taste. He was model handsome, an accountant for probably one of Christian Grey's many companies and he was just enough of a challenge to excite her. He played hard to get as all of the smart men that were looking for a hook-up did. It had been a while since she had a one night stand. She had fallen into the routine of serial dating so that she didn't feel so promiscuous because at least she had the status of a girlfriend when she slept with them. Leaning in close, and grazing the thigh of his leg she inched closer so that her lips were close to his ear. "Ready to go?" She drawled into his ear and she could feel his smirk before he turned towards her.

His lips were on hers in the hallway of her building as she struggled to get the key into the door. Giving up for a minute, she ran her fingers through his hair as his tongue trailed the lining of her lips. This was her favorite moment of having sex, the high off her success, and the feeling of intimacy no matter how false it actually was. He pulled away, giving her space and time to unlock the door.

"Be quiet, my roommate is asleep." She whispered as they snuck by Ana's room. He walked into her bedroom and she shut the door slowly and quietly before turning towards him.

"Take off your clothes." She eyed his outfit as she bit his lip and he began to undress in front of her. He was clearly confident and really fucking hot. Watching him, she took off her heels and then pulled her dress off leaving her in her thong and bra. His eyes devoured her body in any and every sensual manner a man could. He stalked over to her, grabbing her waist, and jerking her towards him. God he attacked her mouth as he dragged her toward the bed. Gaining her footing, she flipped him over on the bed getting a smile in response. His fingers were at her bra as he unclasped it and she let it drop from her arms. He stared at her boobs in a way that made her want to roll her eyes but she opted to kiss him instead. His hands were squeezing her ass and she was just ready to get it over with. Her high was over but she didn't want to stop him either. The male attention and body with hers was comforting if only for a little while. She broke from their kiss and slid down him, pulling his boxers off as she did. Taking off her panties, she went back to kissing him leading him up more onto the bed. He flipped her over now before his fingers began to rub her clit. It felt good but she wasn't with him for foreplay. Grabbing his wrist, she moved his hand to her side while she motioned her hips up against his cock. He took the hint and moved to grab the condom from his wallet. She watched him put it on admiring the quick application before he came back and kissed her again. A kiss that most of them did as if it were a routine kiss before they fucked someone. He drove in deep and hard not easing in slowly which was exactly what she needed. The feel of him inside her had her throw her head back as the pleasure of that first thrust always did to her. It was the following ones that she began to lose interest but she played along. Dragging her fingers down his back as he fucked her made him thrust faster. It felt damn good but she would never have an orgasm from it. She never did. It was never satisfying but she enjoyed the feel of him inside her. His body was beautiful to watch and feel as his hips moved with intense rhythm.

"Fuck." He whispered and she could tell he was getting close. Picking up the sounds of her moans, she prepared herself to fake her orgasm. She had become a damn professional at it actually and he was hopefully drunk enough to not notice the difference.

"Ohhhhh my god." She screamed as he found his release and he watched the way she came. She held her eyes closed when he rolled off her and went into her bathroom. This was the part she hated. She had yet to master kicking someone out after a one night stand. He came back out smiling at her and she smiled awkwardly back as he climbed back into the bed. Yup, he was staying.

"I'm going to take a shower." She spat out as he looked as though he was already falling asleep. The warmth of the water couldn't help how numb she felt tonight. She quickly washed herself and threw on her nightgown. Walking out of the bathroom, she saw Ryan asleep and she snuck over to grab her phone. She just couldn't. She closed her door quietly before peeking into Ana's room and feeling relief at seeing her alone. The relief quickly turned to heartbreak when she heard Ana sniffling.

"Ana." She whispered.

"God, Kate you scared me." Her voice was hoarse and Kate knew she had been crying. She walked over and the light of the moon and other buildings lit the room enough for her to see Ana curled into a pillow. Opening the blankets up, she slid behind Ana and curled her arm around her waist. This is how they met during their pain. She could smell the scent of a man from the pillow and she realized what Ana was doing. Christian had left his scent from the night before and she was clinging to it.

"Things didn't go well?" She whispered and Ana shook her head.

"You know you have these ideas and visions of romanticism. We walked the streets in my gown and his tuxedo tonight and seeing us you would think we were perfect." Her voice was shaky and she ended in a whisper. "You imagine it in the movies, so surreal that it can only be romantic until you zoom in and you see their faces and you hear what they're saying. I'm just now realizing how naïve I have been. No one tells you how much this hurts, like physically hurts." She clenched the pillow tighter and sobbed again.

"I know. The usual?" Ana nodded her head and Kate reached for her phone searching for the playlist that led them to sleep on nights like this. The harmonic voices of The Rescues filled the room. This was the first time Ana had ever cried when they slept together. They always lay together silently feeling their pain and waiting to see if that time would be when one of them finally broke. It seems they had both met their waiting destinations of painful realizations tonight.

_Waited a hundred years to see your face_

_and I would wait a hundred more,_

_if only to be near you,_

_to have you and to hear you._

_Isn't that what time is for?_

_Sailed a thousand ships in search of you,_

_traveled to distant lands._

_I dove for sunken gold,_

_I took what I could hold, but you're_

_still the greatest treasure I've held in my hands._

_My love, the reason I survive,_

_trust we'll be together soon._

_Should our fire turn to dark,_

_take my heart with you._

The intensity of Ana's pain shook them both as she cried. Kate ran her fingers through her hair just as Ana did when Kate was in her position. She understood her pain, the first heartbreak, the moment you realize that life had more control than you. After that night with Elliot, the realization that sex wasn't what she had expected, Elliot either-she sobbed with the same intensity. She always wondered why no one ever warned you of that kind of pain.

_A tattered photograph my pocket holds,_

_I keep you secretly._

_I've studied every line._

_You're etched upon my mind,_

_for not a million soldiers could take you from me._

That verse always reminded her of Elliot. She had kept him in her mind before she would fall asleep and in her dreams. She always thought that it was dreamy and passionate to feel so strongly for someone but now she couldn't feel anything. She had reached the point she had always wanted yet been so afraid to reach; the inability to feel anything. Ana entwined her fingers through hers and they both let the night carry them away together hopefully to a much brighter place within their dreams.

* * *

**AN: **If you felt uncomfortable or detached from the Kate's sex scene, then I did my job. It was supposed to come off that way in that it wasn't supposed to be satisfying for her. I promise that this is the most depressing part yet and that we're moving away from it with the coming chapters. I wrote this knowing that it was relatable and real. It's a driving factor for this story remain real and authentic. They are twenty somethings navigating an adult world for the first time. I hope this makes sense. Here's an unedited snippet for the next chapter to hold you over.

**Snippet for Ch. 12 of The Lion and The Dove. **

Christian sat in the kitchen after carefully trying to prepare one of the meals Gail had left for the weekend. Having Ana come over for lunch made him fucking frantic. She walked in and he stilled when he saw her. She was in cuffed ripped jeans, flats, and a pink zip up hoodie with her hair in a messy braid draped over her shoulder. He had never seen her so beautiful. She removed her sunglasses and his heart hurt when he saw that she had been crying. Her tone over the phone when she called didn't prepare him for this. She shrugged her shoulders at him as he stared for too long.

"I know, I look horrible. Just, can we please sit?" She sat exhaustedly on the couch and he joined her.

"You look beautiful Ana." She turned to him and offered a small side smile before looking at her hands.

"My mother is in town." She brought her legs up on the couch and sat indian style. He couldn't believe she had come to him and he so desperately wanted to scoop her up and sit her on his lap.

"Oh. Everything okay?" She shrugged her shoulders again and looked at him with tears forming in her eyes.


	12. Chapter 12: Differing Parties

_Thank you all again for your wonderful reviews especially after the last chapter! No Kate and Elliot in this one as I wanted to keep this personal moment untouched by anyone or anything else. They will be in the following chapter. The "big" lemon will be in Chapter 14 for those anxiously waiting. _

Chapter 12: Differing Parties

"How'd you sleep?" Christian asked Elliot as he rounded the corner into the kitchen.

"Fucking terrible." He replied in dismal and irritated fashion. Elliot had shown up pissed off and ready to beat the shit out of someone last night, mainly him, but he at least had enough restraint until morning to talk about it. The fucking terrible moods they both were in last night would have had them brawling on the living room floor. "Did you call Mom?"

"Not yet." He growled back hating Elliot's tone. It was condescending and fucking annoying.

"Fuck Christian! She's worried about you. They both are. Per fucking usual." Elliot's tone hardened more dishing his anger out in full force.

"I'm not in the mood for you to be passive aggressive. If you have something to say, fucking spit it out." They were separated by the kitchen island, thank god, because both had clenched fists and narrowed eyes. It would be a pretty even fight as they both were raised in Martial Arts classes and were built the same. They stood at the same height with the same broad shoulders and if it wasn't for their differing hair and eye color, you would never question whether or not they were brothers.

"Why can't you just be normal or at least fucking act like it? Give us all a fucking break from worrying about you." Elliot's arms rose in frustration and his fucking bad mood just worsened.

"I never asked any of you to worry about me." He yelled back as he slammed his fist onto the counter. Elliot matched it.

"You'll never need to ask. Don't you get that?" Elliot screamed at him. "We will always care about what you're doing. Just fucking acknowledge it and make an effort. It's annoying as shit to see you bombarded with attention you could give two shits about." It was no longer a battle of dominance or fists but a battle of the tongues.

"Because you don't fucking get any? Isn't that why you're out there fucking all of Seattle so you can hear those drunken girls tell you what you want to hear. Fucking Pathetic." Christian knew he hit below the belt as soon as Elliot stepped away from the island. What he said didn't anger him to start a brawl which is what Christian wanted. It just hurt him horribly.

"Fuck you Christian." He turned and snatched his jacket from the chair before walking to the elevator.

"Fuck Elliot. I'm sorry." Elliot didn't still or turn back around but simply offered the finger as he pushed the button. Standing there, he didn't think the fucking day could get any worse but lo and behold it had. "FUCK!" His hand gripped his glass harder and feeling completely overwhelmed by the lack of control he had over his life right now had him throwing the glass into the sink where it shattered into small shards of glass.

"I'm going to be happy today." Kate declared as she walked back into the kitchen after checking to make sure Ryan had left.

"Does it really work like that?" Ana asked seriously because she had never felt so depressed or exhausted like she did today. She had only slept maybe an hour and the rest of the time she sobbed. Avoiding all mirrors, she headed straight for the coffee maker hoping it would work some magic on her energy levels although she had planned to just climb in bed and lounge for the day.

"I don't know. That's what the books and mags say." She slid onto the barstool too perky for the day. Ana wished she could recover that easily but then she noticed the sadness still lingering and she knew it was an act. _Postive Thinking, _she thought when she watched her and Ana couldn't even muster enough energy for that.

"Let me know how that goes." She spoke back as Kate scoffed at her. "What?" She gave Kate an irritated look.

"I like you depressed. It's the first time I haven't seen you mask everything with a smile or etiquette." Ana rolled her eyes knowing Kate didn't notice the irony and she didn't want to ruin her mission already.

"Thank you for standing up for me last night." She looked Kate square in the eyes hoping to aide in her confidence boost and she knew not ask about the night before. They both had that in common that they would speak freely without instigation to each other when and if they wanted to.

"Oh Ana. Those bitches deserved it." Under exhaustion all she could do was send a disapproving look. "C'mon they were bitches." She grinned knowing that Ana was too exhausted to argue.

"They were petty and petulant women, yes." She agreed and Kate laughed.

"Bitches. It's shorter and it rolls of the tongue much easier." Ana began to laugh and she knew it was in her state of exhaustion that she became slap happy. A knock at the door had them both turning confused that they hadn't been informed of visitors. Since Ana was standing she walked over and peered through the peep hole only to step back in fear. Her mother. Gaining enough courage to open it, she grabbed the door handle and pulled.

"Momma." She managed out with a weak smile but the tears were there. How? She had no idea because she figured a drought would take over after her hours of shedding tears.

"Oh baby." Her mother's southern drawl echoed and her arms wrapped around Ana. As she pulled away, Ana noticed Elliot standing behind her. "Oh, we both met in the elevator." Her mother motioned towards him and Ana watched Kate jump off the stool quickly.

"Uh. Can I take you to breakfast Kate?" He asked looking just as exhausted as her and Kate nodded.

"Let me go throw some clothes on first." He nodded.

"I'll wait out here for you." He smiled at Ana and she smiled back sensing that he had something he wanted to say but he withheld. Ana led her mother to her room so that no one was within distance to hear her mother's disappointment. To her surprise, her mother climbed onto the bed with her sitting against the head board. Placing a pillow on her lap she motioned her hand and Ana dropped her head enjoying the feel of her mother's fingers threading through her hair.

"I'm sorry if I have disappointed you. I know how much it means to you that I maintain a good reputation." She sniffled to her mother who gave her a disapproving look.

"Oh honey, I think you are confusing yourself with me. You put this pressure on yourself and you closed yourself off. I know you like to sit here and act like everyone treats you this way but you put that perception out there. You have been your own worst critic." Her mother sat there running her fingers through her hair while Ana's head lay in her lap.

"I don't understand." She sniffled again and she wiped the tears from her eyes.

"You've misplaced the pressure you feel. There came a point that you decided to place this pressure on yourself to be this girl that surpassed in everything; school, etiquette, and your beauty but then you let no one in. I don't know if it was from the books you buried yourself in but you changed. You were so witty, outgoing, and funny and within a year you replaced yourself with a detached version. Your father and I couldn't for the life of us figure it out and therapy didn't help." _Because I lied the entire way through my therapy sessions. _Her mother's voice was shaky and Ana could tell her tears would emerge soon. She sobbed harder into the pillow fighting the urge to tell her mother about Tom. The pain and guilt her mother felt about her change was less than what she would feel if she knew the truth. She just couldn't tell her.

"It wasn't your fault." She shakily got out.

"Yes. I feel like I was too focused on your beauty and it pushed you to the extreme to prove otherwise. I never know how you feel. You have put this wall up and we tried everything to just insert a crack but honey, it's all you now baby. You have always done as I asked and I ask you now to be yourself. Be that funny and comfortable girl that got lost somewhere along the way. Please baby." The guilt dripped from her words as they hit Ana's ears and she sobbed harder. She could only nod to appease her mother as the guilt she now felt was heartbreaking. Sitting up slowly, she reduced her tears and wiped them with the handkerchief her mother held out to her.

"Thank you." She whimpered to her and sat against the headboard next to her.

"You like him? Christian Grey?" The southern charm of the way she spoke his name made her smile. The image of him made her smile.

"Very much." She smiled weakly at her mother who responded with a wide grin that bared all of her perfect white teeth showing no signs of her mother's addiction to sweet tea of course.

"You look like you need to talk to him." Ana looked at her mother gratefully. "I'm exhausted. I was up most of the night so I'm going to shower and sleep. Go and see him sweetheart." Her mother kissed her forehead before climbing off the bed and Ana grabbed her phone.

"Hello." He sounded tired and angry and she sat silent for a second with it. "Ana?" His voice had relaxed as did she.

"Hi. Can I come over?" She needed him and not only to cure the absence that she hated but also to talk to him about Tom. She could hear the wheels of his office chair and the sounds of rustled paper.

"Yes. I'll make lunch."

Christian sat in the kitchen after carefully trying to prepare one of the meals Gail had left for the weekend. Having Ana come over for lunch made him fucking frantic. She walked in and he stilled when he saw her. She was in cuffed ripped jeans, flats, and a pink zip up hoodie with her hair in a messy braid draped over her shoulder. He had never seen her so beautiful. She removed her sunglasses and his heart hurt when he saw that she had been crying. Her tone over the phone when she called didn't prepare him for this. She shrugged her shoulders at him as he stared for too long.

"I know, I look horrible. Just, can we please sit?" She sat exhaustedly on the couch and he joined her.

"You look beautiful Ana." She turned to him and offered a small side smile before looking at her hands.

"My mother is in town." She brought her legs up on the couch and crossed them. He couldn't believe she had come to him and he so desperately wanted to scoop her up and sit her on his lap.

"Everything okay?" She shrugged her shoulders again and looked at him with tears forming in her eyes.

"Do you think I should tell her about Tom?" He removed his gaze from hers and narrowed his eyes deep in thought. He understood why she didn't and yet he wondered if it would do her any good or just complicate her life more.

"I don't know Ana." Her blue eyes that were too large for her face looked at him in desperation. He wished he could give her an answer but it was something she would have to decide on her own.

"Would you ever tell your mother about Elena?" He loved the soft sweet tone of her voice that remained even when she spoke with full confidence and certainty. She had moved closer to him and without asking he pulled her close. If she didn't want to be held, she could pull away but her body welcomed his effortlessly. He was a god damn billionaire; holding a woman should be nothing yet her acceptance meant everything. Trying not to make a bigger deal out of it, he answered her question.

"No, I guess for the same reason as you." She nodded in his chest and he inhaled the familiar scent of coconut from her hair.

"My mother believes I'm my own worst critic." She was drawing circles with her finger on his wrist as she spoke.

"You are." He replied agreeing with her mother. It was evident and he had always known this. He just wondered if it was the first time she had actually realized this.

"I know. It was just much easier blaming it on everyone else." He smiled as he watched her eyes begin to close from exhaustion. Screw lunch.

"Let's go lie down." He kept his voice firm and clear of any sexual undertones. She climbed out of his embrace. He watched her walk gracefully to his room, her bare feet not making a sound on his floor. Fuck, she dizzied him, comforted him, and fucking aroused him and the combination of all three didn't scare him as it once did. He embraced it now, went with it, and rode the high she gave him even with just a simple change in outfit choice.

"What is this for?" She asked curiously as she eyed his suit hanging on his closet door.

"I have a dinner tonight." He replied as she stepped closer, her delicate hands grazing the lapels of the suit.

"With who and for what purpose?" He leaned against the door frame and eyed her quizzically. The question wasn't filled with jealous emotion, just pure curiosity but he figured that Ana's true emotion was located in subtext.

"Congressman Walker and Phillips. I'm meeting with them to see if I can convince them to offer some information on the new tax hike proposals on corporations." She didn't turn to him but simply removed the shirt and tie and disappeared into his closet. He waited and as she emerged with a new tie and shirt, he couldn't help but stray to the idea of marriage. _What the fuck Grey? _The way she hung the shirt and tie beneath the jacket had him enjoying the show. She stepped back to admire her new pick for him before finally turning to him with a strong gaze.

"One: you do not convince. You are Christian Grey and you demand." She looked him in the eyes and he realized what she was doing. Fuck, her confidence in him could fuel him forever and the knowledge she possessed of the dinners and events he had to attend almost forced him on one knee right there. "The solid red tie against the white shirt will demand their attention and state your presence powerfully. Two: pay more attention to Phillips. Walker is part of a family dynasty and votes based on their wishes. Phillips hates small talk. Be direct and leave them before dinner. It will send a stronger message and I know how much you hate dinners like that." He stood stunned as she had made her way into his bed. He climbed in behind her and she laid her head on his chest. Both knew their behavior was conflicting with their decided dynamic as friends but exhaustion and their true feelings negated it all; even the potential consequences.

"How did you know about Phillips and Walker?" He asked as he grazed her back with his fingers. Her eyes were closed and her breathing became more relaxed.

"Kate enjoys those parties and we both enjoy the topics of conversation. She can dissect a policy within ten minutes. It's also funny and interesting what people will converse about when they assume you can't comprehend the information. " _Kate, a pro in politics? Who the fuck knew? _Ana's fingers danced across the hard ridges of his abdomen and he could feel his dick grow hard just with the touch. It didn't surprise him as he had to adjust his pants twice since she showed up.

"Christian." Her soft spoken voice uttered sweetly giving him more to be aroused about.

"Hmm."

"Promise to be honest with me with whatever you're feeling and with what you want. I know you don't have the time or luxury to be with an insecure woman, so just my only demand is that you're honest." Her eyes were closed but he knew her request was well thought out.

"Ana, I promise and you have hid your insecurities well. I want you to share those with me." He moved a stray strand from her face giving him an obstructed view.

"My insecurities come from you hiding your true feelings from me; good or bad. I know you've been holding back. There will be business trips, late nights at the office, and nights you'll be living in your study. I acknowledge this but spending time alone here worrying if you're hiding something from me would be torture. Always remain your forward and brazen self with me, it's what drew me to you and it's what will keep me. I rely on it to know your still with me completely. Don't change because I have never asked you to." He smiled at her knowing she understood his lifestyle, his work, and him. Besides Kate, he was the only one that didn't treat her like a child and it was the first time she forwardly admitted that she liked it. It gave him exactly what he needed to hear, that she liked him as he was.

"I might scare you."

"I might like it." She replied before drifting off to sleep. He waited and entered a racing world of thoughts before coming to the conclusion that it was time to show her everything; the playroom and all it held. He couldn't question her strength now and even though their status was still undecided, they had made more progress in two days than they had in a month.

* * *

**Snippet for Chapter 13 of The Lion and The Dove. **

He watched her walk around the room anxiously, her eyes widening at some of his toys. Her fingers explored the tails of some of the floggers, twisting them and running them against the back of her hand. It turned him on almost fucking uncomfortably to watch her and just to be with her in this room. There were so many scenes running through his head that he had to take his stare away from her to calm them. She stayed at the floggers longer than anything else in the room.

"What do you do with these?" She asked curiously and he smiled.


	13. Chapter 13: Play Talk

_I have the next chapter written. I'm just fixing it up right now. Enjoy and let me know what you think. This is really a filler chapter but the big lemon or lemons are in the next. _

Chapter 13: Play Talk

Kate sat and ate awkwardly with Elliot shifting in his seat across from her making her even more uncomfortable. Fuck this.

"Did you invite me to apologize for last night?" She spat out to see him sigh in frustration at her.

"Actually yes, I did." _Oh. _She sat straighter as she sipped her water eyeing him and then returning her gaze to her water because his blue eyes did very naughty things to her. "I'm sorry for what I said last night. It was none of my business and I was just taking my frustration out on you." His words meant more to her than she expected although it truly wasn't the apology she was expecting.

"Thank you." She took a bite of her food and despised the silence. He was the only one that could make her question her confidence anywhere and she couldn't figure out why. Maybe he just questioned the façade of it?

"I'm sorry for that night too." His voice had grown quiet not as strong or charismatic as he usually spoke. She could feel how sorry he was and the sadness in his eyes told her just how sorry he really felt. Her leg was shaking viciously under the table as she tried to hold in the tears that were overwhelming her. "I've always liked you Kate and that day I spent it worried with my parents about Christian because he had dropped out of college that they forgot my birthday. I drank too much and I saw you and you looked beautiful. You wore that red strapless dress and I just craved you horribly. I'm sorry I left you that night and I'm sorry it has taken me this long to apologize." Her lip felt like it was quivering and her only response was an oncoming panic attack for some reason. "I've been ashamed of my behavior since that night and just thought you would never want to talk to me again. I also did feel jealous about you and Jared even though I have no right to." She bolted. It was quick and an immediate response that she thought her heart stopped beating until she hit the sidewalk. Six years of waiting for an apology and this was how she chose to respond. Her breathing was shaky as she searched either side of her for a way to escape and she chose the path with the least people. Was she really angry for his behavior the night he took her virginity or the night Jared took her against her will? She had to slow her pace because her breathing grew so ragged that her chest began to hurt.

"Jesus Kate." Elliot's voice boomed above the blood pulsing in her ears. God, this was fucking embarrassing. She dropped her head to her knees when the dizziness blurred her vision and her chest felt so tight like a vice on her lungs. Feeling a quick sweep of movement, she opened her eyes to see Elliot carrying her. He held onto her like she might blow away with the wind and for once she felt safe, felt right where she was. The feeling comforted her and scared the shit out of her. He placed her softly in the passenger seat where he kneeled and grabbed her hands. She couldn't look at him just simply stared at their hands entwined and let the image soothe her and bring her down from her panic attack. When her tears hit his fingers she looked up at him, his blue eyes searching for an explanation.

"I'm sorry." Her lip quivered even harder and her voice shook the same way.

"It's okay. I'm just worried." He squeezed her hands tighter and her heart fluttered when he did.

"I'm just exhausted." She couldn't think of anything else to say and it was honest.

"You've waited a long time for me to apologize. I'm sorry I didn't do it sooner." Her deep breath of relief confirmed his suspicion and he embraced her. Her chin rested on his shoulder and she hesitated to react before nuzzling her nose into his neck. The musky scent she inhaled cleansed the rest of her anxiety and she completely relaxed into him. Her heart slowed its racing speed and she was able to actually take a full breath. He pulled away and his hands grasped her face, wiping her tears with his thumbs. "I'm sorry okay. I'm so sorry." She nodded at him, butterflies desperate to escape her chest, and he kissed her. It was soft yet determined and it was as if she lost herself in it. He kissed her again dragging his bottom lip against her lips before bringing her forehead to his. She didn't know where they stood or what they were doing but within that moment she safe and she also felt ready to run.

* * *

Ana opened her eyes to a dimly lit room and she rolled to feel the absence of Christian. Still feeling exhausted yet much better than earlier, she rose from the sheets to see him sitting in a chair typing on his laptop.

"Hey." That heart stopping smile made her giggle a little. Obviously, she was still exhausted.

"Hi." She rubbed her eyes before watching him set aside his laptop and sitting on the side of the bed.

"There is something I need to show you. You want to know what I've been holding back?" She looked at him sleepily and nodded knowing that they both needed this.

"Okay." He held his hand out to her and she grabbed it allowing him to pull her up from the bed. Her heart began to race as she wondered what he could be showing her. Following him through the kitchen and up the stairs, they stopped outside of a door. He held a key and inserted it; opening the door to a dark room. His arm reached around the doorway where he switched on the lights that only dimly lit the room. Red. It was all red. A large king sized bed sat against the wall with what looked like red satin sheets and a cross stood in the corner.

"Um, what is this?" She looked at him confused and he took a deep breath before answering.

"It's where I bring my submissives." He answered and her heart skipped a beat, a couple actually. Her eyes darted around the room again before returning them to her.

"You have sex in here with them?" He didn't say anything but gave her a look that indicated she was right. Taking a few steps in, she noticed the restraints on the bed. _Don't panic. Don't panic. _She reiterated the mantra where she walked quickly to the dresser against the wall to steady herself. Her hand ran across the top of it trying to give him the impression she was still just exploring. As her breathing slowed and her confidence returned, she decided to open one of the draws. Big mistake, different sized fake penises were inside and she shut it quickly. She wasn't going to run. She asked him to give her this and she wasn't about to prove his suspicions right.

"Ana." His voice questioned with concern.

"I'm fine. " She muttered back feeling overwhelmed with all of it already. To her surprise though, her body wasn't filled with fear, the jealousy she felt blanketed it all. Thinking of him with another woman in here made her cringe in anger which even shocked her. Oh Jesus, the cross had restraints on it too. She looked back at Christian who just stood in the doorway watching her and she returned her gaze to the wall. There were several oddly shaped things hanging but she was drawn to one. Different patterned handles hung on the wall with strands of leather hanging from them. Some had knots, some had fur tails, and one even had small metal balls for the strands. Ignoring all but the leather, she went over and ran her fingers through the small slits of leather enjoying the feel of the rough yet smooth surfaces of it.

He watched her walk around the room anxiously, her eyes widening at some of his toys. Her fingers explored the tails of some of the floggers, twisting them and running them against the back of her hand. It turned him on almost fucking uncomfortably to watch her and just to be with her in this room. There were so many scenes running through his head that he had to take his stare away from her to calm them. She stayed at the floggers longer than anything else in the room.

"What do you do with these?" She asked curiously and he smiled. Walking forward, he came up behind her and took the flogger that she seemed to enjoy the feel of off the wall.

"Take off your sweatshirt." She eyed him and he could tell the wheels in her head were turning. Slowly unzipping the hoodie, she took it off and he grew even harder as she only had a tank top on underneath. Taking her arm and pulling it straight, he ran the tails of the flogger down her arm and she smiled as she watched it.

"That's it?" She looked at him in confusion and he laughed.

"It can be. It's a part of sensory play but is generally used to deliver some pain to release endorphins." Her eyes grew as what he said finally registered.

"You hurt women with that?"

"In a good way, in a way that they enjoyed." He replied to see her stare at the flogger as if she was trying to figure out how it all worked.

"And you enjoy this?"

"I have yes but not recently. " She gritted her teeth visibly and he cocked his head at her.

"This angers you?"

"Not this specifically but imagining you enjoying something sexually with another woman angers me. Is that normal?"

"I feel the same way about you." She gave him a look that he knew reminded him that he didn't have to worry about that. He was her first everything and she was untouched when she came to him. She looked back at the wall again now wincing at some of his toys as she knew what they were used for. He wanted to tell her that they didn't have to use those but he didn't want to assume that they would be doing anything in here.

"What do you enjoy about this room?" He returned the flogger to the wall and he led her to the sofa where he brought her to his lap.

"I enjoy the control but a dom/sub relationship is supposed to be about trust and about more of the connection. I have never felt that with any of them and I think that's why I continued. I was waiting for the one to give me that feeling that Dom's are supposed to feel." She looked up from his hands and snuggled closer to him.

"What does a sub do?"

"A sub relinquishes control to their Dom. How much control depends on what they both have agreed upon." He replied taking her still rhythmic breathing as a good sign.

"What did you and your subs agree upon?" He shifted a little uncomfortably and she placed her hand on his thigh stilling him. "Don't hold back."

"We agreed that she would be waiting on her knees by the door with her head down and hair braided." He could feel her fingers drag over his jeans as she clenched a fist and then let go giving him the sign to continue. "She was not to talk or look at me unless I gave her permission to. I would then perform a scene with her that involved toys and restraints that she agreed to." He knew not to go into detail especially with how jealous she seemed to be. It made him feel damn good to have her feel so possessive over him.

"Would you label me as submissive?" She whispered the question and looked at him in fear which he assumed she thought the answer would make or break them.

"In the bedroom, yes. You easily submit to me in bed but outside of that no. You are too controlled over your behavior." She glanced back down at her hands and he watched her nervously crack her knuckles.

"Could that work for you? I mean I don't want to be your sub and I don't want this to be our only form of sex but can I be your partner in here just with defined terms? " She gazed at him as if his answer defined the rest of their relationship and he could tell she didn't know how to feel about the label of a sub.

"Ana, any way I can have you would work for me. I don't need this if you don't want it. I'd give it all up for you." Her soft hands grazed his cheeks as she kissed him.

"If you enjoy this then I would like to at least see if I enjoy it too before making you give it up. I'm fairly certain that would lead to resentment. I just. I hate the color of the room and that other women have touched these things."

"I'll replace and renovate the entire room for you. We'll make it our own." He quickly spat out to see her smile at him in victory.

"I would like that." She straddled him now, running her fingers down his chest.

"You would huh?" He squeezed her ass and pulled her closer to him making her bite her lower lip. "Ana, you know what that does to me."

"I know." She smiled devilishly at him and he figured this was a part of her returning from the locked box that Tom had forced her into. Pulling her braid taut and jerking her head towards him, he bit at her chin playfully. A gasp of warm air hit his nose as he inched his lips towards her letting his teeth drag across her smooth skin, teasing her into desperation. And so easily, she did submit; her body completely melting into his as he imagined she was in a state of intoxication already. Her untouched and sensitive body reacted so overwhelmingly to his intensity.

"Fuck." He whispered as he felt her phone vibrate in her jeans. She pulled it out quickly and answered it keeping her chin pressed against his forehead. He ran his fingers under her tank top making her quiver as he did.

"Hello?" She answered and he could hear the loud sound of depressing music emanating from her phone and she sighed in frustration. No one said a word from the other line before she just replied. "I'll be right there." She hung up and looked at him apologetically.

"I'm sorry but I have to go home. Something is wrong with Kate." She kissed him softly much gentler than he would have kissed her a minute ago. Climbing off of him, she put her sweatshirt back on and they walked out of the room where he stopped to lock it. She grabbed his hand after he put the key back into his pocket.

"Thank you for sharing that with me."

"Thank you for staying." He pulled her close and kissed her forehead before following her back down the stairs.

After watching her leave, he went back into his room and gathered his phone to see his mother had called again. Remembering Elliot's guilt-ridden words, he decided it was time to call her back. He had always kept his parents at arms-length thinking that he would disappoint them less that way but obviously that wasn't the case.

"Oh Christian, I'm so glad you called." His mother's ragged voice echoed over the phone.

"I'm sorry for not answering and taking so long to return your calls." He spoke back, hearing a sigh of relief come from his mother.

"It's fine. I was just worried about you and Ana. There are rumors." She spoke with her overly concerned tone and generally he would be annoyed but he knew her feelings were innate none that either he or her could control.

"I know mother. I'm not sure how those started but we're fine. Ana just left actually." The last part surprised them both. He hadn't expected to tell her anything about his day.

"Oh. So you guys are okay then." She questioned and he had to think for a minute about where exactly they were at.

"I think so. I think I'm in love with her." He was twisting the sheet on his bed nervous to be telling his mother about this but other than Dr. Flynn, she was the only one he would tell right now.

"I can see why, she seems wonderful. That's good thing Christian." She commented and he contemplated hanging up but then opted to continue.

"I've hurt her and I'm afraid I'll hurt her again and what if she doesn't come back the next time." He finally released his biggest fear to a woman that had probably been waiting for this moment since she adopted him.

"Christian, you are going to hurt her again and she'll hurt you. There are varying degrees of hurt that you can inflict on someone and it almost always comes down to your intent and your communication." It took the pressure off; that it was a way of life and it comforted him to know that he trusted their communication now.

"Thanks Mom." He said quietly into the phone and he thought he heard the vague noises of her sniffling.

"Anytime honey." She spoke back.

* * *

Ana opened the door to her apartment to be bombarded by the voice of Ray Lamontagne and Kate's voice singing loudly to the music.

"Trouble Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble. Trouble been doggin' my soul, Since the day I was born" Ana noticed the almost empty bottle of wine on the coffee table with Kate laying on the couch, her eyes closed and a wine glass in hand. Dramatic as usual. Ana dropped her things on the counter before heading over to the couch and turning down the music.

"Kate, what happened? Did it go that bad with Elliot?" Kate smiled while shaking her head which was a little confusing.

"It went so well. He apologized and we kissed and it was beautiful." She slurred and Ana took the wine glass from her and placed it on the table. Moving closer she grabbed her hands.

"Kate, why are you listening to your depressing music? I thought today was going to be a good day." She questioned with deep concern even with full knowledge that this was normal for her. None of this shocked Ana but it did shock her when she supposedly had a seemingly perfect day.

"It's never going to work. Ever. Elliot and me. You and Christian." Brushing off the projection of feelings comment, she inched closer.

"What is going on Kate? Why wouldn't it ever work with Elliot?" Kate kept shaking her head making small resistant moans as if she was trying so hard to restrain herself. Ana just squeezed her hand harder knowing that Kate's extreme pain stemmed from something with him. It couldn't have been him taking her virginity especially if he apologized for his behavior afterwards.

"Jared." She finally screamed out and she burst into hysterical sobs. Bringing Kate into her chest she rocked her and ran her fingers through her hair offering comforting shushing noises.

"Jared? Who is that?" She questioned when Kate finally pulled away, her sobs becoming small cries. Ana watched her try and catch her breath as she wiped her tears.

"The weekend before I left for college, there was this party that celebrated everyone getting ready to leave. Elliot and his friends were there along with all of our other friends. I hadn't drank really before that and I was on my second cup of a vodka mixed drink when I started to feel a strong buzz." Ana's face was etched with concern as she watched Kate bring her knees to her chest and wrap her arms around them. Her gaze was focused on their windows and Ana's heart began to race as she realized the direction the conversation was heading. "Within ten minutes it all went downhill. I remember feeling groggy, so tired, and almost detached from myself like I was watching myself from a distance." Kate's lip quivered as she closed her eyes undoubtedly remembering that night. "Elliot's best friend Jared came up to me and he was so nice. He kept saying let me take you upstairs so you can lie down. I trusted him because he was Elliot's friend and I don't remember much after that just small blurry visions of him helping me to the bed upstairs and once my head hit the pillow, there's nothing else until the morning."

"You were date raped?" Kate's eyes quickly snapped to Ana's.

"I don't know. That's the problem." She broke down again and Ana tried to hold her tears in as she watched her best friend who was practically her sister sob horribly over what Ana knew was her controlling trauma. The trauma that has been aiding in her decisions since Ana had first met her. She inched closer and pulled her into her chest again. "It's been eating away at me since that day the fact that I don't know if I initiated anything, if I was just insanely drunk, or if he slipped me something. I could claw the walls with how fucking exasperating it all is." She screamed and Ana closed her eyes feeling the same anger she felt for Elena and now feeling it for Jared.

"What happened in the morning?" She asked and Kate pulled away again.

"He was still there, still in the bed with me and I felt like shit. Complete shit like I had been hit with a hangover and the flu at the same time. I climbed out of the bed and put my clothes back on. I wanted to sneak out but I stumbled when my feet hit the floor. He smiled at me and thanked me for the good time and I bolted. I went home and threw up. I literally was in bed sick for two days after that."

"You didn't go to the hospital to get tested?"

"No. Can you imagine what they would think after I tell them that I was drinking? I had worn this really short skirt in hopes to get Elliot's attention. What if I was just drunk? They wouldn't believe me. They probably would have just laughed at me."

"I believe you. I believe that he took advantage of you." She made Kate look her in the eye so she could see that someone believed her darkest secret and she knew that Kate knew also. She was just hiding in denial as they all did. The profound relief and gratitude at Ana's reassurance that something did happen to her made Ana see that she needed to hear that. "You believe this too. It's not yours or Elliot's fault that this happened. Don't let Jared hold this much power over your relationship with Elliot. Don't push him away and quit searching for reasons to do so." If this wasn't their usual dynamic where they were always brutally honest with each other, then she might have felt bad about what she was saying but this is why they had been best friends for so long. As always too, it was much easier to serve advice than to take it. Look at how long she had let Tom affect her life.

"I'm scared. Everything is changing with you and me and with Elliot. We've never had to share each other. This sounds stupid but I'm afraid I'm losing you and you know that you're my security blanket. I can't be alone."

"Kate, I love you. You are a sister to me and I would do anything for you. We will always need each other but we are moving forward. We can no longer enable each other to stay here in this position. We are moving forward." And that's exactly what they had been doing, enabling each other.

"Okay. "

"I'll always be here for you. I love you. Forever and always."

"Forever and always." They curled up next to each other on the couch as they held hands knowing that both of their lives from that moment on were changing.

"Can we do anything about Jared?"

"No. It's been too long." She whispered.

"That is why you don't drink when you go out." She nodded.

"Where is my mother?"

"She's out with my mother." They both sat in silence again and Ana hated it.

"Let's dance." She spat out and Kate looked at her surprised. "I liked it at the club so let's just make our own club." Kate jumped up excitedly and poured the rest of the wine into a glass for Ana before changing the Pandora station. A song she didn't recognize came on but she went with it anyway. They started dancing and laughing and then dancing some more. She let her hair free and they danced their stress and exhaustion away; her body moving in embarrassing ways but she didn't care.

Climbing into bed together again for the second night in a row, Kate fell asleep before her and she picked up her phone to feel somewhat hurt Christian hadn't called so she dialed his number.

"Ana." He answered directly and the smooth deep sound of his voice relaxed her like a first sip of wine.

"Hi. I was wondering how your dinner went?" She let her phone rest on her ear as she lay on her side.

"It went good. I did just as you said and I got a phone call within twenty minutes of leaving the dinner." She grinned at the success and his victorious tone of voice as he spoke.

"Good. So you've been home for a while?" She tried to hide the disappointment from her voice that he hadn't called her.

"Yes. I'm in bed working. How's Kate?" She looked over to Kate who was fast asleep.

"She's in my bed for the second night in a row but I think she's better tonight."

"That's strange."

"It's normal for us."

"I'm jealous." She giggled a little.

"Don't be. I've only ever been yours."

"I know. Tired?"

"Yes. I miss your bed."

"Come over." She couldn't help but smile like a teenager who was sneaking a phone call at midnight when her curfew was ten.

"I wish. I need to stay here tonight. Talk to me about what you're working on."

She listened to him talk about his mergers and acquisitions and how he was being represented by six different people in four different countries. His voice became her true focus, the deep melodic tone of it soothing her.

"Falling asleep?"

"I think so." She said sleepily, moving the phone to rest better on her ear.

"Good night."

"No. I want to talk some more." She could hear the rustling of papers and the closing of his laptop.

"Okay. What do you want to talk about?"

"You pick."

"Tell me about your mother." She wondered if he asked this in preparation of probably meeting her this week.

"Well her and my father had me when they were 18. They were high school sweethearts. He loved her and would have given her the moon but she wanted to be the moon. A small town was never her scene and she hated it. She was the kind of woman that wanted to be seen and to be significant and my father couldn't give her that."

"Is that what you want?" He asked and she shook her head even though he couldn't see her.

"I have never wanted the moon and the stars, just someone to enjoy them with."


	14. Chapter 14: Love at Last

_It's here. Sorry for any mistakes, I'm trying to get this up so I can take a short hiatus. I have mid-terms. Enjoy. Let me know what you think as always and I hope it meets expectations! The song featured in this chapter is Ray Lamontagne- Let it Be Me. This is all Ana and Christian this chapter. Kate and Elliot return in the next one. _

Chapter 14: Love at Last

"Oh, Anastasia Rose Steele, you look absolutely stunning." Her mother spoke in reverence as she zipped up her dress. Christian had a change of heart about attending his mother's benefit for her hospital tonight and her mother eagerly took on the task today of finding her a dress in time. If it wasn't for the Diet Coke and Sweet Tea she kept giving her mother, she might have snapped at her. Probably not, but she would have thought about it.

"Thank you Momma." She smiled at her and her mother shook her head returning from her thoughts and stepping out of the way.

"Christian will not be able to keep his hands off you." Her words filled with her southern twang and Ana just rolled her eyes. She wore a strapless pink dress that had a floral detail on the a-line skirt. Her hair was pinned up with stray strands falling into her face and her usual makeup artist had been bold today with a smoky eye that only enhanced her blues. She heard the knock on the door and they both turned; her mother fixing the hair in her face. Ana grabbed her clutch and then proceeded to the door. Opening it, she was greeted with the beautiful statuesque figure of Christian in a tuxedo. He looked undoubtedly handsome and she was glad she kept the door half-closed so that her mother couldn't see the way he was looking at her.

"Come in. I'd like you to meet my mother." He gave her a smirk before walking in; her mother was beaming at him. "Christian this is my mother Carla May Wilks. Momma, this is Christian Grey." She held her hand out and he hugged her. He actually hugged her before offering a kiss on the cheek. Cocking her head at him, her eyes narrowed before she smiled again. He was such a charmer when he wanted to be.

"So nice to meet you Carla." Ana knew his use of his mother's first name would undo her mother. She hated being called ma'am or Mrs. Wilks and so easily did her mother fall for it.

"It is so nice to meet you. You're much more handsome than I could have ever imagined." Her mother was blushing. The beautiful woman who rarely blushed with complements had rosy cheeks just from his presence. Maybe his effect was genetic?

"Ana hasn't done you justice in describing you at all." _Oh my god. _"We better be on our way. My mother is impatiently waiting our arrival." She nodded at him attempting very cautiously to refrain from laughing.

"Have a nice time. I'll be spending the evening at Kate's mothers." She replied as Ana offered a quick hug and a kiss on her cheek.

"Okay, you too." Grabbing Christian's hand, they walked down to the lobby where he kept grazing the nape of her neck with his thumb. As they climbed into the back of his Bentley, Taylor quickly pulled away from the sidewalk.

"You look absolutely amazing." He spoke smoothly running his fingers up her forearm.

"As do you." She beamed at him and she leaned over to kiss him softly.

The Arctic Club was beautifully decorated as they entered, receiving odd looks which told them the rumors were still swirling. Keeping her head held high, she planned on giving them no hint of discomfort when the Drapers approached. Christian's hand gripped her waist tighter and he kissed her temple before they began the scene of inauthentic conversations.

"Christian and Ana, you two make one beautiful couple." Mrs. Draper's very high pitched voice resonated within her ears. Ana took the lead knowing she had much better tolerance than him.

"Thank you so much. I was informed of your daughter expecting. Congratulations are in order." It moved the conversation completely to them, leaving her and Christian to just stand and listen. The speaker interrupted their conversation fortunately, and they made their way to the table. Kate sat excitedly next to Elliot and Ana couldn't remember the last time she had seen her so genuinely happy.

"Ana, I am so glad that you could make it. I'm quite certain that you aided in Christian changing his mind about tonight." Grace looked beautiful in her floor length canary yellow gown.

"He decided all on his own. I was unaware of this benefit until this morning when he called." Grace moved her loving gaze to Christian who could only meet her eyes for a second before bringing them back to his wine.

"Thank you anyway." Grace whispered into her ear.

Dinner and donations surpassed them all quickly as all four of them stood in the lobby. Elliot and Christian parted ways with their parents offering quick embraces. There was obvious tension between the two which Kate and her departed quickly out to the street to avoid.

"Elliot, just let me apologize." Christian spoke exasperatingly as they made their way out to the street.

"You don't apologize. You're Christian Grey remember." Elliot stopped when he neared Kate and turned to stop Christian before they brought the argument any closer.

"I said something extremely offensive. I'm sorry." Christian tried and Ana watched him with a sympathetic look knowing that this wasn't at all in his character but she was proud of him.

"Of course you are. Take care of your fucking mommy issues Christian. You weren't the only one that was adopted remember?" Elliot spat out before standing at Kate's side and she grabbed his arm as they walked towards his car. Christian shot her a look and she joined him as they climbed into his. He withdrew and kept his gaze at the window.

"Christian." She uttered softly as she placed her hand on his. "He'll come around. I didn't realize you were adopted." She questioned in disbelief and he grew angry quickly as soon as she broached the subject. He had held more from her than she originally thought.

"Yes." He snapped shortly and she kept her hand firmly placed on his. She wouldn't push herself onto him or force him to talk about it so she kept quiet giving him the control of how their conversation will continue if at all. Silence passed and she watched the buildings they passed with hope that he would open up more now. "She was a drug addict." He finally spoke with a casual tone as if the topic was as normal as dinner choice. She realized the extent of his detachment from his birth mother.

"That's horrible for you both." His head broke away from the window with intense speed and his eyes narrowed at her.

"What do you mean both?" He shouted at her and even though her heart raced at his tone, she kept his stare. "She was a drug addict, a whore who slept with men to keep up with her habit, and she didn't do jackshit when her pimp was beating me. I watched him beat her and I watched her die. How dare you feel sorry for her?" He was getting even more riled up and she noticed Taylor's eyes meet hers in rearview mirror with a look of concern. She gave him a small nod to let him know she was fine. His anger made her heart race and she didn't know when it happened that she trusted him not to take it any farther. "You want no restraint Ana?"

"Yes Christian. I would like you to throw it all out there." His fists were clenched now and his jaw pulled taut.

"All those subs that I have. I picked them all specifically to look like her and I punished them to punish her. How fucked up is that?" Therapist speak. She remembered her therapist telling her a similar thing. She punished herself and her parents by withdrawing not allowing them in or herself out. He pulled his hand out from under hers and withdrew even more into the corner of the vehicle. Another bout of silence passed between them as she went through all of the information he had just given her. It made sense. Logically she understood his escape through his subs; his way to gain control and then his way to punish a woman consensually but he also failed to enjoy it. It was a means to an end and she wanted to free him from it.

"I um was visiting one of the community centers we run for the Gang Violence Organization. As I was leaving, I noticed this woman and she was crying." His chest was still rising and falling with short intense spurts from his anger but she kept going. There was no need to censor herself and if that's the type of relationship he wanted, then at least she found out now. "I took her out for a coffee thinking she looked like she needed a friend. Anyway, she was at the community center watching her son play basketball. She was a drug addict and had been clean for a year. She spoke about the continual guilt she felt when she watched the pain her son had to endure because she was high. Spending their grocery money on food leaving him starving would drown her in guilt. She described it as a knife being inserted into her heart the first time she got high and every time she saw her life clearly, her son's pain clearly; it would twist and she would crave a way to make it disappear. I asked her why she wasn't with her son now that she was clean and she said she refused to put him through that again and because she deserved the ultimate pain of watching her son from a distance." He shook his head with indifference but she continued. "What I am trying to say is that your mother I'm sure felt that same guilt. She was at the mercy to a drug that controlled her life. She was punished by him as he hit her. She was punished by the guilt she felt about the pain you had to endure, she was punished by needing to sleep with men for money that probably did awful things to her too. The way she died was punishment and if she had to see the long lasting effects of her decision to get high that very first time on you, I'm sure that would be punishment too. Don't you think you both have been punished enough? And if not that is a completely acceptable answer too." She watched his shoulders drop and his fists open. His chest had slowed its rise and fall and she could sense he might have actually understood what she was trying to do.

"She was beautiful." He spoke quietly still keeping his stare out the window. She relaxed as she could feel his anger disappearing with every second that passed. Finally, there were no secrets between them, nothing. They stood on equal footing and on a strong base to build something magnificent and beautiful on.

"I'm sure. Look at the beautiful man she created." He finally turned to her and she could tell that his anger had dissipated into pain.

"I loved her and I hated her." Tears were forming in his eyes and she leaned over and unbuckled his seat belt.

"Come here." Guiding his head into her lap she ran her fingers through his soft copper colored hair. "However you feel about her is justified and you shouldn't feel guilty about it either way. I was just trying to offer you an escape from your anger." He relaxed more as she began to massage his head.

"I know. Thank you for not running."

"I would only run to you anyways." He sat back up and he grabbed her hands.

"I love you Ana." Oh, she felt the overwhelming need to cry as her heart expanded to fill her entire body with happiness. What she would give him that was only his was her virginity and the equivalent of that was his love for her.

"I love you." He smiled a broad smile, one that could motivate her happiness forever. He kissed her, his lips gliding softly across hers, and he held her face with his confident hands. She loved the fact that he believed her that his eyes were open and he could feel just how much she cared about him. He finally knew he was worthy and she did too.

They walked out of the elevator and into his room with her head resting on his shoulder. The night had turned out be more exhausting than anything but she wanted him tonight. His scent turned her on and the way his hand kept creeping lower on her hip aroused her even more. He left her side as they made it into his room and she walked into his closet to find a hanger for her dress when she stopped at the mirror. Standing in front of the mirror, she looked content and happy. She could smell him before she saw him come up behind her.

His fingers slid in between her skin and the dress holding it taut as he slowly unzipped it and he watched her reflection admiring the way she closed her eyes at his touch. Her dress dropped to the floor to reveal her delicate and beautiful body and their eyes met in the mirror. There was no fear, no sadness, and she smiled at him giving what he knew was her permission to take her completely. He would remember this exact moment, every feature of her face, and the first moment he felt high off of someone's trust-her trust. Fuck, he never wanted anyone as much as he wanted her in this moment. His cock was straining against the fabric in his pants and his fingers danced over the contours of her hips sending her into the submissive trance he usually did.

"Don't hold back." She whispered and smiled at him emanating strong warmth that had him exhaling relief.

He kissed the nape of her neck trailing kisses across her shoulder before turning her around quickly. Grabbing her chin, he forced it upwards bringing his lips to her neck. A soft exhale of air left her as he nipped at her skin with his teeth. He lined her jaw with his teeth loving the soft moans she was making and the rapidity of her breathing. His hands were squeezing her ass and she swayed when he bit at her chin making him pull her close. She unwound more at the feel of his hard cock against her, her moan letting him know she was craving him. He wanted to ravage her, take her completely, and he planned to do so with great care. Biting all around her lips, she writhed within his embrace; her breaths now ragged. Her coconut scent filled his nose, intensifying his dizzying intoxication. The soft plumpness of her lips grew as he kissed her and she moaned into his mouth; the warm air exciting him more. Wrapping her arms around his neck, he loved the feel of her skin against his- he loved her. His tongue dragged against hers driving her to an extreme fervor.

"I want you." She uttered breathlessly as her hands dropped to his belt. His heart was racing in excitement and his breathing had become ragged also. As his pants dropped to the floor he hooked his finger under her chin drawing her back up. Taking her mouth again, he gripped her ass and hoisted her up, her legs snaking around him instinctively.

"God Ana." The way she pulled at his bottom lip with her teeth had him hissing through gritted teeth. Laying her gently on the bed, he kissed her again; her fingers grazing his cheeks gently. Her soft touch calmed him bringing an even stronger intimate feeling to the joining of their lips. He turned her over, nipping at her shoulder as he began to pull the pins from her hair. Thick strands of her brown hair fell to frame her face and decorate her back and the anticipation had both of them struggling to catch their breaths. The simple sight of her on his bed gave him what he had been searching for in his weekends with his subs. He found the high that complete trust, a profound trust that only she could give him with her love and now her body hit him with an overwhelming flood of happiness. Unhooking her bra, he let his mouth roam freely; his tongue dancing across her pale skin. He loved the feel of her body's quiver with each warm lick he gave her and the shudder of her breath. Sliding his arm under her stomach, he moved it up gripping her neck gently and pulling her up. The light weight of her dainty body floated within his grip towards him and he grazed the soft column of her neck up to her chin pushing her head back. Her glazed blue eyes stared at him in admiration and her lips parted as he ran his fingers over them. She welcomed his kiss with her tongue and he turned her over gently continuing his ravaging of her mouth. Taking his mouth, he crept his tongue down her neck and across her collarbone making her moan louder. He was uncomfortably hard now, throbbing, but he knew he'd find his sweet release soon. Her nipple in his mouth enlarged as he licked it, fucking taking the tip of it between his teeth and applying pressure. He took her other nipple into his mouth as she began panting and he slid his fingers under her panties.

"Oh God." The hitches of stolen breath with her words had him running his hands up and down her sex, spreading how wet she was already. Her hips were grinding against his hand and he let his mouth move lower. Ripping her panties off, he licked her once as she gripped his hair tighter.

"Please!" She begged and he gave her what she wanted. He would always give her what she wanted. She moaned louder as he sucked and licked her clit harder and he could feel her grow close. Taking his fingers, he drove them in slowly; placing his hand on her stomach to calm her some. In and out he moved them; massaging her g-spot when he reached the curve inside her. Her hands were fisting the sheets when he rose up from her. She captured his face and pulled his lips to her, her hand running down the hard skin of his abdomen to the band of his boxers. She grasped him and he bit at her shoulder in pleasure.

She would always remember how thick and long he was and how it grew harder within her hand as she stroked him. God, his fingers inside her were just not enough anymore. She wanted him, needed all of him. He bit her shoulder and she loved how much he enjoyed her. The loving grazes of his teeth paired with the raw sexuality he covered her with. She raised her hips against his thick shaft, gliding against him in desperation.

"Fuck Ana." She shivered as he said it, as she heard the gratification of her pleasing him. In a second he was completely naked and she drank all of him in as if she had just been quenched of her thirst during a drought. The hard lines of his abs and those beautiful pelvic bones that formed a v left her breathless. He was staring at her with all the sexual intensity he could emit. He grabbed a condom from his side table and positioned himself between her legs, spreading them abruptly and domineeringly. The way he held himself and placed the condom on was extremely arousing more than what she had ever expected. His lips came back down on hers as he ran himself against her sex, her folds inviting him and she moved to get him inside her. She was no longer scared, only needy to have him inside her. They were encased in an atmosphere of sexual energy that touched every nerve ending he sensitized just with his presence. She felt hypnotized by it; by him. He pushed himself inside her slowly, inching in and distracting her with his tongue on her neck.

"Ana?" A deep growl questioned her as he returned to the lavish torture he was placing all over her neck.

"Please keep going." She pleaded and he did, filling her with himself and heat. Heat flooded her enough to where she now nipped at his shoulder with her teeth making him growl again with pleasure. Vaguely feeling pain, she moved to welcome him more. A short burst of pain dissipated as quickly as it had come once he filled her completely. Tears sprung free at the moment, at the still lingering discomfort of having him inside her.

"Are you okay?" Those beautiful and hypnotic gray eyes searched hers for any doubt.

"I am right where I belong; here with you-completely." He kissed her again withdrawing energy from her and returning it ten-fold. He slowly pulled out of her and they both moaned deliciously as he did relishing the feel of him against the warm walls of her sex.

"Oh God." She panted as he withdrew completely biting her lip and as quickly as she did, he took it from her shoving his tongue into her mouth and thrusting into her again making her arch into him, her nipples touching his chest. She looked into his eyes and saw everything, all of him completely unguarded and he was hers and only hers in this way just as she was his.

He could barely breathe with how tight she felt around him. The warmth of her entirety surrounding him, giving him what he's never had before: love. Ecstasy is what she felt like; physically and emotionally she filled him completely. Their bodies moved fluidly, her ocean colored eyes lost in a trance. She had completely submitted, allowing him to lead their journey. She was pushing away; her hands clawing at the sheets beneath him and her moans turning into small cries.

"It's too much." He pinned her arms above her head, slowing his speed, and bringing her focus back.

"Ana, look at me." Her eyes snapped to him and he could feel the rapid rise and fall of her chest; her nipples grazing his chest again. "Everything will be okay. Ride it out and it will be beautiful. I promise. Just keep your eyes on me." She nodded her head at him and he kept her arms pinned as he slowly rolled his hips into her. Her thighs spread more for him, as he drove in deeper slowly and then picking up his pace. Her sex clutched him as she was getting close again and he held his breath to restrain himself. Being in complete control, her delicate body writhing under his embrace had him addicted to her even more than what he already was. She was so close, but fighting it and he leaned down and kissed her gently not wanting to overwhelm her more. He dipped his tongue in massaging hers and she began to contract around him making him hiss into her mouth.

"Ana, come. Come now baby." He whispered seductively and let go of her arms to let her come any way she wanted. As soon as he felt her vibrate around him and her uncharacteristic loud cries fill the bedroom, he lost himself in her. The high reverberated through his entire body, his mind getting lost within all the nerve endings firing excitedly. He found her in that prairie field and she was right, he felt safe there with her and everything was just as it should be. Not once had he ever orgasmed like this or had sex with anyone he felt so connected to. It was beautiful…she was beautiful. As they both recovered, he stared at her; loving the look of her sweat-ridden hair falling in her face and like a painter he decorated her body with kisses. She was the world's most beautiful canvas and she was all his. The only noises of the room were their breaths and she threaded her fingers through his hair as he kissed her stomach.

"That was perfect." She whispered and he cleared the hair from her forehead before placing a kiss. He had moved her onto his chest where she nuzzled into his neck.

"I love you." He told her and he felt her cheeks on his chest move letting him know that she was smiling.

"I love you too." She replied with what he thought was the first time he felt complete.

"Would you like me to run you a bath?" He asked her and she shook her head.

"I'd prefer a shower." He rolled out from under her where she slowly stood and she noticed the blood on the sheets.

"I'll change those." He told her to see her drop her shoulders in relief and he kissed her forehead. "Don't worry about it."

He turned the water on and adjusted the temperature as she walked in naked and he stilled as she stared at herself in the mirror. God damn it, she could ruin him and he would still love her.

"It's ready. I'll wash you." He spoke dominantly. She walked past him and stepped into the shower where he followed her in. It's what he loved about her most that she understood his need for control and she gave it freely in the bedroom and now. He knew better to demand it anywhere else and he honestly didn't feel the need to. She controlled herself enough for the both of them. He grabbed the shampoo first where he massaged it into her hair; her eyes closed and her mouth parted as she adored it. After he rinsed the conditioner from her hair, he grabbed the washcloth gently starting at her shoulders and working his way down. She never took her eyes off of him, she just watched intently and admiringly. As he moved back up her legs, he looked up through the droplets of water to see her biting her lip and that did him in. He pushed her against the wall and threw her leg over his shoulder as he took her clit into his mouth. Sucking wildly, she began to move her hips against him and the sensuality of it almost had him coming right there. Fuck, he wanted her and he stood to kiss her, his tongue giving her a taste of herself. Already she was relaxed, ready for whatever he wanted.

He pulled away as she smiled at him, her hooded lids dripping water looked down at his cock and she dropped to her knees. She took him into her mouth the way that he had taught her and it felt like fucking heaven. Stroking him just as she knew he liked it, her tongue fluttered as it usually did and then slowed into long licks from her tongue. He was fisting her hair now getting to the point where he couldn't take it anymore. He drew her back up and pinned her arms against the wall making her gasp in pleasure. He bit at her chin, grazed his teeth all around her lips before letting her kiss him again. It always drew her into a hypnotic frenzy and always made her so wet. Finally taking her lips, he drove into her and her bottom lip drug against his as she threw her head back.

"Yesssss." She hissed and he didn't know if he'd ever get used to how tight and hot she was around him. She gripped his neck with her hand to steady herself and he thrust deeper and faster. His grunts were deep and desperate as the ecstasy moved through his veins igniting him more. Her forehead fell against his as she grew close, her panting breath hitting his lips and he drove even harder making her scream his name. The sound: the mix of pleasure and desperation had him coming with her. She took from him everything, draining him completely and she bit her bottom lip in pleasure. He never expected her to be so wild but she was. She didn't hold back when she orgasmed and he fucking loved it-he craved it. Collapsing onto him, he moved them both under the water until she recovered.

Sitting in his library in silk shorts and a tank that he had bought her, she heard the door open and he appeared with a tray of food. She had started Ray Lamontagne on the sound system craving the sound of his voice. He settled under the blanket with her and she moved some of the books she had been exploring. As exhausted as her body felt from his bed and shower, her mind was too awake. She was too giddy after they made love. The way he made her suspend in time when she orgasmed was indescribable. It was different much deeper and more intense than any that she had before. He was the same way, she could tell by how unusually relaxed he was. He was always more relaxed with her than anyone else but he was different now. She took the grapes from the tray and began to eat them, smiling too brightly at him.

"You've had a good night Ana." It wasn't a question but more of a statement.

"Yes, I have. You're different tonight." She commented and he nodded his head in agreement.

"You've freed me." He replied back and she looked at him with confusion. "You helped free me tonight from the anger I felt towards my mother and from the guilt I felt about being so angry at her. It's removed a lot of weight." She loved how open he was being and that he could breathe easier now. It was always a struggle to lose your anger but once you did, life didn't feel so suffocating anymore.

"We don't all pick the best escapes. I'm glad I could help though. I'll always help you if you ever need it." He returned to his usual confident self as he lay between her legs and she knew that was the end of it for tonight. Her eyes grew wide as her song came on, the one that she listened to as she imagined dancing at her wedding. It was childish and something she had never told anyone.

"What are you grinning about?" He asked as he smirked at her.

"It's just I really love this song." He quickly stood taking the tray of food that divided them and held his hand out. She placed her hand in his easily remembering the first time they met when they danced at the Coping Together Benefit. How times have changed. He pulled her close and her head met his chin where she placed her hand on his chest and they danced. The simple sway had her closing her eyes and tears formed. It wasn't the etiquette they both had been raised with; it was natural for them both and instinct. It was love.

_And when all your faith is gone_

_Feels like you can't go on_

_Let it be me_

_Let it be me_

_If it's a friend that you need_

_Let it be me_

_Let it be me_

She moved her stare from him and to the lined walls of books as her cheek rested against his chest. It's funny. If he were a book, she wondered if she would have ever picked it to read. He was a book she never thought she would read but he was the book she had been searching for. Tattered pages to her broken spine and their appearance didn't matter because their content was a masterpiece.

* * *

**AN: **No baby was conceived during this chapter! So sorry about that mistake. I simply got carried away with writing the scene and wasn't aware of the lack of protection until reviewers pointed it out which Thank you by the way! Please don't let that be defining moment of this chapter. Not at all what I wanted!


	15. Chapter 15 Feels Like Rain on a Tin Roof

_Midterms are over! Thank you all for your kind reviews. You all rock! Enjoy! _

Chapter 15: Feels Like Rain on a Tin Roof

The creamy color of her dress stood out in the mirror against the dark green walls of Kate's bathroom. She told Elliot that she would only be gone for a couple of minutes but it had to be at least ten that she stared at herself in the mirror. The bright red color that decorated her lips fell close to that of a fire-engine and she traced them gently with her fingers, dipping into the small crevasse that fell between her upper lip and her nose and she struggled to reign in her emotions. As excited as she felt in the beginning of the night, it quickly turned to anxiety as the momentousness of having Elliot in her apartment hit. Six years since she had lost her virginity to him and she couldn't remember how many more that she had loved him. A dark cloud hung over her, filled with insecurities and inappropriate coping mechanisms just waiting to soak their moment and she figured she would make it physical when her tears appeared like rain. Eventually, that existed as the outcome. She could feel it. A light tap at the door had her eyes abruptly focus on the wood that separated them.

"Kate. Are you okay in there?" If his voice had a visible frequency, she imagined it following a small curve of comfort and concern. It would of course be blue. For some reason she imagined it a blue wavelength as his tone was deep and commanding that way.

"I'll be right out." She met the mirror again almost with disgust at what she had put herself through the past years and at what she managed to project herself as. Who loves a girl who dumbed herself down to match expectations? She didn't. The smudges on the mirror that flawed her faced seemed so perfectly well placed that she imagined herself that way. This was her true reflection. God damn it, the thoughts raced so fast that she was hardly able to keep up, to take each one and expand on them before lying to herself in the end and promising to fix it all later. That day never came. She kept procrastinating.

Everyone always questioned why she couldn't be alone, well here it was. The speed of her thoughts could rival that of a lion chasing its dinner and she needed it to stop. If she thought any more, she would drown herself in enough terrible memories to kill the entire night and as damaged as she was, she was just as selfish sometimes. She wanted Elliot and if being wealthy and beautiful taught her anything, it was that she received more than she had to give…even if what she was receiving was unwanted.

She shut her mind off as her fingers worked quickly to remove her dress. The damn thing was suffocating and it was more fabric than she had worn in years probably. The boat-neck neckline and long sleeves lessened her sex appeal and she wanted to appear different for Elliot, someone that he would be proud to take to his parents but there was no hiding what she was now. Thank fuck that she had learned the art of hiding your insecurities. In fact, she believed everyone held insecurities and she couldn't decide if she liked the people brave enough to show them or the ones strong enough to hide them. She, personally, decided to never let anyone see them affect her in a way that weakened her, granted; having an anxiety attack in front of Elliot failed that plan miserably. Without thought, the action that came so easily with routine, coping mechanisms, she hung her dress up and neglected the sweats she had set on her sink. In just her cream lace strapless bra and thong, she opened the door to see Elliot looking at the books that lived in her bookcase. He stood his shoulders wide and built, intently pulling out books and scanning the pages.

"You read all these? Your notes in the textbooks are insane." He spoke reverently and she felt a genuine twinge of happiness at his realization to be followed with a twinge of sadness that she led people to be surprised at such things.

"You seemed surprised?" He shook his head before looking up at her.

Holy fucking shit. He wished he could believe he was gentleman enough to stay focused on her face but the temptation to draw his attention elsewhere became too overwhelming. God made her with very naughty thoughts in mind as he admired the curves that had only gotten better over time. If raw sex was bottled and then uncapped to form something corporeal, it would hastily appear as Kate Kavanagh. Those eyes were made to devour and her lips were made to lick the damn plate clean.

Her blonde waves draped her shoulders as she leaned against the doorframe of the bathroom and his cock now throbbed. He wished so badly that he could pin her against that doorframe, rip that thong off, and make her scream his name but for some god forsaken fucking reason, he returned the book to its shelf and motioned her over to the bed. He knew what she was doing, what she was looking for. They were similar in this way except he had a lot of making up to do and he wasn't about to fuck it up now with sex as a cure all. He had been doing it for too long and honestly, he was tired. He only had enough energy at the moment to hate Christian and the rest he wanted to comfort her in the right way; remind her that he admired her for more than that exquisite and sensual beauty of hers.

"I'm not surprised. Come here." He motioned towards the bed and she smirked with heated expectation. Pulling back the covers, she moved those hips with deadly expertise that would have a woman staring and a man drooling. His tie loosened easily as he had been pulling at it nervously with the more time she spent in that damn bathroom and he draped his jacket on her desk chair. She sat on the edge of her bed, her creamy olive tone a wonderful contrast from her dark brown sheets, and she glanced up from hooded lids that penetrated his cock but it penetrated his heart first. She always did, he just never had enough trust in himself not to hurt her because what little he had left after pleasing his parents to distract from their worries wanted nothing more than a quick fuck from women that would praise him for it.

"Lie down." He ordered and she did as he asked not shocking him that she obeyed so easily. Her aggressiveness existed in all forms, with her seductive glances and the fact that she came out of that bathroom the way she did. He unbuttoned his shirt, his fingers in no hurry and she watched him with her head resting on her propped elbow. Engraving the very vision of her as she was into his mind, he almost fell to his knees begging for forgiveness for the way he treated her their first night. He left his boxer briefs on before climbing into her bed and pulling the covers up to refuge them both. Her long elegant fingers trailed the protruding lines of his collarbone as he kissed her softly, taking her face within his hands and gripping it tightly.

"Kate. No." He whispered before guiding her head to rest on his chest. She fit perfectly within his embrace, the top of her head melding into the dip beneath his chin. She smelled of spice and citrus, an intoxicating scent that he inhaled with great ease. He could feel her discomfort at the change of her plans but he held her close. Real intimacy frightened them both more than the false intimacy they found within strangers.

"I'm not surprised that you read those or at the detailed notes you had." He could feel her shift in surprise but she quickly recovered as she moved back into place. "I know how intelligent you are." A few short breaths left her in rapid spurts as he vaguely felt a small tear run down his chest and ribs.

"I'm sure."

"I know how much you enjoy politics and how strongly you crave knowledge just like a shark craves blood." It was the perfect analogy for her. She had the mind of a shark and the appetite of one when it came to life especially knowledge. He hated that she didn't draw blood when she bit though at least not when it came to those who didn't know her better.

"I enjoy the craving more than the draw." Well, wasn't that true for many things.

"I think you punish yourself by disallowing yourself the reward of the draw. I do the same thing."

"Is that what you're doing now? Refusing sex from me to punish yourself? I forgive you." She propped herself on her elbow again as she looked up at him.

"No Kate. Any way that I can have you is a reward." She didn't respond but simply laid her head back down on his chest.

"I wish I could believe you. I want to so horribly but you don't know how damaged I am, how damaged this body is." He threaded his fingers through her hair and wondered at what point she became so broken.

"When?"

"When what?"

"When did you lose yourself?"

"Someone else lost me."

"Who did you give that much power to?" Indistinctly, he saw her brows furrow as if she never viewed it that way or it hurt to come to such a realization. Whatever it was, had to be painful to silence Kate and it pained him to be in the dark but all too well he knew how hard it was to penetrate another's secret because of Christian. Walls built because of secrets exist only as a one way street that only the holder could travel. Her eyes closed as he grazed his fingers down her spine, her breathing becoming an even pace and he drifted off with her.

"Noooooo. I don't feel good." Elliot opened his eyes in a haze as he rolled over and looked at his phone. Jesus, 7 am. He hadn't slept that soundly in years. Thank God it was Sunday. He turned over to see Kate mumbling more gibberish and he felt amused until he saw her face. Her eyes were clenched shut so tight that it pained him to see.

"Something's wrong with me. Something is in my drink." She groaned out before she shook her head violently and her arms were pushing at her waist as if trying to rid something. "Don't touch me please. Please find Elliot." She whimpered. He stilled when he heard his name and he moved closer to hear her mumbling clearer. He needed to know. When she quickly relaxed, her whole body releasing all of her tension, she rolled towards him and curled into herself almost like she completely forgot what she was dreaming about.

"Kate!" He shook her until she opened her eyes lazily but the she must have noticed the wrought expression on his face.

"Elliot? Everything okay?"

"His name Kate." He hissed through clenched teeth.

"What? Who?"

"Something was in your drink. Tell me now." Her face paled and her breathing grew ragged as she pushed herself off the bed. She grabbed her robe, quickly wrapped it around herself, and locked herself in the bathroom. He could hear her panicking, the intense heaves of air she was inhaling, and the whistle of panic that she was drawing in with them. He jumped out of the bed realizing that having her waking up to an angry male in her bed after that dream probably was enough for her to shut down completely.

"Kate." He spoke softly as he sat outside of her bathroom door. Her wheezing grew louder and he slid his fingers under the door as much as he could. "Baby, it's Elliot. I'm right here." He offered hushing noises while he waited and listened carefully to any changes. The wheezing remained the same as she struggled to find breath but he heard her drop to the floor. He was about to kick the fucking door open until he felt her fingers on his.

"Deep breaths. I'm right here." He reassured her.

The wheezing sounded better and he imagined her chest singing as it welcomed her full first breath. Her break didn't last as her body used the ability to breathe to make her sob. His head drew up as he heard her unlock the door and he opened it slowly to see her against her bathtub with her head buried in her knees.

* * *

Christian smiled as he walked back into his room and admired the sight of Ana tangled in his sheets. She laid fast asleep, her dark hair adorning his pillows, and her legs peeking out through the sheets. He couldn't help but remember what her soft skin felt like against his, her cries as he pleasured her, and how perfect she looked then and now in his bed. Taking another sip of coffee, he set hers on the side table and she rolled over at the noise.

"Hi." She muttered sleepily as she struggled to keep her eyes open.

"Hi." He slid in next to her and covered her fully with the sheet because no love of his should worry about being cold especially not his Ana. He'll give her anything and everything to keep her happy, safe, and healthy.

"You feel okay today?"

"A little sore but I'm fine. How long have you been up?"

"Not too long. I had a business matter that needed attention." She turned to the windows as the rain traveled down in the panes in fluid fashion. Always with her childlike expression, she watched it intently and he knew what she wanted.

"C'mon." He urged her and it didn't take but a second that she grabbed some pillows, and he grabbed the sheet. Settling down on the floor in front of his floor to ceiling windows, he joined her as he wrapped his arm around her and they watched the rain. Typical Seattle weather and she loved to watch it, her fascination wrapped up in the flow and ripples of the drops as they traveled down the panes. She called it free therapy and at first he found her to be crazy but he almost loved Seattle for its constant rain simply so he could sit and watch it now. He grew lost in the water falling and then the sweet memory of her in the shower hit him with intense imagery.

"Fuck." He groaned as he pulled away quickly and she turned towards him.

"What?"

"We didn't use a condom in the shower Ana!" He yelled and she didn't flinch or pull away.

"Christian, it's okay. I'm on the pill."

"What? Why the fuck wouldn't you tell me?"

"I've been taking it for years. I'm sorry. It's like brushing my teeth now, it's not something that catches my attention anymore." He exhaled fucking hard, releasing all of the panic that had formed in the short amount of time because of his late realization.

"You take them on time?" She cocked her head at him as if the question was beyond ridiculous.

"Do I ever stray far from routine?" He relaxed even more as she shrugged her shoulders at him.

"No. You definitely do not." He kissed her forehead and she turned back towards the windows settling back into the crook of his elbow. The vanilla scent of her hair smelled stronger than ever because he stocked his bathroom full of it. Her delicate fingers grazed his forearm.

"Promise me we'll try and do this every morning it rains. I love this."

"I promise. Promise me we'll do this too." She laughed as his fingers danced up the inside of her thighs.

"I promise." She turned towards him and he kissed her, their lips meeting softly before the heat that flooded his body craved her more. He cupped her head and pulled it closer, his tongue lining her lips as her short pants of breath touched his face with warmth. She settled underneath him and he covered her with his body, his thick hard shaft resting against her as it strained the fabric of his flannel pants. Her moans gratified his motion of rubbing his cock against her sex; the minute movement of her hips against him intoxicated him. Fuck, his restraint lacked tact this morning as he stripped both of the fabric preventing him from being inside her. He just needed to be deep inside her.

She writhed beneath him, the heat escaping his body just flooded hers and then his desperation penetrated her just where he wanted it too. Oh god, she had learned to love the first thrust and the one that brought her that earth shattering orgasm, both which he excelled in. His lips were at her neck as his hips worked with the same intensity as his tongue and she dug her fingernails into his back making him growl. The growl that escaped him was all male and almost animalistic as his hips drove harder.

"Fuck Ana." He bit at her lower lip, dragging it away from her and then releasing it with a smirk. With the release, he flipped her over and drove into her almost instantly like the brief break might kill him. The gasp of air she exhaled had her on all fours breathlessly as he was much deeper now, deeper than any of the positions he had thrown her into the night before.

"God, Christian." She panted out and the desperate way his name left her lips seemed to compel him to ravage every part of her body. His mouth was nipping at her hips and her shoulders while his fingers were massaging her tight nipples with fervor. Every sensation just making her sex ache harder with pleasure. He pulled her entire body up towards him so her back was pressed against his chest and he pulled her hair back so her head rested on his shoulder giving him full access to her neck. It didn't take but a second before he ran his teeth along her jaw and she could feel his chest shake as he sank deeper into her. Her fingernails were now digging into his thighs and his fingers that focused on her nipples were now down at her sex driving her into frenzy.

"Scream my name when you come Ana. I want to hear you."

"Christiannnnn!" She screamed as the heavy rasp in his voice did her in. Like being suspended between heaven and her physical body, she stopped breathing. A breath of air seemed too much for her body to take as she let the earth shattering pleasure fill her body taking every thought from her and rewarding every nerve in her body. She felt Christian grip her waist tightly as he moved her hips to meet his and his release almost took her over the edge again. The hissing that accompanied his grunts had her clenching the skin of his thighs tighter which caused him more pleasure.

"God Damn it." He growled as his orgasm continued and she kept her head back on his shoulder, their panting the only audible sound besides the rain dancing down his windows.

"I love you Ana." Her eyes were closed but she didn't need to see just how much he loved her. The soft gentle caresses of his hands on her cheeks spoke louder than any words.

"I love you Christian." He nipped at her ear playfully and she smiled while he gracefully pulled them both up.

"Shower and food for you." He ordered and he wrapped her in the sheet while they walked into the bathroom.

The shower exhausted her more as she tied the silk robe he bought for her weeks before. The soft fabric clung to her skin as she moved and he emerged in another pair of flannel pants and a white v-neck that defined the muscles that lay beneath it. The hard ridges protruded when he moved and she couldn't help but smile at him.

"Food first."

"I know." She drawled before following him out into the kitchen. She perched herself on the barstool as she watched him move around the kitchen with ease. In all his business glory, seeing a dressed down and domesticated Christian did more to her than any tie or tux. This Christian belonged only to her.

"Sir, your brother is on his way up and his demeanor isn't pleasant." One of his weekend security members informed him.

"What the fuck did I do now?" He snarled as he rounded the corner to stand in the entry way. She sipped some orange juice thinking maybe some sugar might help her if she needed to remedy the potential fight that might ensue. Although, she trusted Christian to handle the situation for himself. He wasn't one to take kindly to a woman trying to "handle" him.

"Christian. I have been calling for a fucking hour." Elliot barked and if anger were visible, the red lashes of fury would slice through these walls easily leaving strips of drywall fending for itself.

"I've been busy. What is going on?"

"I need you to fuel your jet. I need to go to Colorado."

"Why? Are you going to see Jake again?" Oh Lord. She jumped off the barstool and approached them both now realizing the cause for his anger.

"You know, don't you?" Elliot's irate expression pierced her completely and she now feared for Jake's life but even with all of her rationale that this wasn't the way to deal with him, she truly felt no need to stop him. God help Jake for the wrath seeking him stood tall and broad shouldered with fists ready to impale and an anger that appeared limitless.

* * *

**Snippet for Ch. 16 (unedited)**

"Christian, you two need to figure this out in whatever way you two can." As soon as she said it, he knew where they would end up and it involved a resolution of fists before mouths. A man's way of dealing easily with conflict especially brothers.

"Kate and I are leaving you two here and spending the night in a hotel." She must have noticed the direction the night was heading and she winced at him. "Maybe figure it out in the basement?" He couldn't help but laugh at her and then pull her close.

"I love you." She kissed him back and returned the loving phrase before meeting Kate in the car. Turning, he opened the freezer draw to make sure they had enough frozen peas to heal the fucking bruises they were about to inflict on each other. Elliot joined him in the kitchen from the garage, no doubt, just getting the same speech he did and he looked completely aware of how they were going to fix this.

"Basement?" He questioned and Elliot gave a small chuckle before nodding his head. Elliot had years of resentment towards him and now came the time for them to address them. As they headed for the stairs, Elliot quickly grabbed a bottle of whiskey and took the first sip before handing it to him. He took the bottle in his hand and took a quick swig knowing this bottle didn't stand a chance and neither did he but for once, this night revolved around his brother and he had come to the realization that this was the only apology he would take. Tonight would forge a new beginning for them...if they didn't die first.


	16. Chapter 16: Love is Thicker Than Whiskey

Enjoy this Chapter! Thank you all for your reviews! I absolutely love writing this story! I did scrap most of the chapter and I started over so the snippet that I provided at the end of the previous chapter is not in here.

Chapter 16: Love is Thicker Than Whiskey.

"Where's Kate?" Ana asked Elliot whose frazzled expression became worse and he shook his head as if the anger he felt was deafening, as if he was trying to hear something but struggled.

"Ana, what is going on? What did she tell him?" Her lips pursed at him, the position she was currently in now frazzling her. She couldn't tell him anything, it wasn't her place and yet it might come out anyway with Elliot and it would be better if she had full control over the information passed.

"Taylor, fuel the jet!" He bellowed across the living room and Taylor's simple head nod was answer enough. Elliot's shoulders relaxed after the instruction but he continued his pace of the floor, his hands restrained in his jeans pockets. She wondered how the muscles in his arms were dealing with the restraint, the definition showing as he tried to make fists.

"You!" Elliot spun around to meet Christian's pointer finger and his infuriated expression. "Stay here. I'm coming with you. My jet, my fucking rules." His voice shook her, his anger clear at being uninformed. Elliot looked as though he attempted to say something but the narrowing of Christian's eyes warned him otherwise. For some reason, she was oddly turned on by his anger, his dominance, and his authority which was completely ridiculous considering the matter at hand. She placed her hand on his forearm and pulled him gently over to the barstools where she sat so she could meet his eyes which kept darting between her and Elliot, trying to maintain some order in his world.

"Jake took advantage of Kate at a party a couple years ago." She moved her hands to her lap and kept her voice firm void of any sadness from her because she knew that would only fuel more of it for him. If she spoke with sadness, he would then take that on and she shuddered to imagine the wrath of his anger which with the taut pulls of his jaw after she spoke, she imagined she might witness it. Christian was a man that was forward with his feelings but his restraint of anger, was what you had to pay attention to. His fist around the back of the chair tightened and his gaze lingered on his hands as if he was afraid of their fury too. Running her fingers against his cheek and then cupping it, she attempted to calm him down.

"Hey." She spoke softly and tried to move his face to look at her but he was locked in position. Elliot gathered next to her as he saw the distance in Christian's eyes. He was a world away, or as she began to wonder, years back in that small apartment with his mother. She had to wonder if he connected more to this news because of it, if at some point he witnessed more than he told her or his position at 15 with Elena.

"Christian, Just stay. I'm leaving." As Elliot walked by, Christian's swift grip on his biceps immobilized him completely.

"Fuck you. We're not leaving." he hissed through gritted teeth and his anger even shook Elliot.

"What? Did you not just hear what she said?"

"Yes, I fucking heard Elliot. You are not leaving this apartment." Elliot ripped his arm out of Christian's grip and she prepared for a new possible world war but she was more overwhelmed with Christian's decision. He shocked her.

"Taylor! Cancel the fueling. We're not going. My brother is not to leave this apartment either."

"Fuck off! All of you!" Elliot screamed in rage.

Christian bent down and kissed her cheek before bringing his mouth to her ear.

"Go home and see Kate. I'll call you later." He whispered and she simply kissed his cheek before disappearing into his room to grab her things. Elliot's yelling and anger reverberated through the walls, and she hurried. Anger to that extent in any form always made her heart pound and her skin sweat. Lack of control is always what it signaled to her and she had seen and felt the effects too many times.

As she walked out of the bedroom and into the living room, she passed Christian who was already in the midst of opening a bottle of whiskey.

"I love you. Call if you need anything."

"Love you too." He pulled her head in and gave her quick peck before letting her go. She was thankful when the elevator doors closed and all became silent besides the ping of the passing floors. Men were such beautiful and scary creatures.

Christian opened the freezer drawer to make sure they had enough frozen peas to heal the fucking bruises they were about to inflict on each other.

"I fucking hate you! One thing Christian! I ask you to do one fucking thing for me!" Elliot's heaves of anger leaving him like a force field capable of leveling the city.

"Let's go" He demanded and then began the walk to his gym. There was enough room for Elliot to handle his ass and Christian hadn't sparred with anyone for too fucking long. He took the bottle in his hand and took a quick swig knowing this bottle didn't stand a chance and neither did he but for once, this revolved around his brother and he had come to the realization that this was the only apology Elliot would take. Today would forge a new beginning for them...if they didn't die first.

They both took one more swig of Jack and stood across from each other in the gym. The workout equipment set along the floor to ceiling windows while they stood in the area clear enough for them to fight. The wooden floor gleamed from just being cleaned but not for long. Elliot's heavy breaths and clenched fists letting him know just how ready he was.

Dropping the bottle to the side, he took off his shirt and Elliot charged him. Tackling him against the wall, his head in between his hip and forearm, Christian let him relieve some aggression. He would let Elliot get a few good hits and kicks in but in the end, he would lay his ass out, tire him out to the point where hopefully he passed out and they wouldn't have to argue over Jake.

Elliot shifted his weight and before he knew it, he was on the floor. A punch in the stomach knocked the wind out of him. He had forgotten how strong his brother was and the years had not fazed him one fucking bit. Christian hooked him in the rib, disabling him enough to pull out. The fists started flying; he felt a crack as Elliot hit his ribs again and he tackled Elliot to the floor. Sharp breaths and growls tangled with the wrestling of their bodies filled the room. Elliot punched his side a couple times trying to throw him off, the release of his fury driving him more. They were pretty equally matched but Christian worked out every day still. Elliot wrapped his leg around his waist and then used his weight to flip them over. Standing up and backing away, he had his fists up. Both of them were breathing harshly and he threw the first punch which Elliot dodged but his other fist quickly followed, nailing him right in the jaw. And didn't that just fucking piss him off. Christian caught one right at the temple that snapped his head to the left and in a rage; he clocked Elliot again sending him stumbling to the back wall. He tackled him to the wall this time and whipped his leg around Elliot's calf hauling his weight over his shoulder and Elliot's body hit the ground hard.

_SMACK _

After Elliot lay there unable to move, he let himself put his hands on his thighs and catch his breath. Fuck, his side hurt and his head, both which will show in the morning most likely.

"FUCK!" He screamed as his head hit the floor.

"You played dead?" He screamed at Elliot in shock. That fucker. And he started to laugh.

"I keep waiting to hear Mom." He got out between bouts of laughter.

"God Damn it Christian and Elliot." He mimicked the high pitched tone of their mother and that did him in. Laughing freely together, they had finally reached an impasse in the way that men and brothers do.

After the laughing hurt his ribs too much, he pushed himself up and moved against the wall, grabbing the bottle of Jack and taking a swig of it. Elliot finally joined his side and he slid the bottle over to him which he picked up faster than some of the punches he threw.

"Why won't you let me go beat the shit out of Jake?" There was no anger just pure curiosity and frustration. Fuck, he hated to talk the way he was about to but the thoughts were all raging inside of his head, like years of hidden feelings had escaped Pandora's Box.

"Because I actually care about what happens to you. I don't want to see you lose everything because you murdered the guy and I know you would. Would you rather be with Kate through a fucking telephone and letters?"

"I just don't see why you care so much." And he wouldn't. Christian had never really given anyone the impression that he would care. What had never bothered him now hurt him, his entire core and the guilt didn't help either.

"Despite the way I have acted, I care about you a lot. You're my older brother and Kate, well; she's like a sister now. They are a two for one: Ana and Kate and, you, out of all people know it doesn't take blood to make siblings. So, I care about you both and I don't want even more guilt for her than she already feels because you are in prison for murder." God fucking knows he still felt some guilt about Elena. It makes you question everything about yourself, changes you, and then punishes you for as long as you fucking want it to.

"Thanks."

"Don't go spreading my I care shit around and this…"

"What?"

Jesus, he hated to apologize to anyone besides Ana and she made it damn easy.

"I'm sorry. Shit, I'm so fucking sorry for a lot of shit. I don't even know where to begin. I've been selfish not taking into account everyone else's feelings. I'm going to try though. I promise. I'll make an effort to make you all proud."

Elliot's facial expression could match that of Ana's when she first saw his playroom.

"Uhh, we've always been proud. I've always been proud of you. You remember that day you came home with a broken nose?"

"Yeah. The day I got in a fight after school?"

"One of the days you got in a fight at school. Anyway, I was there. I came to see if you needed backup once I heard there was going to be a fight with you. Tommy Jenkins punched you so hard, I was so sure you'd fucking hit the dirt but you didn't. You fought back and you fought back hard. I almost pissed my pants with pride when you head-butted Tommy and he passed out. In that moment, I saw your strength and your fight. I'm always proud but I have never worried about you. Regardless of where you are, you are stronger than you know, and you'll come out on top. Look at you now!" Elliot motioned towards him.

"Apologizing and shit." He added.

"He did hit the ground hard."

"Like a fucking sack of potatoes." They both started to laugh again, the atmosphere and their years of tension dissipating as the minutes passed.

"Thanks and you know I'm proud of you too and all that other shit." He just couldn't talk feelings anymore; he had done enough for the years to come.

"Look at us. A couple of pussies."

Christian took one look at the whiskey but in that moment that he thought he might need something to soothe him, he only thought of Ana and he knew where they both belonged.

"Let's go see our girls." He held out his hand to Elliot who grasped it with a firm grip and pulled himself up. To his surprise, his brother pulled him into an embrace, a hand at the back of his head. His heart raced at the contact, the nerves rattled his brain, and tears that never fell surfaced.

"I love you, you crazy bastard." That last part soothed him back down. Shit was still real and masculine. What he thought would make him feel weak strengthened him.

"You too." He muttered back quickly before hissing as Elliot hit him in the side.

"Oh quit being a little bitch brother." He pulled Christian's head under his arm and ran his knuckles through his hair making him feel like they were ten again.

"Don't make me fucking punch you again." He pushed him away and their laughter echoed throughout the hallway as he vaguely remembered he left the bottle of jack in there by itself unfinished or maybe it was just the past. Ehh, who needed that shit when you had the family he had including Ana and Kate?

* * *

The feel of Ana's fingers threading through her hair was so damn relaxing as she sat on the floor beneath her. They had been watching Top Chef the majority of the morning but she thought more about Elliot than any of the food challenges. Well, and Christian. God, she was so grateful, he kept Elliot back. His quick departure after she told him had voided thoughts of Jake and provided irrational thoughts about Elliot, like how good would he look in orange? Could she date a man in prison? Do they Skype in Prison? The loud knock at the door interrupted everything.

"Who is it?" She yelled being too lazy and tired to get up.

"It's Christian and Elliot." Christian's deep voice unaffected by the six inch thick door that separated them. It didn't surprise her either.

"Come in." Ana yelled and the door flew open as both came raging in. Holy shit, they both looked like they had been through the ringer. Christian had a cut lip, Elliot was limping a bit but their dynamic had changed. What once was Elliot hating to even be near Christian, he now kept hitting at Christian like an annoying sibling. She would know, she did the same thing with her brother Ethan.

Christian just swooped in and picked Ana up off the couch.

"Christian!" Her best friend squealed as he began walking to her room.

"I have a merger to discuss with you." He growled at her and Kate couldn't help but see the love. It was written over both of their faces.

Elliot quickly mimicked his brother's dramatic entrance and she was soon within his embrace again.

"All is well in Grey land?"

"It took a couple punches but yeah. I think so." He had changed in only a couple hours but it happened. He draped her on the bed, the sheets shifting beneath her weight and the warmth of Elliot's weight next to her soothed every aching thought and muscle in her body. He nuzzled his head into her neck and his breath tickled her skin making her laugh.

"Hey."

"Hmm." She answered as her eyes were closed and she was close to drifting away.

"You're still beautiful. You're still strong, and you're still intelligent. He has changed nothing." A lone tear fell onto her pillow, just one. That's all she would ever give that night now.

"I'm in love with you. I have been. I still am." Fuck. What a mistake, brain! It was so automated from brain to mouth which shouldn't surprise her, it was her worst and best attribute.

"I'm sorry. It just came out. You don't have to say anything." She rattled as she turned towards him. Laying her head back down on the pillow, she stared into those beautiful blue eyes just waiting for a response, any response.

"That's my favorite thing about you."

"What?"

"That you lack a filter."

"It's what I love about you most. I don't have to guess how you're feeling ever." Her eye brows hitched up at the L-word, and he leaned in close and kissed her.

"I'm in love with you. I have been. I still am."

* * *

Ana, Kate, Christian, and Elliot were walking into the restaurant to meet their parents for dinner. Christian's idea surprisingly and her mom had been with Kate's so they joined too. Reaching the table in the private dining room, Grace looked up at both of her sons.

"What happened to you both?" She was mortified and both Christian and Elliot just laughed.

"It was just a tiff Mom. It's handled."

"God damn it Christian and Elliot." Her high pitched voice had them both bent over laughing. Some inside joke she assumed as they made their way to the table. Kissing her mother on the cheek she sat in between her and Christian.

The wine was passed along with bread as the excited chatter between all of them filled the space. She looked over to Christian who looked so relaxed, she almost cried. He met her eyes for a second with a bright smile before returning to talking to Elliot. Both of them, so much resolved between them and geeze, she was such a baby.

"Hello all. I saw you all in here and just thought I'd stop by and say hi before I left." That voice had her gritting her teeth but she recovered quickly.

"Elena!" Grace was first to hug her and then Kate's mother who introduced Elena to her mother.

Christian's body froze next to her but not because of fear but out of anger.

"Elena! It's so nice to see you again. Let me walk you out, there are some things I need to ask you about." She put on her best inauthentic smile and put her hand through Elena's. She was in no position to refuse if she wanted to keep appearances. They began to walk out of the private dining room and as soon as they were out of sight, she pushed herself away. As soon as they were outside, her demeanor changed quickly.

"I can't talk to him now? Afraid I might steal him away from you?"

"No you can't."

"You don't play strong well Ana dear."

"I find it comical that you question my strength."

"Oh really, why is that?" She scoffed.

"When I look at you, I have to wonder how insecure and weak of a woman you must have been to take advantage of a 15 year old boy."

"Would you like to hear the things I did to him?" Predictable. What wasn't getting a reaction, she would try something else.

"If you're looking for a reaction, I would never give you the satisfaction. "

"Look here you little bitch, you are playing with fire."

"Don't talk to him again."

"Or what?"

"Or I'll buy his shares of your company and become your boss. How dominant would you feel then?"

She spun around and went back into the restaurant, not really phased at all by the obscenities Elena was now yelling at her.

"Everything okay?" Christian whispered as soon as she sat down.

"Everything is fine. Don't worry." She had a distant feeling that she just kicked the hornets' nest of Elena but it was very distant. Too distant to affect the enjoyment she felt spending time with her families.

* * *

Snippet for Ch. 17.

Christian hated being away from Ana. He really fucking hated these trips and she hadn't been answering her phone calls all fucking evening. Dialing Sawyer's number he waited.

"Hello?"

"Hey Sawyer. I need to get a hold of Ana but she isn't answering, can you go up and check on her."

"Yes, Sir." He waited on the phone, listening to Sawyer's even breaths and the sound of his shoes on the stairs. Stairs. Nice choice. It reached her faster. He knew he liked him for a reason.

"Miss, Steele." He heard Sawyer say before all hell fucking broke loose.

"Fuck, call 911." He yelled and Christian's breathing stopped. The strain in his chest enough to rip the skin in two.

"Sawyer. What the fuck is going on?" Taylor pulled over and turned back towards him.

"Get me the fuck home. NOW!" His hands were shaking and he let his head fall against the headrest of the front seat, his chest burning with every inhale of air.


	17. Chapter 17: The Hornet's Nest

_Thank you all for your wonderful reviews! They are amazing. Search Deenz Fanfiction on Facebook for snippets and updates of my stories. _

Chapter 17: The Hornet's Nest

Kate always wore the wrong shoes, it seemed. Her heels were sinking into the dirt and she thanked God none of Elliot's workers were here still and that he had yet to witness the comedy.

"Fucking ridiculous." She whispered to herself as she just pulled her heels off. The imprints of large work boots dirtied her feet and for once she didn't care. She hadn't seen Elliot in days because he had been MIA with work. It was only 6:30 so the sun was just starting to set yet decorating the sky in a beautiful orange twinge that seemed to melt into the remaining clouds. She loved nights like these.

Watching the floors carefully for nails and other loose metal or glass, she contemplated putting her heels back on but they were Louboutin's and she would never subject them to the shape of her feet in that moment. As she rounded the corner in the Colonial home they were building, she stilled. Releasing a deep exhale of admiration at the sight of him in his dirtied jeans and black long sleeved V-neck tucked messily into his tool belt.

Fucking swoon.

His attention focused on the blueprints in front of him, and his brow furrowed as he measured so precisely with his pencil. His rugged fingers outlined the paper as he made more notes and she could watch him in his element forever. The jeans he wore showed off his perfect ass and she found herself picking at her fingers, keeping them from going over there and pinching it.

"I hear you over there." His deep voice resonated, circling the empty living room like a rugged breath of wind.

She walked over quietly, her bare feet not making a sound and wrapped her arms around his waist. The hard skin beneath the fabric resistant and that aroused her more. She breathed him in, his intoxicating mixture scent of sawdust and sweat and she rested her chin on his shoulder as he continued with his measurements.

"I'm almost done." He spoke intently while his left hand covered hers at his stomach; such a small yet reassuring gesture. Damn, he was sexy like this, not that she ever thought otherwise but to see his mind and hands working with what he loved became almost unbearable not to touch him, so she did.

Sliding her hand down the palette of his abs, the dip in skin making her fingers linger for a moment, she reached over his tool belt and unbuttoned his jeans.

"Kate." He hissed in baritone that elicited a counterproductive response as she unzipped his jeans.

"Keep working." She whispered sensually. "It turns me on." She nipped at his ear and his hands returned shakily to the papers. There wasn't much focus there anymore.

"If you keep going, I will fuck you here." As if she didn't already suspect that, she shoved her hand into his pants and wrapped her hand around his hard cock.

"Oh fuck." He steadied himself on the makeshift table in front of him, his shoulders hunched over in front of her as she began to stroke him. He throbbed within her hand, the ache of his cock straining against the skin of her hand.

She was panting already as her forehead fell against his back. Pulling his pants down and baring all of him, she snaked her arms around his waist again and worked him. He was gripping the side of drywall that was propped up on stilts so tight that his knuckles were white.

"Jesus Kate." He groaned while she stroked him faster, circling the head of his cock with her thumb when she reached the tip made his hips twitch. She bit into the skin of his back playfully; the fabric gave taste of his scent and that was his cue. He jerked around quickly, throwing his tool belt off and pinning her against the wall. He was desperate.

One hand held her chin while the other was already up her dress and rubbing her clit through the thin fabric of her panties. She clenched a fistful of his blonde curls as he licked up her neck and to her lips. He stole her moans with his mouth as his tongue sought for more.

He ripped off his shirt so that he only stood with his jeans at his ankles and work boots. Considering the atmosphere, it was fucking perfect.

She teased him, her fingers curling under the hem and slowly bringing it up and she bit her bottom lip playfully. He clenched his teeth in frustration but his eyes beamed at her in admiration which she felt uncomfortable with especially from him. The gaze weighed so much.

"Take the thing off now or I'll rip it off and I'm sure you would prefer to drive clothed to my house after this." He tore her from her thoughts and she obeyed as her pussy throbbed with his dominating tone. Standing in just her panties and bra, he admired her again although this time he devoured her with his eyes. She preferred the eye fucking compared to the admiration but she didn't let her mind stay there for too long, nor did Elliot.

Nipping at her bottom lip, his hands made quick work of her bra and it fell free from her shoulders. He kissed down her neck and to her collarbone before teasingly reaching her nipples. She arched her back into the wall as he took one nipple between his teeth and the other between his fingers.

"Oh fuck." The breathy release of those words must have been to his liking because the growl as she said it definitely offered approval. He slid his tongue down her stomach and then licked the top of her panty line, his eyes looking up as he did it and she saw the teasing revenge.

"Take them off now or I'll keep them on and I'm sure you would prefer not to drive to your house with a horrible case of blue balls." Letting out a small laugh, he slid them down her legs and threw them off to the side.

Nipping at her inner thighs, she moved her hips forward demanding he begin his work or she was going to take his head herself and put him there. It didn't take long before he was ravaging her pussy. Slow long strokes of his tongue had her moving her hips against him when she felt his fingers enter her. Another growl of approval at how wet she was and she growled with him. Heat consumed her entirely as she could do nothing but pant and moan. Getting so close, he pulled away from her completely as he came back up to meet her face. She tasted herself as he slid his tongue in and she vaguely heard the sounds of a condom wrapper being torn but pleasure quickly clouded most of her senses.

He groaned so deep when he entered her that she almost came. He wasn't gentle, and she didn't want him to be. She never believed in making love, granted she had only ever been in love with Elliot and they had yet to prove the ideal existed.

She wrapped her legs around him tighter to give resistance against the wall and he buried himself deep inside her. He found his rhythm and she lost herself within it all again. No boredom, no pain emotionally, just pure ecstasy.

As they both stood breathless she rested her forehead on his shoulder, still reeling from the orgasm he had given her and he still twitched inside of her. She felt his lips at her cheeks and she lifted her head to kiss him again, this time he lingered with his lips dragging them against hers.

"You okay?" His eyes were glazed with content and she nodded before kissing him again as his hands smoothed back her hair. The floor met her feet shakily as he lowered her down and pulled out of her. She steadied herself with his extended arm as he gathered her clothes and they both dressed again offering each other wide grins every time their eyes met.

"I have our food in the car. I just didn't know if you wanted to wait until your house." He gathered his tools and her heels.

"On my back. You shouldn't be walking bare foot in here." She wrapped her arms around his neck and jumped up as he walked with ease. "We'll eat on the dock out there." He pointed and she grinned excitedly. The water rippled roughly with the wind but also perfect at the same time and that's just what she needed.

She slipped some flip flops on before Elliot grabbed the food and before they knew it, they were both sitting on the dock. He opened the containers of soup and handed hers over with a spoon. They both quickly became mesmerized by the water, the cathartic sounds and the fluid motion rocking them gently. She looked over at him, his content expression as he ate and she wondered if they would ever talk about the day they said the I-love-you's. The annoying thought that it was said simply because of her confession and god forbid he reject her in that weak moment picked at her brain incessantly.

"Spit it out Kate." He looked over at her and she darted her eyes away from him. He had caught her.

"Is this about the day I told you I loved you." He added and she couldn't look at him although that seemed to be answer enough. How he read her so easily, would always make her wonder.

"I um. I just wanted you to know that if you didn't mean it, it's fine." He set his food down and did the same with hers. He grabbed her chin and brought her face around to look at him.

"I do love you."

"Do you love the girl I was at 17? Because I have changed."

"I know you have. So have I." _Yeah, but I actually like the changes in you. _

"I know. I guess I'm just afraid you like this idea of me and I'm not sure I'll ever make you happy enough. What happened with Jake took something from me. I wish it didn't. I wish I didn't give him that power but it is what it is. I don't know if I'll ever get it back." God knows, she had been searching long enough with mindless sex, clubbing, and her friendship with Ana.

"Kate, quit that. I love you. _You." _ It just didn't seem possible but she went with it and appeased him with a kiss before snuggling into him. She was used to being admired for her body, anything else and she shut down. The pressure to be bound to other traits and to provide sufficient enough evidence for those scared the living shit out of her.

Disappointment

She would always disappoint.

Manuscripts upon manuscripts lay stacked in neat piles, of course, on her bed as she began to read the first chapters of each one. For once, even though she hated it, she could focus because Christian's hands weren't sliding up her thighs and Kate wasn't in need of someone to play with her hair to distress her. The lax quiet just rested peacefully around her. She checked her phone again; Christian would still be in his meeting in Australia so she laid it back down. Beginning to read the first manuscript, a fiction novel about a woman who lost the only man she cared about and then seeks vengeance against the men that murdered him, she sighed. Downer of a story but the simplicity of her writing shone through so she put it in the maybe pile. Either she had her piles wrong or her grading scale for reads had greatly relaxed. Not surprising, as she was more relaxed than she had ever been. As she picked up more manuscripts, it got to the point where they all started to sound and look the same. The pages blurred as her head kept falling before she gave in and went to sleep.

A loud knock at her door awoke her, and she climbed out of bed sleepily. 9pm. Who in the world would be knocking at her door at 9:00 at night? Grabbing her robe, she tied it messily before making her way to the door. Her phone hadn't rung to inform of visitors and the only people allowed to visit were family and Elliot and Christian. She looked through the peephole to be met with the logo of the Seattle Seahawks on a baseball cap. He stepped back and she saw he was just a pizza deliverer.

"I'm sorry. I didn't order pizza but maybe our neighbors did. Oh but they're out of town. Um, downstairs maybe?" She waited for him to say something or to just walk away but the corners of his lips lifted beneath the cap. She couldn't see his eyes but she didn't need to. Terror flooded her.

He pushed his way in and shut the door. His hand covered her mouth almost immediately and blood pulsed violently in her ears as her heart panicked like a caged bird within her chest. He dragged her over to their sound system where he turned their music on so loud. Orelia's Suggestions began to play and the sounds of her muffled screams blended perfectly with her voice. Tears ran down her cheeks as she came to the realization that no one would hear her and no one was coming for her. Her chest shook as she sobbed and only for a second did she indulge it before reining it all back. It had been years but it was funny how easy coping mechanisms returned. He dragged her back to the countertop where his pizza bag lay and he opened it with one hand carefully. Zip ties were the first thing she saw and she shut herself out. Closing her eyes and leaving herself with the panic that raged through her body, she imagined the prairie field.

The zip ties tightened around her wrists to the point where they dug into her skin and for the first time, the winds changed in her escape. The gentle breeze turned violent but why? It panicked her more, her breathing constricted and pained. This was not her escape. Nothing was right about it at all.

Opening her eyes, she finally realized this was completely different. These bruises would be inflicted to be seen, her body would be an open book to his brutality, and for once she might actually have to deal with the pitied looks of everyone. She could always hide it with Tom but now. Now, she would actually have to deal with the aftermath and that's why the wind changed in her escape, the dark cloudy skies, and the thunderous strikes because it was no longer an escape.

She couldn't escape into herself this time.

She fought though. The adrenaline pumped through her, and she lifted her legs and pushed back on the countertop. Within that moment of courage and strength, she breathed a little. He stumbled backwards with her in his embrace and she fought more. Her legs were flying all directions trying to fight his strength but it was no use. He moved her with one arm like a rag doll.

Like slow motion captured scenes, everything happened in spurts. The first punch had her on the ground. He tied her wrists so she couldn't protect herself in any way including her face which is where he attacked first. The pain seared as he punched her again, an instant wince and a cry through the fabric he had tied through her mouth.

Evil existed right here in her living room. Tom at least reacted to the pain he delivered but the devil that stood above her stood calm and collected. He began to untie her robe and she couldn't hold her sobs back any longer. Anything but that. The pain that seared in her face as she sobbed made her wails louder but the music drowned her out. She was drowning in her own tears.

"NO…NO." She cried to him pleadingly but even she knew, the argument was useless. His hands ran up her calves and she cried harder, heaving in air and releasing with muffled wails. He squeezed her thighs and she felt like she might die from anxiety. Her heart literally felt like it was going to expand and then explode within her chest.

"Nooooooo." She sobbed again through the fabric but it escaped as a mere wail. His fist met her ribs with a crack and that completely stole her breath. She felt like she was suffocating for a moment before he finally put her out of her misery. Both his hands wrapped around her head and with a jerk, she felt the impact for only a second. Darkness. It wasn't the Prairie Field but the darkness didn't scare her anymore. It never had, it was the light at the end of the tunnel that always panicked her.

Christian hated being away from Ana. He really fucking hated these trips and she hadn't been answering her phone calls all fucking evening. It was only 11 there and she slept with her phone next to her. Dialing Sawyer's number he waited.

"Hello?"

"Hey Sawyer. I need to get a hold of Ana but she isn't answering, can you go up and check on her."

"Yes, Sir." He waited on the phone, listening to Sawyer's even breaths and the sound of his shoes on the stairs. Stairs. Nice choice. It reached her faster. He knew he liked him for a reason. The sounds of other men following him comforted him more.

"Miss, Steele." He heard Sawyer say before all hell fucking broke loose. The seconds between his questioning tone of her name and the obscenities of the men held his beating heart.

"Fuck, call 911." He yelled and Christian's breathing stopped. The strain in his chest was enough to rip his skin in two.

"Sawyer. What the fuck is going on?" Taylor pulled over and turned back towards him.

"Get me the fuck home. NOW!" His hands were shaking and he let his head fall against the headrest of the front seat, his chest burning with every inhale of air.

"Sir, she's been attacked. Someone take this phone and update Mr. Grey." He rambled and Christian sank lower in his place, the car closing in on him ridding any air he had left.

"Sir, it looks as though Ana has been attacked. Her wrists are tied with zip-ties and she is unconscious on the floor. Jackson has called 911." He dug whatever was left of his fingernails into his palm as he listened and the pressure he was exerting with his gritted teeth should have cracked them. He wished they did.

"She's breathing." Shepherd kept talking but Christian could hear Sawyer in the background.

"Ana. Wake up for me please. Someone cover her now please!" Sawyer screamed and he fucking lost it.

"Taylor pull the fuck over." Taylor swerved the vehicle to the side of the road and he couldn't even wait for the vehicle to stop. He was on all fours, throwing up at the vision of Ana beaten and naked. He threw up again but quickly shoved his fingers down his throat to rid it all. This was all he was giving because he had to get home fucking now.

He climbed back into the car where Taylor had taken his phone and he handed it back.

"No change sir. The paramedics just arrived." Taylor told him.

"Tell Sawyer to go with her in the ambulance. I don't want her alone ever. Get another team at the hospital now. I don't care if you have to call the police and tell them I'll pay a million dollars each. Fill that fucking hospital with as many men as you can get."

"Yes sir." Shepherd replied before Christian hung up. He wasn't going to fucking make it. Not this long and not this far away from her.

"Taylor, organize a private jet for Ana's mother Carla and have someone fly Charlie Tango to receive her father now." Rubbing his face violently with his hands, he wiped the stray tears that began to fall. God help the person that fucking did this to her because he was going to kill the motherfucker and his logic with Elliot was completely gone. It would take a thousand Elliot's to hold him back and even then he'd still win. Like a raging bull, he never moved for anyone; they knew to move out of his fucking way.


	18. Chapter 18: Hidden Features

_Thank you all for your wonderful reviews and even the ones that disliked the last chapter. It wasn't supposed to be pretty and it will all make sense. Just give the story time. Enjoy this chapter. If anyone would like to discuss it feel free to PM me or you can find me on Facebook: Deenz Fanfiction _

Chapter 18: Hidden Features

"Ell, no!" Kate squealed as he tickled the inside of her thighs and she threw her head back in carefree laughter, the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. Her hands were trying to push him away but he covered her with his and her mouth with his.

"I didn't know you were so ticklish." He lined her jaw with a finger before moving the stray blonde curls away from her face.

"Yes, you did you liar." He smirked before he heard his phone ring but he let it go to voicemail.

"You're not going to get that." Kate asked him and he looked her up and down, her naked body tangled in his sheets, and he returned her stare with an are-you-crazy look. Again, a giggle left her and she flipped them over although he allowed her too as she straddled and kissed him. He was ready to go again especially with her. One look at her and he was hard as a fucking rock. His phone rang again and he leaned over to see who it was. Two times in a minute seemed somewhat important.

"Hello?" He answered when he saw Christian's caller ID.

"Why the fuck didn't you answer?" Elliot sat straight up, putting his fingers to Kate's lips and offering an apologetic look as she just sat straddled on his lap.

"I was busy. What's wrong?" He had never heard such a grueling tone from Christian. It sounded like the mixture of death, ravenous murder, and pure sadness which fucking terrified him.

"Ana was attacked in her apartment. I need you and Kate to meet her at the Hospital. I've already called Mom, she's there. I want you on the fucking phone with me as soon as you're there. I'm on my way home now!" Elliot's stomached dropped to what felt like a bottomless pit of black shit in his stomach. Kate winced at his expression as he slid out from under her.

"Get dressed now." He ordered as she put her hands on her naked hips.

"What is going on?"

"Just do it." She rolled off the bed in a huff and he returned his attention to Christian. Shit, Christian. Fucccccck. They would have to handcuff him to the fucking bed if they ever found out who did this.

"We'll be there in twenty." Christian hung up without saying anything and Elliot began to get his clothes on. The collar of his shirt surpassed his chin and he was met with Kate's irritated expression.

"Will you tell me what's going on please?" Taking a deep breath, he pulled his shirt down the rest of the way.

"Ana was attacked at the apartment tonight." It took a couple seconds for the information to register but when it did she had to reach for the dresser to steady herself.

"Oh my god. She's alive. I would feel it if she weren't wouldn't I?" Placing her hand at her heart as if she was searching for a sign, he raced over quickly.

"She's at the hospital. That's all I know right now. My mother is there so hopefully she can give us some answers." Tears welled in Kate's eyes and she looked up at him so terrified, like the fear had paralyzed her.

"I would feel it right?" The test of a connection between two people? He wondered if this happened to everyone when they lost someone, if they questioned the lack of a 'feeling' as being directly related to the strength of their relationship.

"I would like to think so." He pulled her into his chest but she only stayed for a few seconds.

"Let's go, now please." He grabbed the rest of his things and followed her out to his car. Her hand disappeared every once and a while, undoubtedly wiping tears from her face and an overwhelming fucking sense in his chest that he could only compare to what he imagined a heart attack gripped his body. Fuck.

It could've been Kate.

Now his hands were shaking, as he climbed into his Range Rover but luckily his hands found focus at the steering wheel. They squeezed so tight like he was ringing out a dry washcloth but it centered him, brought him away from feeling like his heart might tear in two. He whipped his head around and backed out of his driveway with more speed than he should have but he got no argument from Kate. They began their trek to the hospital and with every passing light that lit her reflection in the passenger seat window, he looked over. Her eyes were fixed, not caring for the passing homes, just fixed and her brows furrowed. He grabbed her hand and the next light had him witnessing her closing her eyes as he did.

"Listen," she began shakily. "If Ana is awake when we get there, don't be surprised if she's smiling or talking to you as if nothing happened. It's just how she deals with things." Her voice was shaky but filled with hope as if talking about Ana awake and smiling would present itself once they got to the hospital.

"Is that normal?"

"We don't judge each other." He could hear the tears and pain in her voice. "She acts as though she's bound to everyone when really she's only ever answered to herself, and I act as though I'm bound to no one when, well you know. We meet somewhere in our crazy middle and it works." She wiped her tears again and resumed the fixated stare to the window. He squeezed her hand and brought it to his lips brushing her knuckles gently.

"You're staying with me for as long as you want."

"Okay."

Kate and Elliot turned the corner in the hospital expecting a mad rush of people but they were quickly stopped by two police officers.

"This ward has been blocked off and is only open to approved visitors. Who are you here to see?" Kate could've kissed Christian if he seemed like the type to receive one. Her saddened heart gained some happiness at how protective he was of her.

"Anastasia Steele. I'm her roommate Katherine Kavanagh and this is Elliot Grey."

"We need to see I.D's." She began to take hers out when she saw Sawyer and he quickly intercepted.

"They're both allowed in. Thank you." Elliot's hand squeezed hers tighter as they saw the hallway lined with private security and few scattered police officers.

"Elliot, you will have to wait out here. Her Doctor would prefer no men in the room." She watched him nod and Sawyer opened the door for her. Beating wildly, her heart fluttered in her chest as she pushed aside the curtain that hid the rest of the room.

"Kate." Ana's sleepy and hoarse voice called for her and she walked over quickly to the bed, the tears already breaking the surface. Ana had a horrible black eye, the socket swollen and a large pink and blue splotched ring from her cheek to her temple. The hand that held her forearm had a bloodied and irritated ring around it and the tears came faster.

"Shhh. I'm fine." Ana spoke but her eyes were shut.

"No you're not Ana. Look at you!" Ana quickly moved her hand to hers and entwined her fingers into hers.

She turned to the Doctor to ask what the hell was going on when she realized it was Grace. She stepped back and smiled at them both with relief and her usual warmth that damn it they needed in that moment.

"Why are her eyes closed?"

"It makes my headache worse to keep them open." Ana spoke up quietly and with a deep rasp as Grace began to leave the room.

"I'll leave you both alone." She walked out quietly and Kate rounded the bed and sat in the chair positioned beside Ana. Ana turned her head slowly, wincing in pain, and opened her eyes finally. Those blue eyes still shining but with less strength than she's used to.

"I'm fine. I'm lucky."

"What happened?"

"A man came to the door that looked like a pizza deliverer. I opened it to tell him he had the wrong apartment when he shoved himself in." She was blinking slowly before finally closing her eyes again.

"Ana!" She inched forward afraid something happened.

"I'm still here. I just need to shut my eyes." She relaxed back in the chair but still holding Ana's hand in both of hers.

"He attacked me, had me on the floor and…" Her voice pitched and Kate thought she might throw up.

"Did he…Did he rape you?" Kate had to put a hand to her mouth to try and keep her sobs hidden when she saw Ana shake her head.

"No. They think he must have been spooked because there is no other damage than fractured ribs and a concussion. They did an exam and there's no sign of vaginal trauma."

"Oh thank god." She breathed deeply and a sob of relief managed to escape.

"It's okay. They are keeping me overnight to monitor my concussion and I have a feeling Christian has made demands on my behalf which I need to call him." Kate grabbed her phone out of her pocket and pulled Christian's number up.

"I love you. I want you to stay but can I have some privacy to speak to Christian please." Kate nodded before kissing Ana's forehead.

"I'll be right outside of the door. Mom and Dad are on their way. Christian provided them both transportation." Kate watched as Ana smiled. One of these days Ana would let her in like she did Christian. There was no jealousy; it was a fact that they both bared all for Christian and Elliot, probably because there was no pressure to do so with each other. Stealing one last glance at her best friend, just in case, she ran over and kissed her on the forehead once more.

"I love you forever and always."

"Forever and always." She mumbled back before opening her eyes a little and pressing her finger to the phone.

Ana waited until she heard the hospital room door shut before allowing a couple tears to escape. Everything hurt and not just physically, she was emotionally wounded and the fact that he hadn't raped her did a number on her. Why? What saved her?

Listening to the ring of the phone sent little sharp pains to her head but she closed her eyes and kept listening.

"Hello?" A short and irritated tone answered but it sounded like heaven to her ears, like the voice alone cured her of all ailments if only for a second.

"Hi." Her voice was barely audible, slightly louder than a whisper because anymore effort and she'd be sobbing.

"Oh thank fucking God." The words carried with one large exhale and it did her in. She began to sob but those quickly died into small cries because the pain from her ribs and her black eye made it near impossible to break down.

"I'm trying to come home. We should be there tomorrow okay. I'm so sorry I'm not there right now."

"I can't wait." She replied because an it's-fine wouldn't suffice and an I'm-fine was a lie and she never had the heart to lie to him. They both sat on the phone with the only noise being from her small whimpers.

"Christian? Are you there?"

"Yes. How bad is it Ana?"

"I have a concussion which is why they're keeping me overnight, a black eye, and three fractured ribs." A sharp exhale of air hinted his anger but he became silent again and she knew what he was wondering.

"I wasn't raped."

"I don't want you to think it would change how I felt about you but I'm so fucking relieved to hear that." She began to cry again simply because he was too far away. She wanted him and needed him.

"Ana. I'm trying to get there baby."

"I know. Will you just stay on the line? I'm so tired but I can't sleep."

"Of course." She closed her eyes and imagined him next to her. She imagined his arms wrapped around her but of course she imagined herself able to wrap her arms around him without sharp shooting pains in her side.

"I love you." She smiled in the midst of her sleepy daze.

"I love you too."

The awaking hours passed in a blur. She awoke to her parents sitting awkwardly next to each other and Kate even quieter. It had been a long time since all four of them were together. More ice was applied to her eye, her mother shed tears, Grace checked on her frequently, pain medication, vitals, embarrassing bathroom scenes, and Kate even had to help her get dressed into a loose dress and a cardigan. She had no real memory of it all, just short clips of the last hours and an even shorter attention span of the car ride to Christians. He demanded she stay with him and she agreed. She couldn't see herself being anywhere else. Her father hesitantly supported her decision while she swore her mother saw the decision as the next step towards marriage.

Her mother and father were hovering horribly and she tightened her posture as much as she could.

"Momma, I'm fine." Her mother let out an obvious sigh of frustration and poured herself another glass of wine. Her third.

"Anas, you need to lie down." Her father had put more restraint into his orders than she had ever seen. Maybe that's where she got her self-control from.

"Daddy, I'm fine." She wasn't. It hurt to talk still, the pain medication was wearing off, and her head felt it might explode with every breath.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't even offer refreshments."

"Ana." Kate scolded but she turned and went into the kitchen, holding her breath every couple of seconds to withstand the pain.

"Ana, I strongly encourage that you…." She blocked them all out for a moment as she opened the refrigerator door. The crisp cool air overwhelmingly therapeutic but only for a second did she let herself relish the feel before attempting to scan the fridge.

"Here, I'll help you." Kate opened the door farther.

"I know you're coping but you're going to hurt yourself." Kate snapped at her and she pulled away towards the countertop, gripping it in pain but she managed to keep a small smile on her face. It's funny; the behavior that used to calm everyone around her now only elicited stares of disbelief and frustration. Pulling her shoulders back more despite the pain, she felt the rigidity take her like an old flame, desperate, comforting but lacking in the feelings it once brought her.

Her father paced the floor in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows, stopping every couple feet to look back at her. His face became as rigid as hers but she hid hers with a smile while he wore the expression with the transparency of a child, there was none. A quick shot of panic surged through her as she remembered her father's heart condition, his medication, and the strict diet she had demanded of him. The break in thought relaxed some of the pain before she looked at the room around her. He wouldn't appreciate such a scene in front of strangers and especially not in front of her mother and step-father.

"Daddy, are you hungry? I can make you something." Every head in the room snapped quickly towards her and her shoulders rose higher as her legs straightened. A burning sensation whipped through her as she moved and her brows furrowed but she held her breath to tolerate it.

"No. Ana. Please sit down." He gave her a look that she understood referred to his heart condition, smart move. She sat down to relieve her father from some stress and it seemed the entire room seemed to relax besides her. She placed one hand over the other in her lap and let her gaze fall to the scenery outside of the window. There were multiple conversations, all centered around her, but she only filtered the tones that hinted to a potential conversation. There were dark clouds gathering in the sky, and she always liked clouds, always imagined the perception of them differing between the people watching. What if she was a completely different person, would fate still have her in that moment prepared for tears and not rain?

It's a silly thought; she reminded herself and brought her attention back to the conversations happening around her. Murmurs of her name escaped a few, mostly from her mother who had no problem displaying her anxiety about the situation. Oh, how they differed. A distant sound formed in the room that had feet shuffling and her heart racing at a frantic speed.

_Ping. _

Her vision blurred for a second as her chest burned and the noise became deafening; a siren in her head, commanding every cell to turn on her and panic internally.

_Ping. _

Her chest resisted more with every breath and it grew so heavy. Tears lingered in her eyes as she fought hard to restrain them. She wanted to panic alone.

_Ping. _

The sound grew so loud that she felt like her ears might explode and for a moment, terror gripped her entire body and she flew away.

The prairie blew with the gentle breeze as she walked barefooted towards the willow tree. _Wait, when did that get here?_ The long tails shuffled against each other and she smiled. Everything was as it should be.

The dirt folded beneath her toes and the organic scent of the landscape touched the skin beneath her nose with excitement before she inhaled it. Her chest expanded to its fullest to accommodate the full breath of air leaving her unusually giddy. Peeking through the strands of hair that lay across her face, she saw an approaching shadow. It was wrong. Nothing dark existed there.

"Ana." A whisper brought her attention to the Willow Tree. She swore it whispered to her.

She turned her head back and the approaching shadow grew stronger, darker, and denser. This wasn't right.

"Ana." _Christian? _She turned again to the Willow Tree, its trunk hidden behind the beautiful strands of its leaves. Some overwhelming attraction to that tree had her feet digging into the dirt as she ran. Her white dress clung to her body with every stride she made. Her heart fluttered violently in her chest and she pushed farther as the shadow moved at a menacing slow pace.

"Ana." It was Christian's voice. She pushed through the strands of leaves to be met with just the tree trunk. Her foot bounced in a panic as she searched around the space. She couldn't see where that shadow was or how close.

"Christian!" She screamed as she knocked on the trunk. It seemed crazy. She knew it was crazy but she heard him. Didn't she?

"Ana." Tears were streaming down her cheeks and she began to dig in the dirt. Her nails clung to the heavy soil with so much strength that she felt like she was moving mountains as she dug with her hands.

Roots, strong thick roots were all she could see and her cries had turned into heavy sobs. Where was he?

More digging and more sobbing occurred before she gave up. She clawed at the bark, that bore signs of scars but the strength was formidable and she dropped to the ground in utter sadness. Her chest shook with an intensity that wavered the very confines of her escape. She let her weight fall against the bark along with her head and she shut her eyes.

_Please help me. Please. _

Christian jerked as he heard Ana begin to sob and curl into his chest. The entire room let out sighs of reprieve and held her tighter, his fear slowly dissipating but not fucking fast enough. He couldn't get Kate's scream out of his head when the elevator doors opened. God, his heart was taking a fucking beating.

"Shhhhhh." He comforted but her sobs grew louder.

"You're here." She spoke with a gravely and hoarse voice that sounded so unlike her.

"I'm here."

"I looked so hard for you." His brow furrowed but he pulled her in closer. She hissed in pain and he immediately pulled away.

"NO!" She snapped, her blue eyes blurred with tears. "Don't go." Her head shook and she winced in pain again, her voice ridden with panic.

"I'm not. I just want my mother to check up on you." At first glance around the room, he grew worried when she looked at everyone like they were strangers. Immediately and without thought, she straightened. Drying her tears with delicate movements, he almost cringed.

"Of course." It seemed her father felt the same as he did. They both fucking met each other with the same expressions of frustration. He studied her body now that he wasn't in panic mode. Her eye was swollen with a dark bluish purple tinge that faded to yellowed and green skin but her smile at his mother was as if she had no blemish at all. Ana held up her arm for his mother to apply the blood pressure cuff and that's when he noticed her wrists. They were red, irritated, and wore a glossy sheen with what he presumed was an applied ointment.

"I'm sorry. I'm fine, I just passed out. I think maybe from the pain."

"Ana, why didn't you say anything?" Her father interrupted and she shrugged her shoulders before she offered a look of regret. He knew she was lying, he could tell. Her voice always pitched an octave higher when she wasn't being honest and it was always when she wore her façade.

"It just seemed to hit all of a sudden as I sat down. I'm sorry." He looked over to Raymond whose hard demeanor visibly melted in the spot he stood. Yep, he was wrapped tightly.

"Your vitals are normal. Here are your pain meds." Her hand shot up for the glass of water before his mother had even picked it up from the side table which hinted at just how severe her pain was. Was she fucking like this the entire past two days? No wonder she passed out. She's probably fucking exhausted.

"I don't mean to be rude but may I please speak to Christian alone." It took damn near all his restraint to keep a smirk off his face at her formality. He hated not being pissed in that moment, he hated that she managed to take care of his anxiety acting all Ana-like. Shuffled footsteps all met the hallway before they shut the door and she broke again. If it weren't for her injuries, she probably would have taken him down with a leap, but the fact that she held out her arms for him with an attempt to move was enough. It was the best gift she could give him, herself stripped down.

He climbed into his bed, wrapping his arms around her as she sobbed into his chest again. Pulling the comforter up, he settled better against the pillow, getting comfortable because he wasn't leaving until she fucking slept. He didn't care if it took years and he lost everything. It took him back to the night she revealed everything about Tom and how she shed so much weight in tears that night and here she was doing it again. He didn't mind it. He would welcome anything from her, pain or heartache, because having nothing at all seemed unfathomable and cruel punishment.

As her sobs simmered to whimpers, he drew out the strides of his fingers grazing her back. There were short sniffles as he watched her eye lids begin to slow their blink. She was fading and fast.

"You're my tree." She mumbled before finally allowing herself some peace and he chalked her comment up to the drugs. He shifted his weight and pulled her head up onto the pillow, and he put his head down next to her. Her brow furrowed while she slept and he worked his thumb to massage it away. She relaxed some more into the pillow and he stroked her cheek that bared no sign of injury. She was Ana prior to two nights ago when she slept like this and if he worked hard enough, he could pretend this was just another night of her staying over.

The peace only lasted for a couple of minutes before he climbed out of the bed. As well as she hid her pain, he hid his anger and it was at his boiling point already. He quietly closed the door before ushering Kate over.

"Will you lie down next to her? I have business to handle for a couple of minutes and then I'll be back up." Kate nodded and she hugged him. He walked into his kitchen where his mother and father waited along with Elliot, Ana's parents, and her stepfather.

"Hi, I'm Christian. I hate that we have to meet this way Sir." Raymond Steele, a fifty year old farmer wore the signs of a blue collar man. His hands showed years of labor and his eyes showed years of experience as he stuck his hand out. Wealth would never affect a man like this and Christian could appreciate it.

"Raymond but please call me Ray. It's nice to meet you son. Ana speaks of you often." Ray's voice was strained as he spoke of her but so was Christian's face and their handshake offered an unspoken connection, a common thread of their love for her. Christian simply nodded before moving over to Carla. She was much easier to appease, she loved a good compliment and masculine hold when he hugged her. He offered her such the first time they met just to make a good impression but now he offered it to her for comfort. They were going to be leaving their daughter to his care and he wanted to make damn sure they were nothing but confident in their decision to do so.

After having Gail showing Ana's parents to their rooms, he walked his mother and father out. He had to head for the garage where he had Taylor take the Ana's security team to wait. Their expressions were those of scared shitless children expecting punishment. Thank fuck. They should look like that. Taylor stood off to the side in a readied manner as the security team all formed a straight line.

His body hummed with a rage craving to get out and in usual fashion, he would have but Ana kept popping into his mind and he knew he would have to find control of it sometime.

Just. Not. Today.

"How the FUCK did you let this happen? I don't pay you all a generous fucking salary to do nothing. I hired the BEST fucking people. The absolute fucking best. Please fucking explain how this happened." He knew how it happened, he knew it wasn't their fault. Ana didn't want them in her hallway, she didn't want them at all, so they settled for the lobby and perimeter of her building but who the fuck questions a pizza delivery guy especially the way they described him.

"Sir," One of them began and he threw his hand up. His body still hummed violently.

"I want you to find that piece of shit. I'm not saying that when I find him, I'm going to beat the fucking shit out of him with my fists, or zip tie his wrists while I do it, or chop his fucking balls off. No! I'm just saying that when you do find him, his future won't be as promising as he wants, in a legal manner of course. Do we know why the fuck he didn't finish the job?" That last part hurt him to say, physically sent a stabbing pain to his chest.

"No. Something spooked him, though, and we're still going through the building to figure out what it was."

His breath forcefully escaped his nose as he struggled to calm himself.

"Sir, we do have to suggest that this wasn't random." His head snapped faster than the bite of an alligator.

"What?"

"Well, it was the weekend you were away along with her neighbors and Kate. It seems like too much luck for a random attacker to seek a victim through means of impersonating a pizza deliverer. He knew she was alone so she's either being watched or it's someone who knows her schedule and personal life."

"FUCK!" He growled as he punched the concrete wall of the parking garage. _FUCK. _It stung but he couldn't damn well show the stupid decision he just played out offered the consequences they were all expecting.

"Fucking find him." He stormed back into the elevator where Taylor followed.

"Don't fucking say anything." He had one destination in mind, one place he wanted and needed to be. As soon as the elevator doors opened, his feet led the way without thought. Opening the door slowly, he saw Kate rise up from the bed before kissing Ana on the cheek.

"She's slept fine. She hasn't moved at all."

"Thanks."

"Christian?" He turned around to see Kate lingering in the doorway. "I have only ever seen her cry once with tonight being the second time and I have never seen her so bared with anyone." He smiled genuinely at her, so fucking appreciative that what he thought was being reinforced. He was always afraid that his love for her played tricks on him so hearing Kate fortifying everything stripped the rest of his anger.


	19. Chapter 19: Twice Lost

_So sorry for the break in between updates. Enjoy! Please let me know your thoughts! I will hint at a finally vengeful Ana in the next chapter. She succeeds quite well in being bad just as she does being good. :) _

Chapter 19: Twice Lost.

He tapped the landline phone against his desk as he contemplated calling again. It had only been a half hour since he last called and he ended a meeting early to call her again.

_Tap _

_Tap _

_Tap _

He slammed the phone down in frustration. His body was a ticking fucking bomb, one small breeze and he would allow it to take him far away although he knew this breeze was the calm before the tornado. Lack of sleep and worrying about Ana had his nerves rubbed raw and a higher level of irritation than what he was used to. He was using all of his restraint when he spent time with Ana much to her dismay but he didn't trust himself. They had no further leads on her attacker and the out of control feeling was becoming too fucking much. He needed a sub, needed to control something but he couldn't do it to her now. She was still in pain and if he thought she was hesitant to the playroom then he fucking knew she'd be running from it now. Today was too soon. He shouldn't have returned to work nor left her at the apartment by herself. He left Taylor there but still.

"Andrea, cancel any further meetings and reschedule. I'm working from home for the rest of the day."

It was raining and he closed his eyes. He wished, no prayed, that he would find her on the floor of his bedroom watching the rain. It would be normal- routine. Nothing recently was normal or routine. Nothing recently was as he wanted it and nothing recently was anything he could control. His fists clenched as the anger sent a wave of overwhelming need to fucking kill someone through him. They were continually becoming hard to ride through, harder to control. The nightmares weren't helping. Ever since Ana's attack they were becoming too clear, too vivid and sleeping to be whisked away to that shit was not on his to-do-list so he watched Ana sleep. She had her fair share of nightmares too but hers were easily soothed. She would simply curl into his chest, sob and then fall back asleep after exhaustion. He wished having her in his embrace soothed him, calmed him but it gave him too much. It provided him with paralyzing fear of what he could have lost and what he still could lose. And for once, he feared that life had been too good to him. The other shoe was bound to drop soon, he expected to lose everything one day in some crazy fucking circumstance. He amassed so much wealth and not for the money but to own things, lots of things. He cared more about the accomplishment than the money. If he lost his entire accomplishments, his hard work, it would never compare to losing her. She was his best accomplishment, the best of his hard work, and the thing he couldn't stand to lose. His hands began to shake just thinking about it. The rain drops were hitting the glass of his window harder now per usual Seattle fashion. He couldn't help but remember taking Ana on the floor of his bedroom after they watched the rain. Slowly, his eyes started to close and he allowed the comforting feeling of fleeting exhaustion take him.

_"Can you play with Mommy's hair sweetheart." _

_Christian's tiny fingers began to take his mother's hair and move them against each other. Over. Under. His Momma was bleeding. He wanted to get help but she would be all alone. No. His Momma needed him. He kept his eyes on her hair. Her face was messy. _

_ "Christian, can you sing me our song." _

_He didn't want to sing. He didn't want her to sleep. They only sang their song before bed. He wasn't tired yet and she always left after he slept. He didn't want to be alone. His face crumpled as he felt the burn on his leg from that bad man. _

_ "I don't wanna." _

_ "Please." _

_ "No." _

_ "Christian, I love you. I'm so sorry for everything. When Mommy is asleep, I want you to go downstairs to Mrs. Richards." _

_ "No." _

_ "Please." _

_He let out a huff. This was way too early for bedtime and his mommy was hurt. She needed band-aids._

_ "Mr. Grey?" _

_Who's that man's voice? _

_ "Sir?" _

_ He liked that word. It made him feel big. _

_ "Sir!"_

_His fingers stopped braiding and he looked up to his mother's face. Wait, that's not his mother. _

_ "Ana!"_

He woke with a jolt, sweat lining his forehead and Shepherd looking at him like he feared for his life.

"We're home."

He sat up and looked around finding comfort in the concrete walls of the parking garage.

"Thank you." He picked up his phone and dialed Ana. He hoped it helped but he'd soon find out.

"Hello." Her voice sounded better today, more upbeat.

"Hi. I'm downstairs and heading up. Just wanted to call and let you know first."

"Okay."

"Can you try and wait for me to get out of the elevator."

"I'll try. I promise I'll try." The desperation in her voice broke his heart and another wave of anger raged through him not at her but at what she had become and for the fact that he had to call to let her know he was coming up to his own apartment.

"If you're in there, I won't bother you. I'll be in my office when you come out." He heard her sigh of relief in which he got his answer. He knew where she would be once he got upstairs.

"Thank you. I'll see you soon." He hung up and climbed out of the car. He had come to despise the sound of the elevator passing floors. The fucking noise grated his nerves and completely severed Ana's. It's why she passed out the day he arrived home. She couldn't handle the possibility of the unknown on the other side of the door. The familiarity of a pizza delivery guy struck her fight or flight straight into the latter. Never had he seen her move so fast despite the pain of her ribs. The doors opened along with the sound that alerts everyone that a visitor is present, the sound that completely disarms Ana. As he walked around to the living room area, he found Gail in the kitchen and he saw the pillows and blanket on the living room floor. Well, at least she had been watching the rain but Gail shrugged her shoulders and he knew where she was, the Panic Room. For the first week just the noise of the elevator passing floors had her sprinting into the room. She had grown close to the security team member who monitored his panic room although he wasn't quite sure what was said between them, Ana had just mentioned that he reads the newspaper to her. They talked about her family and she read him some of her manuscripts for work. He wondered if she took one from the pile she had left on the living room floor.

"She's having a good day today. She really tried." Gail tried to reassure him. "She put make-up on today and you wouldn't even know something happened to her."

"That's good. I'll be in my office."

"Would you like some lunch?"

"No, maybe later."

He closed the door to his office and turned on his computer. Today was the first day Flynn was going to talk to Ana as a favor to him and he knew it was wrong to trick her into a therapy of sorts but he didn't give a shit. A stranger possibly serving advice couldn't possibly be better than it being a fucking professional. His phone rang about a minute after he sat and he took a deep breath before answering.

"Hello."

"Mr. Grey, it's Shepherd. I tried to contact you via your mobile but couldn't get a hold of you."

"Okay. Please make it fast. I have work to attend to."

"Sir, someone has attempted to hack our systems and there has been a suspicious vehicle monitoring Miss. Steele's apartment." His hand shook and his nerves gound against each other as he listened.

"Any information on the vehicle?"

"We ran plates. It's stolen and we lost the vehicle due to a car accident as we pursued it."

"Thank you. I want a full update this evening."

"Yes Sir."

Christian slammed the phoned down again as his body buzzed with an incessant need for pain. Like a stretched rope with strings coming undone, he knew he had to do something.

"What is your name again?" She asked the stranger on the line. She missed Charles. He sounded so nice, kind, and warm. This man did too but still it had taken days before she actually began to speak to Charles about matters not concerned with current events.

"John."

"I like that name."

"I'm glad. Charles said he read you the newspaper, would you like me to do the same?" Finally the adrenaline was beginning to settle, and her heart started to return to its normal beat.

"Is there anything positive?"

"It's the media." She laughed at his witty comment and at how unfortunately honest it was.

"Yes, that is true." As she finally ventured back to stability, she found herself bored and upset with herself. She so badly wanted to embrace Christian when he got home but that last ping controlled her and sent her running. Her breathing had finally calmed but of course the pain replaced it like usual. Her ribs were beginning to hate her exertion when it came to visitors.

"You don't have to stay on the line with me. I can just read and leave when I'm ready. I'm sorry for wasting your time."

"It's fine. I am specifically assigned to you so I have no other pressing matters." His voice was so calming and intelligent like he had answers to questions she had yet to create.

"Okay, I have a manuscript I need to read, would you like to hear it?"

"A manuscript?"

"Oh, I'm an editor at a Publishing firm."

"Wow. I've heard of them but I'm not quite sure what they do." She shrugged her shoulders at his excitement, hers had long ago faded.

"A lot of it is busy work. I handle the book covers and right now I am reading through manuscripts to find an entire story to edit. I'd prefer to work with one author and one story at a time."

"That seems like a lot of responsibility, to hold someone's dreams in your hand, their life's work."

"It is but I'm used to the feeling. Quite honestly, it makes me feel needed and like I have a purpose."

"I'm sure plenty of people need you. How many people do you need?" None, she immediately thought before shaking her head. She needed them all especially Kate and Christian. Her mother and father were too large of reminders of all that she had failed.

"Do you believe people can change?"

"Yes."

"I mean from good to evil or are you just inherently evil from the beginning?"

"Ahhhh, nature vs nurture."

"I guess so."

"There are circumstances that change people, I believe."

"Do we blame people for those changes if they had no control over the circumstances?" Tom laid heavy on her heart. As much as she hated him, she felt for him. The stories he used to slur off in his drunken stupors were horrifying. His father used to put spiders down his shirt and watch him struggle not to squirm. Tears met the brim of her eyes as she recalled his pain. Her biggest fear was becoming like him, a product of abuse by supplying it later on. She was always afraid if she actually focused on herself, she might find his evil not only marked her body but her soul.

"Every story is different Ana. Things aren't always black and white. There is a fine line between blame and responsibility." The panic room was slowly becoming smaller and she had to escape.

"Thank you John for your time. I'm going to go now. I'm feeling very tired." He quietly told her good bye before she set the alarms again for the room.

"Have you seen Christian?" She asked Gail after searching the entire downstairs and his office.

"If he's not in his office, I did see him go upstairs earlier."

"Thank you Gail."

She took the stairs, one by one. Checking all the rooms, she grew even more confused. Her feet were quiet on the wood flooring upstairs and when she stopped at _the _door, they didn't even make a sound. Her robe tickled the tops of her feet as it readjusted with the shift of her weight. She put her ear to the door but couldn't hear anything. Of course not, the room was sound proof. She hadn't been in there since the first time and since they had decided to redecorate. Curiosity was killing her and she had to wonder if he was in there. Slowly she placed her hand on the door handle expecting no movement but it shocked her when it lowered down. What she saw when she opened the door tore her heart in two. The ache that traveled within her almost destroyed her. She would never forget the image of the flogger tails so violent in the air and stinging his skin as he brought it down over his shoulder.

"Christian!" She yelled as she closed the door. He couldn't hear her and she struggled to decide if she should move closer. The marks on his back brought tears to her eyes. She remembered her research on BDSM, specifically pain. She had yet to understand the need for it but after what she read, it was the release after the pain that many of them liked. The subspace if she remembered correctly.

Climbing over the bed to get to the other side of him so she could see his face without having to worry about being hit by the tails. He was far gone, recessed into whatever brought him to this moment. His grunts and hisses of pain tore her in two, his need for self-punishment evident. Sweat lined his entire body, his skin glistening and small droplets of sweat trailed down his chest and into the indentations of his abs. His muscles moved beneath the skin rapidly as he brought his arms up with speed and intensity making the impact of flogger tails and skin piercing.

"Christian." She spoke softly as she walked towards him. Stopping just shy of where the flogger could reach, she spoke his name again.

"Christian." He didn't respond. The only deafening noise she could hear was the flogger tails meeting his back.

"Sir?" She tried and he dropped his arms. His chest heaved with panting inhales and exhales. Finally the floggers stopped their beating as they hung from his fists. The tails still swayed with his shaky hands. He had yet to register her presence; his eyes were fixed on the floor. She wiped her tears and approached him, taking each flogger from both hands. She met no resistance. His breathing fastened again, his fists clenching and she knew he had yet to find his release. Tension still existed within him. If subspace was all that she had read about, she knew what she had to do to get him to the place he was searching for.

Dropping to her knees, she began to slowly pull the thick leather strap of his belt out from his belt hoops of his Armani pants. As she pulled the belt from his pants and unzipped them, he finally acknowledged her.

"Ana, no. You don't have to."

She didn't stop. She pushed him towards the bed and followed on her knees and the desire in his eyes could light her way if it were dark. Taking his pants down with his briefs trailing not far behind, his erection sprung free. It had been so long since she had seen him and even her body responded with heat. Taking him in her mouth had him growling and she watched him throw his head back. His groans of ecstasy were the most arousing part of pleasing him. She closed her lips and took him deeper, working her tongue around him as she did. The more he groaned, the faster and deeper she took him.

"Jesus."

She closed her eyes to manage her breathing better and fell into a rhythm that had him tangling his fingers in her hair. Forcefully, he began to control the movement of her mouth and she let him. She would do anything for him after what she saw. She wanted him more than she had ever wanted anything. John's words echoed throughout her brain, horrible timing, but the fact that she wanted this to please him and only he bothered her. _What people do YOU need? _She wanted more for herself more of him. Taking her mouth away she saw him growl in protest but something snapped. The part where she thought of everyone else but she without question vanished. Threading her fingers through his hair she pulled his head to hers and she took every ounce of pain from him with her lips. They both met at the bottomless pit of realizations in that room and they were going to leave every ounce of shameful feelings and pasts there too. She stripped everything for him in that moment, all defining behaviors she buried herself in and she let their erotic energy take them away.

"Fuck me." She whispered into his ear and taking the soft skin of his ear between her teeth. His growl was pure animal and the carnality of him ripping her chiffon robe and her silk nightgown she wore underneath had her wanting to beg. She got her wish.

"Say it again. I want you to beg." She lay naked and breathless on the bed as his chest moved ferociously with each breath.

"Fuck me." The words still sounded odd and foreign but she didn't care. The way he smiled when she said it made it worth it.

"Fuck me what?"

"Fuck me, Sir." Her words were pure desperation and he drove into her before the words had even finished the descent from her mouth. The pain of her ribs a mere whisper compared to the all-consuming feeling of him on top of her, inside her, completely encasing her in his arms. His hands moved to still her hips, pressing them deeper into the bed so he could fill her completely to the hilt making her cry out.

"That's right Ana. I want to hear you." His words were ragged, shaky, as every thrust brought intense pleasure with it. Her nails dug into his back and he hissed which she quickly pulled her hands away.

"NO! Do it again!" She let out a small moan of protest but he wouldn't have it. He pushed in farther, deeper, and harder unrelenting until her hands moved to his back again. The mixture of pain and pleasure had them both moaning louder until it was all either of them could hear. The sounds of his thighs hitting hers faded so far away that she knew she was close.

This time was more intense to the point she lost herself and just became a body filled with pleasure searching for more. Her craving was intense, she licked and nipped at his biceps, her fingers clawed at his thighs and she bit at his lower lip.

"Ohhhh fuck yes." His fingers threaded through her hair abruptly jerking her head back and holding it there. He drove into her with a punishing speed giving her exactly what she so desperately needed. Everything, the past two and a half weeks disappeared, her fear, her pain, she flew high as her soul separated from her body but she wasn't worried about losing herself. In their carnal exchange, her soul tethered itself to him for no other man would ever make her feel this way again.

"Ooohhhhh myy god." She cried as she felt his teeth dig into her shoulder and him pulse inside her. IT carried her even farther deeper into free fall with him. She thought her other orgasms had been her best, this one took the cake.

He collapsed on top of her, smoothing back her hair as he kissed her cheeks and jaw. Pulling the comforter open on the bed, he moved them both gently until he covered them with the covers. She was completely limp, exhausted, and it didn't take long for sleep to take them both.

Ana slowly opened her eyes confused at first to where she was. She could feel Christian's warm breath on her neck and his arms still wrapped around her. _Oh my god. _He was still inside her and he was hard. She knew she should let him sleep that he hadn't been sleeping well either since the attack. She decided to try and slip away and moved her weight against him only to have him groan with pleasure. Lifting herself up and twisting to see him, he wore the most content expression while he slept and then his hips began to move. She tried not to be pulled in but his sleepy moans caused her whole body to relax to Jello. Falling back onto the pillow, she began to rock her hips relishing the feel of him inside her. He finally began to stir as she felt soft kisses being trailed up her neck.

"Quite a wake -up call Ana." She threw her head back giving him even more access to her neck which he ravaged like a caged beast.

"That was all you." She moaned before he took her again in three different ways leaving her lips swollen, her scalp sore, and her muscles aching but she needed this pain. This pain she wanted.

"I'm sorry you had to walk in on that." He told her as she lay on his chest. His heartbeat and breathing soothed her. She loved her current soundtrack.

"It didn't scare me. It hurt me. I hate that I didn't know how you're feeling." She kept her cheek flat on his chest knowing he would talk easier if she wasn't looking at him.

"I just needed something to control. I never involve myself in something I won't win. Being with you and almost losing you, I don't know how to handle it. This…" She watched his hand motion around the room. "This is how I've always handled my need for a release but I couldn't bear to hurt you as you are now and I'd never find someone else. I'd hurt myself before I hurt you like that."

Resting her chin on his chest now she finally looked at him and gently stroked his cheek with her fingers.

"I understand control issues Christian. I want to help you. Order me around this bedroom in whatever you want me to wear. I don't mind giving up control to you in here. I'm not sure I can handle pain yet but I told you I'm willing to try. Don't change! I've told you this so many times. This doesn't frighten me and if this is what you need to relieve tension let me know but talk to me too. Please." His smile started small before it turned into a large grin where he bared all teeth.

"Anastasia Steele, you said 'fuck' earlier." He teasingly glared at her and she buried her face into his chest, the embarrassment rising quickly beneath her cheeks.

"Oh my god, please don't remind me. Did it sound ridiculous?" He started to laugh, one that shook her entire body off his chest. A deep belly laugh of his emanated throughout the room and she joined in. She pulled the sheet over her face to hide the blush of her cheeks before she saw a finger hook underneath and pull it away.

"I thought it sounded very hot." Her cheeks blushed brighter at the memory before she climbed off the bed.

"Stay! We need to take care of your back." He pointed to the drawer where she opened and got some antiseptic wipes and cream. Heading back to the bed she waved a hand and he rolled over. She sat beside him and began with the antiseptic. He didn't make a noise but she could see his hands fisting the sheets. They finally relaxed as she began with the cream, the red marks bright and raw but nothing permanent.

"I'm sorry for running to the panic room. Did I tell you they have a new team member for the panic room?"

"No. Do you like him?"

"He's kind of nosy and I really liked Charles but he's helped with some realizations accidentally I suppose."

"Any you want to share?" She smiled at his restraint and the fact that it wasn't a question and more of a statement declaring what her choice should be, but the effort proved more than he knew.

"He made me realize how I put everyone else before me. I knew I did but I never studied my reasoning behind it. I know a lot of it is second nature to me. Ever since I can remember I've been protective and always cared more about my family and friends than myself but I think I completely lost myself with Tom. After he went to jail, I became horribly introverted. I've been afraid of myself. You always see people like Elena and Tom who have been abused and then they go on to abuse someone else. I was always afraid that if I began to care about myself, really look at myself, I'd find evil after what he did to me. I think this is why I'm kind to a fault. I'm overcompensating for this fear that I could possibly fly to the other end of the spectrum."

"You got that all from the security guy." He joked and she smiled.

"He asked all the right questions." She kept putting more cream on his back because it not only soothed him but her too. The motion and feel of Christian beneath her hands calm and content released a weight.

"You are not evil Ana but I understand your fear." She didn't say anything. She's held evil thoughts before specifically about people who have hurt her, Christian, and Kate. The things she imagined them enduring were horrible.

"Can we please go to your room and watch the rain?"

"I thought you'd never ask." The rain was the same as their self-realizations. The ability to learn more about yourself never ended. It existed as a constant journey and when the realization was met head on and it dried so softly against the pavement of one's mind, it makes its mark but leaves an open place for the rain drops to come.


	20. Chapter 20: Displacement

_I know it has been a while. So sorry! Please enjoy this chapter! I will continue to work only on this story until it is finished for the time being. Elliot and Kate will be back in the next chapter! _

Chapter 20: Displacement

"Well your conversations are still happening so obviously she isn't doing any better." Christian had to work hard to keep his tone steady but his patience was wearing thin. Ana still suffered from night mares and she still ran to the panic room every time the elevator drew near their floor. "She is supposed to go back to work in four days. I don't see that fucking happening."

"Christian, you will have to be patient. Who knows? Maybe work will force her to face her fear. Do I think that she is ready? No but I do believe she is reaching the end of her tolerance for her fear and panic. A change is near, I'm just not sure of the extent to which it will help." Flynn calmly told him but his confidence didn't help. He despised seeing her so broken. Was she better than three weeks ago when she passed out? Yes. Had he greeted her smiling face the moment he exited the elevator yet? No. Every fucking time, she was in the panic room. He gave her the privacy she needed but it took damn near everything out of him not to shake her. She was better than the woman he was seeing. She was stronger…hell she had dealt with years of abuse. The strands of his hair grew frayed as he shoved his hands through them.

"Fine." He answered and Flynn must have caught onto his suspicious tone.

"Christian, don't do anything worthy of a year of sessions. I can hear it in your voice."

"I won't." At least he hoped not. He hung up quickly so that Flynn couldn't lecture him more. She needed to face her fear and what if he could get her to do it unknowingly? He knew Ana better than anyone. He knew that when one dimple showed, she was amused. He knew that she hated him silent in an argument, and he also knew that she had more pent-up aggression than he could ever believe himself to hold. There were years of release for him. She had none and she punished herself by not allowing herself any. Sex helped. Every night that he returned from work, he was inside her until she slept. He would work until he heard her soft cries or when he saw her in the doorway of his study and she curled up onto his lap. She sensed his frustration with it all even though he attempted to hide it. It wasn't with her that he was frustrated; it was with the lack of progress on her attacker and how exhausted she seemed constantly. He tried to use her ease to submitting to possibly order her to be happy…fuck, he was just grasping at straws. Well he had one straw left.

Ana felt the familiar fear paralyzing her as she sat in the panic room. As she watched the cameras on the screen and saw Christian leave the elevator to which relief only offered a small ounce of calming technique. John was talking to her but she wasn't ready yet to comprehend a conversation. Her chest heaved with short chest constricting breaths and she curled her head between her knees. She closed her eyes and focused on Christian. The last week they had spent mostly in bed and compared to their first time there definitely was a difference between fucking and making love. She cringed at the word. It only felt right in the moment when he made her beg him for it. Their nights had become increasingly desperate and he started to insert orders wherever he could. She obliged, the sense of purpose in the chaos helped her. Her chest slowed and opened allowing more air to fill her lungs and the tears only dripped from her cheeks instead of the downpour. Her fingers slowly dug themselves back out of her skin and blood returned to her fingers replacing the white skin with color. She rose slowly and saw Gail and Christian talking on the monitor. He looked about as good as she was currently feeling and she sighed for him knowing he was on edge. The memory of him in the playroom fought to emerge but she fought harder. There was no need to add another stressor. She only needed fifteen minutes to make herself presentable but more to be able to comfort Christian.

"Miss Steele, is everything okay?"

"Yes, I'm starting to recover faster I think." She tried to reassure herself and John as she uttered shakily. Her head fell back against the wall; the fear leaving remnants of shaky hands and dizziness that ran through her.

"I'm here if you need to talk." Her shoulders slumped at John's voice. It was always so kind, so free of judgment that their last couple of visits, she began to crave more.

"I just don't understand how people rid fear?" She exclaimed with a tear of desperation. Something to give…something, she thought.

"I think fear is more reduced than ever eliminated. You have a right to your fear."

"Well, it doesn't have the right to me!" She yelled in exasperation. "Sorry, John."

"It's fine Ana. I like your spirit. It's the exact spirit you'll need to get through this." They had several conversations over the past week before she finally admitted what happened. She didn't delve into details just that she was attacked in her apartment.

"I just can't. I try, I really do try not to come in here." She was on the verge of sobs but she just kept her gaze fixed on Christian in the camera. He needed her and she needed a purpose.

"I know. I think you've just hit your turning point of frustration with it all."

"It's more that I'm disappointed in myself every time I end up in here and I know I frustrate everyone else or at least sadden them."

"Everyone, including myself, just wants you to be back in control of your life."

"That's the thing, I don't know how much more control I can allocate towards the elevator. It takes every ounce of self-control I have not to pass out. I just don't know if I have it in me."

"Ana, if there is one thing I don't question, it is your strength. Dig a little deeper." As they finished their conversation, she fixed her hair and found a place of focus studying Christian again. He was at the bar fixing a drink, his hands steady and assured. Even with his usual stoic body language, he had a way of exuding his feelings with just an air, a breath, or even a look. Christian felt with intensity, an all-consuming emotion whether it was love or anger. The way he inhaled so deeply that she saw the visible rise of his broad chest, told her he was frustrated, teetering on anger. See, a breath from Christian is more a gift, one not granted to just anyone. His pain, their pain, made them both selective to who they allowed to drink from their presence and who they allowed themselves to be chained to. She was tethered to her mother and father but she was chained to Christian. He held more of her in his confident hands than anyone, her tears, her laughter, and every sexual encounter of hers. She took one last deep breath and closed the door to the panic room. His frayed copper strands stayed in position as he didn't even look up from his drink and she stood still to think of how to approach him.

"Taylor will be up soon. You probably should have just stayed in there." A sting of pain burned her and she decided not to respond and instead attempt to change the subject but the stress already of wanting to go back to the panic room started to surge.

"How was work?" She wanted to touch him, graze his cheeks with her fingers and watch the anger melt from his eyes but for the first time, she didn't know if it would work. She didn't know if she were enough.

"Still continuing here, I see." He still hadn't looked up and she wanted to leave, wanted to go back to her apartment not caring about what happened. She felt more like a burden, everything she worked hard not to become but in her love, she had forgotten.

"I'll leave." She spoke quietly and not with much confidence because they both knew it would take him dragging her to her apartment by bound hands and feet.

"You would have to actually be able to function when the elevator door opened to leave Ana. I wouldn't stop you but I do believe you're too weak to go."

"Stop!" She yelled, her anger even surprising her but god damn it she despised how he talked to her. "Why are you being like this?"

"Like what?" Finally, he looked up at her but she wished he hadn't. It seemed she wasn't the only one who had reached her tipping point and from the void look in his eyes, she cracked. He had been so patient, so loving and she had pushed him away. She started to shake her head in tears at him but she only felt like an idiot being the only obvious one between them that felt anything at all. His indifference killed her, hurt her deeper than any memory of her attack could. She felt humiliated as a blubbering mess in front of him with his silence. How easily he could lose love like lost change, with no feeling at all just enraged her. The lack of engagement from him, and the sound of the ice rattling inside the glass set her off.

"How dare you!" The anger scared even her and like a tornado, she lost all control. She couldn't reign in anything, couldn't find clarity. "I have given you everything of myself and you can so easily throw it away like a tattered shirt no longer worthy of your time or your effort! I am worthy of more than this!" The sentences were nothing but a scream of flames, and she searched for something to hurt him. She searched for something to strike him with as much pain as he had done with his silence. A vague sound echoed somewhere distant but she couldn't decipher it in her fury, it simply blended with the crowded noise of her anger.

"I hate you!" He didn't move towards her, didn't strive for comfort he just stood and drank casually. "I fucking hate you for reducing me to this!" Overwhelmingly disgusted and broken, she searched for somewhere to go, an escape and then she saw it: the slight movement of the elevator doors and the sound of it approaching. She froze.

"Ana." He finally spoke but she didn't move. It was as if her mind struggled to transition from a scorching summer to a harsh winter and it caught her in limbo. She could hear fast footsteps and then she felt his hands grasp her shoulders tenderly. In an instant she turned and hit him in the chest with a closed fist and before she could stop herself she hit him again.

"Don't comfort me now with hands you so easily washed me of minutes ago! I hate you." For a minute he studied her and then he started to try and comfort her more but without an apology. He moved towards her as if he hadn't just broken her, tore her spirit to pieces and watched them fall feeling nothing.

"Don't touch me. I can't stand it!" She struggled to get out of his embrace, her arms and legs flailing like her heart.

"Ana, please don't act like a child." Another ping of the elevator sounded but she saw red.

"Just hit me. You want me under control, just hit me. Abuse me Christian! Your worse than him, you know it! I hate you more in this moment than I ever hated him as he hit me. You really want to hurt me? Do nothing." She wanted to anger him, she wanted to see that he cared and she wanted to make damn sure she did mean something to him, anything.

"I can't wait to leave. I can't wait to give myself to as many men as I can just to spite you, to feel them inside me making me scream their names louder than I have ever screamed yours." She leveled her gaze and she finally saw, the break in his expression, hurt. Her eyes didn't leave his.

"Out!" He bellowed before she turned around. Taylor scurried across the floor and she saw the open elevator doors. It was empty. Her eyes scanned the inside of the elevator but there was nothing. The four wooden walls housing nothing, and as the elevator closed to leave, it took her fear with it.

"Let go of me." She didn't raise her voice but her tone said it all.

"Ana." His voice had softened. "You did it." She looked at him and couldn't tell what to feel. She was drowning in colors of emotions and constant hits of waves of anger and pain. Her feet moved, one after the other and she heard him following her but she moved knowing she was going to pack some things and leave. She stopped in the middle of his bedroom and just wanted sob but she had no tears left.

"Ana." It was that condescending tone, the dominant undertone present as always. She needed to take something from him, some of his control that he had stripped her of out there. Turning, she stormed past him and locked his bedroom door. He watched her as if she were an unpredictable animal. As she approached him, he looked into her eyes for a hint to what she wanted but she gave him none. She pushed him back onto the upholstered bench, his face one of surprise at her strength and shock when she straddled him. His hands gripped her waist but she pinned them back to the wooden lining of the backing.

"Don't." He finally registered what she was doing, what she wanted from him and she could see the struggle in him. Not caring, she shoved three fingers in his mouth and moved his jaw so she could nip at the column of his neck. She could feel his restraint but more she could feel how hard he became underneath her. She lined his jaw with her teeth hearing him hiss. Everything poured out of her through every action of her lips and the pressure she placed on his pants underneath her as she moved her fingers from his mouth. She could feel his heart pulse beneath her hands as she tore the buttons from his shirt. His eyes were closed and fists white as he clenched the bench but she continued. She climbed off and stripped her pants in a lost frenzy. Her movements weren't graceful and when she tore at the zipper, she saw his hands grip tighter. She lowered herself onto him as he filled her completely. He hissed air and growled as she began to move herself up and down, using his shoulders to push down upon. She was wet and he throbbed inside her. Moving faster, she began to claw at his chest as she threw her head back. Her movements were desperate, ferocious and she drove herself down harder. They were both panting and she licked a tear of sweat that ran the lining of his neck. She felt heat consume her and she rode him like the anger she rode just moments ago. She orgasmed hard and her fingernails dug into the skin of his chest. The contractions of her sex were endless and he grew inside of her as she realized he hadn't come yet although it wasn't her intent. She moved to climb off him but his hands were back at her waist and squeezing hard.

"Are you done?" The tone was cold but at least it held feeling. His gray eyes had turned dark, daring her to move away from him but she just nodded. He jerked her to the floor as he covered her and he tore her shirt off. In seconds, he was naked and pounding deep inside her. He pinned her arms above her head and drove into her harder against his carpeted floor. She would have rug burns and no doubt he was close to bruising her with his strength but she became lost.

"I'm going to fuck you until I grow satisfied with how you scream my name." He pushed deeper and she arched her back before he brought her up to the bed. His hips rolled into her with beautiful speed and as she felt him grow close, he pulled out of her. She watched him pump himself until he came all over her stomach and there was nothing more beautiful than watching him pleasure himself and marking her. He spread it over her breasts before making her clean off his fingers with her mouth and he drove into her again. The skin of his chest meeting hers and she became even more consumed by him.

"Scream my name Ana."

"Christian." He wasn't satisfied with how she said it because he lifted her hips to fuck her deeper.

"Christian!" She screamed as she moved to push his hips back but her fingertips couldn't reach. He lifted her higher and moved even faster, the veins of his forearms so visible she could pinch them. She screamed his name even louder as his thumb massaged the small bud of her sex with a rough speed. Finally the room shattered into multicolored specks of light in the darkness of her vision as she came again. She bit his chest as she rode out the paralyzing orgasm and he pulled out of her again. The sounds of him coming all over her cut her pleasure short and she was aching already for more. He moved more of his cum all over her thighs now before coating her sex completely in it. She moaned at the feel of his fingers lubricating her with himself. Abruptly she was turned over and he entered her again. He returned to the same grueling speed, the same bruising grip on her thighs as he relentlessly drove into her.

"Who do you belong to?" He growled and he spanked her. Reflexively, she pulled away from him but he jerked her hips back into him. The initial sting now only a hum of pain but his thrusts distracted her.

"You and only you." She cried now ashamed she even said what she did in the first place. He spanked her left cheek now and she drove herself back harder wanting to replace it all with him and only him. She felt his chest against her back and his fingers thread through hers. His lips grazed her ears and she grew weak feeling the same filling feeling of submission, she usually did with him.

"I've let you go once, it's never happening again." He growled as he drew in and out and the only sound the ones of their skin slapping as he did.

"I love you." She cried back softly, lost in the moment with him. "And only you."

"If you ever say anything like that to me again, I will take you upstairs and flog you so hard, your skin will burn every time the mere thought enters your mind." She came again and the grip of her around him brought him with her. Finally they came together and he marked her one last time, filling her. He collapsed to the side of her where she curled up into him and sobbed.

"You understand why I did it right?" His voice had grown softer and he hooked his finger under her chin where she saw his eyes brimming with tears. She kissed them, tasting the saltiness of his pain and soon hers mixed with his.

"Yes. You understand why I said what I did right? I was just hurt; I thought you were done with me. What I said was to hurt you, to make you feel what I felt."

"I'm sorry. If I had known I was killing you...That's what that felt like to hear it."

"I know." They lay entwined together for a while, both returning to a rational state of mind. He picked her up and carried her into the bathroom before turning on the shower. So carefully, he washed her as she did him and she clung to him in the midst of the rain from the showerhead, and they both apologized and she thanked him. In the moments that she thought she lost it all, she thirsted for in their embrace, touching every part of his body and every line of his face.

"I love you." She wanted to give more to him, allow him the control she took from him so cruelly knowing how he felt about it. Her reasoning was nothing like his, she did it all for spite, to hurt him. "Take me to the playroom." His hands moved from his hair as the soap washed from his hands.

"Ana, you don't have to."

"Yes, I do. It will help both of us."

He led her by her hand to the playroom but he shut off all the lights. No light and only Christian to guide her. She had to trust him and as much as she wanted to believe that they both had recovered from their earlier scene, it wasn't true. Her arms still shook and when his hand gripped hers she was thrust back to that night.

_Her vision was dark but only because her head hurt and his hands were still all over her. He was talking. _

"_Fucking slut." She closed her eyes again. _

"Ana." Christian's voice removed her from the memory and she clung to him again. It was a new memory. One, she hadn't remembered yet.

"I'm okay." She breathed into his chest before he laid her on the bed. She was forced through her fear already that night, and then she remembered her conversation with John. This is exactly what she needed. It was her way of coping. Christian knew. He knew her better than anyone and she gave up her control, trusting him with everything.

"Say Red to stop me. I'll drop everything and step away. No toys tonight."

"Okay." He moved her body to the center of the bed, the satin caressing the sensitive skin from him taking her on the carpet. Her arms were lifted and attached to cuffs and then he moved to her ankles. Ana's heart raced with furious speed laced with more fear than excitement but more than that she ached to please Christian. Her hands and feet were bound and though the act itself transported her to a dark place, Christian existed as her flame and as she grew weary of the evil surrounding her, he just grew brighter...stronger. He lit the room of evil on fire and she allowed it to burn around her slowly with the same pace his fingers teased her skin and with the same torturous anticipation forcing her to succumb to her fear and alight it with newfound strength and pleasure. He hadn't blindfolded her yet but there was no need, her eyes were clenched as tight as her fists. Somewhere in the midst of the deafening silence he forced upon them both, she realized they would emerge from this more unified and she would no longer fear the darkness as she had.

"What are you feeling Ana? You can speak freely." Oh, the whisper calmed her, eased her fists free and her eyes opened slowly. The room was pitch- black and only the movement of a shadow informed her of Christian's location in the room.

"I feel scared." She spoke quietly and shakily. Her heart pounded in her chest and her head.

"Of me?"

"No! Of course not. You calm me. I'm scared of what lies in the darkness that's not you." Escaping her fear seemed more terrifying than being bound to it, allowing it to control her. Is that his purpose for this? She would be giving him control, something tangible, and someone she trusted.

"I'm right here. It's only me." He spoke with such confidence, his tone resonant as his hands seduced her breasts tenderly. In what she thought she would associate with that horrific night, was quickly replaced with Christian. In the darkness, he whispered to her continuously, always making it known it was _his _fingers on her, _his _lips caressing the curves of her hips, and it was _him _that she was giving herself to. As every muscle of hers began to relax, his hands moved across her skin harder, rougher. She began to pant as his fingers entered her and his other hand pinched her erect nipples. She was drowning in the pleasure and the small amount of pain…it seemed to combine so effortlessly that she could only see pleasure from his pain. She felt him massage the folds of her sex with his throbbing shaft and she undulated. When he drove into her deep and stayed for a moment, she moaned. He pulled out slowly and drove in again but this time he continued.

She. Was. Free.

From that night, she detached herself and disassociated the darkness from that night. She filled it with Christian, her strength, and pleasure. Earth shattering pleasure. And as she pulled on the restraints and they dug into her wrists, she was back in a memory.

_Ouch, she thought as the zip-ties stung her wrists. She could feel something move against her skin. _

_Blood? _

"_What the fuck?" She didn't dare open her eyes. Her head hurt too bad and she was too weak. The effort proved too fruitless anyhow. He moved from her! The darkness spun and she couldn't explain whether she was asleep or if she was awake but in a distant state hidden behind closed eyes. More sharp pain at the back of her head that throbbed to her temples and she relaxed. The pain was too much. His footsteps traveled in the direction deeper into their living room and when she stopped, she imagined him next to an end table. He was moving something on top of it, a frame? The only frame on their housed a picture of her and Kate on vacation last summer. She heard a zipper that made her nauseous. She was afraid of what he might be getting to her. _

"_What the fuck Elena?" The man yelled. _

_ELENA? _

_His voice grew distant like he were walking away. _

"_Kate's fucking roommate? Why the fuck wouldn't you tell me that?" _

_Kate? How does he know Kate? _

_She heard the door open and then shut. He was gone. She was alone. _

"Red!" She yelled and quickly she felt him move from her and undo her restraints. He gathered her in his chest and she sat motionless in his lap.

"It wasn't you. I remembered something from that night." His breathing slowed. She looked into his eyes and stroked his face knowing that she couldn't lie to him now and that an inevitable fit of anger neared. "Elena hired him."


End file.
